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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think strangers should mind their own business

44 replies

Bpdqueen · 26/04/2022 19:31

I have burns and scars all down the left side of my face and body. I work in a shop and everyday I have multiple customers ask me about my burns and scars for e.g oooh how did you do that or I bet that's painful or what happened or what's wrong with your face ect. The problem is what happened is complicated and still distressing to me so I would rather not discuss it with a complete stranger infront of a que of people staring at me. I understand people are curious but theres a time and a place and in the middle of a busy shop isn't it AIBU to be annoyed at this and also if anyone has any advice on how to handle this situation I'd appreciate it

OP posts:
Greensleeves · 26/04/2022 19:36

Yes they bloody well should mind their own business. How incredibly rude! I would probably tell them I'd been attacked by a dragon, or something, but I'm an arsey cow.

They are immature, stupid and poorly socialised. Sorry you have to deal with it.

ilovesooty · 26/04/2022 19:41

That's really rude and intrusive of them. I'm sorry you have to put up with that.

Bpdqueen · 26/04/2022 19:42

Attacked by a dragon I like it 🤣🤣

OP posts:
Waxonwaxoff0 · 26/04/2022 19:42

YANBU. People are so rude!

AnneLovesGilbert · 26/04/2022 19:43

I can’t begin to imagine asking someone about something like this, it’s appalling rudeness. I’m sorry you’re dealing with nosey arseholes on top of the trauma you’ve experienced.

Loopytiles · 26/04/2022 19:43

So rude!

you could just say ‘I don’t like being asked about it’.

Timeforabiscuit · 26/04/2022 19:50

Dh shuts down questions about a dramatic head scar as having been kicked by a unicorn.

The people who ask tend to be on the harmless/thoughtless side - but it does impact when he's having a perfectly normal day to have his train of thought dragged back to it. I'm sorry its not much help but I sympathise.

XenoBitch · 26/04/2022 19:51

That is so rude. I am sorry this is happening to you. A simple "I prefer not to talk about it" should be enough.

MrsReeves · 26/04/2022 19:51

I like the attacked by a dragon idea. It might make people realise how utterly nosey they are when they get a ridiculous answer.
A friend lost his lower leg in a car accident and whenever curious children asked him about it (mine included) he would say he'd been attacked by a shark at the local swimming baths😁

GrannyAchingsShepherdsHut · 26/04/2022 19:55

Wtf is wrong with people that multiple times a day you're having to deal with this?! Not disbelieving you OP, I worked in a public facing role for years and can completely imagine it. Flowers

I think, in your position, I'd speak to your manager and say something like

'people keep asking and commenting, it's very distressing. I need an approved response that I know I can say without fear of repurcussions. Perhaps "It's personal and I'm not comfortable discussing it. Is there anything else I can help you with?" is that acceptable?'

latetothefisting · 26/04/2022 19:55

Urgh I can't understand why people would ever ask something so personal. How rude and weird of them.

As to how to deal with it....it's hard because unlike if, for example, it was a self contained group e.g. friends or colleagues, where you could just say whatever you wanted and then hopefully not be asked again, here it sounds like there's a revolving door of ever changing insensitive idiots, so even if you gave the "perfect" answer to one, another could ask again half an hour later.

So it really depends on how you want to play it. If you just want to shut them down a "I'd really rather not talk about it," would be completely fine, nobody could consider it to be rude, and might - might make them think about asking invasive questions.
Similarly you could directly address their rudeness e.g. to "What's wrong with your face?" you could respond, "There's nothing wrong with me" and/or "that's not a very nice thing to say." Unfortunately "Nothing, what's wrong with yours?" probably wouldn't come under good customer service, even if it would be entirely deserved!

Otherwise if you wanted to "take back the power" a bit you could have some fun making up increasingly bizarre stories "oh I used to work in the circus as a fire breather and when the elephant got loose there was an accident" or, dead pan "fight with a dragon," or even just wind them up by going "what looks painful? what scars?" completely puzzled so they feel like idiots.
Alternatively just completely ignore the question. Most people find it too awkward to repeat themselves, and if challenged you have plausible deniability to just say you didn't hear it/were concentrating so missed it. Will also have the advantage of them feeling awkward at being ignored without you having to do or say anything.
All depends on what you want to do and how supportive your boss is!

