To regret walking away

[ConfusingCrush]

Basically had a massive crush as a teenager. Had some drunken fumbles over a period of around 3 years. He never pursued anything further and I kept quiet about wanting that. For my own sanity I stopped the physical stuff but didn't say real reason why. Moved on but whenever I've seen him again I still feel so attracted. Fast forward many years and nothings changed. We're both now single and there's clearly still something there for me but could not say if anything is reciprocated. Circumstances mean I see him more often now and I'm really regretting not saying something all those years ago and feel like I want to confess my feelings! Would this be foolish. Obviously if he feels the same it could be amazing but if not it could be devastating. Am I just fantasising over some teenage crush that I've built up in my head or will I regret keeping my feelings to myself again?

I'd be tempted to say the same but I really really liked him and did nothing about it! Whats the difference. For all I know he's spent the last 20 years kicking himself for not having the confidence to attempt to start a real relationship. Yes probably unlikely, I know, but the fact that he's a man shouldn't really make a difference!

In the years immediately following our encounters he was overly flirty whenever I saw him but I literally walked away from him that night straight into a new relationship and got married so it wouldn't have been appropriate for him to pursue me even if that was what he wanted!

Yep sounds like this is most likely my head messing with me then. How can I draw a line and finally get it out of my system?

He was an awkward guy with women rather than some lothario so I think that's why we bumbled along for 3 years without formalising anything. I was the same.

I was engaged or married for all our other meetings since so its just been weird but flirty.

After quite a gap our new more frequent interactions are now kind of awkward. I'm just overwhelmed with attraction he seems nervous and awkward. He wouldn't have a clue how interested I was or am in him so I don't know if he feels something for me or is just worried I may feel something for him! Maybe from what you guys say it is the latter and he is just not interested in the slightest. I will add though that he was the one who instigated this work collaboration thing.

I know it all sounds very unhealthy but I'm now a very life's too short person and wonder whether this is a chance to right the stupid mistake I may have made walking away and not saying how I felt all those years ago!

If you previously knew each other outside of work, I don’t see why you can’t message him on social media and ask if he wants to get a coffee and catch up? Doesn’t need to be like a date, and doesn’t need to be related to work, just a casual chat. Gives you a more relaxed forum to work out if he’s giving off any hints and to work out if you’ve made this up in your head or whether you do still actually like him. He might have changed a lot over the years and you might not feel the same after all anyway. I don’t think this needs to be made into a big deal.

I think you're right. I think the fact that the feelings were so big and feel quite overwhelming now have clouded what could be a more straightforward situation.

Its been a long time since I have felt attraction like this and have been in a situation where I could do something about it and its thrown me. Since being single no one has even caught my eye. Its a shame its come with a blurry set of circumstances. Hes not on social media but I will try to instigate a more social situation where we can chat and I can get a better feel for where we both are. I think its made me feel like I want to put these feelings to bed one way or another 😉 If nothing changes I'm gonna find a way to drop a god I was so into you when we were younger kinda comment out there and at least I can resolve that regret. If he has no reaction to that then I have my answer. Like I said life's too short to keep wondering!!

Please tell him! My friend and I were like this but never acted on it, huge massive chemistry and flirting but nothing ever happened between us. We ended up with other people (plus him sleeping his way through some of my female friends on random nights out!). The final straw was when my best friend said that she thought she might take him home one night (she didn't). I ended up inviting him out for a drink, got drunk and blurted out that I was in love with him. He told me I was a twat. And then kissed me. And now we're married with children!

I would be tempted to ask him for 5 minutes alone and tell him that you want to apologise for the way things were left when you were younger and that you now regret your actions. Doing this you are not admitting your feelings but would give him an opportunity to open up a bit.

Do NOT do that! You have nothing to apologise for and you’d look foolish bringing up 20 year old matters!

you don’t need social media, assume you have his email address so could easily ask him for coffee, lunch or drink.

but first try to get all the fantasy stuff in perspective.

This is good advice. I would just phone or email or whatever and do this, keep it casual and actually see if there is something there or it's just something you have built up in your head.

You are way overthinking this and you barely even know him really.

I'm with @zafferana. It doesn't matter that YOU didn't pursue your feelings. Most guys don't overanalyse like you are - they see something they want and go for it. If you are now both single and you are in friendly terms then he knows you are available snd if interested would probably ask you out.
I'm all for women taking the lead, but in my experience it just puts you in a more vulnerable position, and I've regretted it any time I've done the pursuing.
Having said that, there are ways to indicate you would be interested in something more (smile a bit more etc). But frankly it sounds like he just ain't that in to you.