MurmuratingStarling · 26/04/2022 19:58

Greensleeves · 26/04/2022 19:36

Yes they bloody well should mind their own business. How incredibly rude! I would probably tell them I'd been attacked by a dragon, or something, but I'm an arsey cow.

They are immature, stupid and poorly socialised. Sorry you have to deal with it.

@Greensleeves wins the internet today! Grin

@Bpdqueen YANBU at all! How rude and nasty and intrusive for people to ask. OMFG! But yeah, say you were attacked by a dragon. Brilliant! Smile

Reminds me of a friend of mine who retired at 52 because of ill health (an invisible illness) and one woman she knew asked her every time she saw her 'you working yet, why aren't you working, surely you are working now!!!'

She just HAD to say something every time. So my friend started saying she works for NASA. Grin That shut the nosey intrusive woman up!

Ikeptgoing · 26/04/2022 19:58

"I was burnt in a fire, but I really dont like being asked constantly when I am just trying to work. You think you've just asked a first time but I get asked all the time and I'd really rather just get on with my job Thankyou"

PurpleDinosaurpark · 26/04/2022 20:00

Yes it's bloody rude & adults should know better. Kids are a different story. My husband has very prominent facial scars if our kids bring new friends over they generally ask & my husband makes up something funny & crazy. The truth is really quite grosome & involves a Stanley knife

Bpdqueen · 26/04/2022 20:07

Ty for your responses I will definitely try these especially the dragon one 🤣🤣

OP posts:
PeskyRooks · 26/04/2022 20:08

Maybe you could borrow a response that my teenagers use:
"What happened to your face?"
"Oh it's nunya "
"Nunya?!"
"Nunya business "

Marblessolveeverything · 26/04/2022 20:09

Whatever about a young child asking, as they are still practicing their manners. You would hope adults had some sort of cop on. Honestly people are getting worse.

Bpdqueen · 26/04/2022 20:09

@PeskyRooks love it perfect 🤣

OP posts:
Bpdqueen · 26/04/2022 20:11

I have absolutely no issue with children asking obviously I wouldn't tell them the truth as its horrific but I completely understand their learning and curious about the world. My issue is 100% with adults

OP posts:
PuntasticUsername · 26/04/2022 20:12

Look them right in the eye and say "what scars?"

AngryPanda · 26/04/2022 20:12

I’m really sorry you have to put up with that. It must be so awful for you. I’m my opinion there is no excuse, adults need to mind their own business and not be so bloody rude.

EmmaH2022 · 26/04/2022 20:14

OP dreadful that people do this. I think I'd be the customer who gave them a bollocking outside.

you must be tempted to say "i got in a fight with a right nosy prick".

Fkingfnaaarr · 26/04/2022 20:18

Folk are fuckwits - there's really no excuse for it.

"I kept on asking nosey questions when I should have minded my own business, got hit by a thunderbolt. You're probably next"

YoComoManzanas · 26/04/2022 20:18

Could you ask your manager to put a polite sign in front of your till telling people to mind their own business. This may stop most people asking and upsetting you?
How bloody rude to ask though!

Isonthecase · 26/04/2022 20:21

Further suggestions:

It was a dreadful accident in the radioactive lab but they're fairly sure I'm not dangerous to be around any more, hence the career change.
I was Evil kneevils glamourous assistant, until That Day.
I dug a hole at the beach to Australia and the magma came out quicker than I expected. The rock formations are still there but it was a shame about the pier.
My mother always told me not to tightrope across volcanoes. I wish I'd listened.
Oh these? Loads of us at NASA had them, you have to be so quick running away after you light the rocket. Poor old Barry was fully combusted, I have no idea why they don't just use a longer fuse.
I was trying to recreate the scene at the end from lord of the rings but it turns out they used special effects for that! Did you know that? I had no idea!

Accompanied by a dramatic sigh and stare in to the distance...

Honestly the best I can think of is that their worried about appearing rude by ignoring them and want to make you feel seen or something. Dunno, people are weird.

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