To not apologise for making me feel stupid

[Looloohoohoo]

So long story short my “male friend” was on the phone and I was explaining something and he’d went “well obviously” when it was unnecessary I was just adding to the conversation and it made me feel really stupid. I feel he regularly makes remarks like this and it makes me feel stupid.
so I called him out for it, told him how it makes me feel. I got a passive aggressive sorry. So I moved on and continued the conversation to avoid any further arguing.
he then interrupts me and aggressively asks why I’m no apologising for trying to start an argument.
I told him I have nothing to apologise for. I called out behaviour that made me feel negatively.
he then said I’ve had the worst day ever and hung up on me.

like aibu to not apologise for pulling him up on something he does regularly (I don’t usually pull him up, but recently I’ve decided I’m going to start pulling him up every time)

do I owe him an apology?
he’s totally gaslighting me isn’t he?
and then trying to put me on a guilt trip for his day being rubbish (which he hasn’t mentioned at all today)

im livid!!!!!

I know it all seems quite childish but I’ve recently actually gained confidence to start opening my mouth when I see behaviour that’s disrespectful.
I just feel it’s ridiculous to not move on straight away after an apology was given.

People often react like this when you begin to set boundaries. They've been able to treat you exactly as they please, and now you're saying "enough - I won't tolerate that." He probably feels, on some level, both embarrassed and angry at being called out for something which he's always got away with in the past, additionally a bit peeved because he knows you're right, and he'll be hoping (consciously or not, depending on whether he's actually an arsehole) that if he pushes back and makes you feel bad/unreasonable, the boundary will collapse and he can go back to the status quo, which was more comfortable for him.

Stick to your guns. Stay calm, don't apologise, hold the boundary firm, and if the friendship is worth having, he will adjust and respect your limits.

do I owe him an apology?
Absolutely not.

he’s totally gaslighting me isn’t he?
Absolutely. Does he say things like "I was only joking" or "You're too sensitive" when he says something crass?

and then trying to put me on a guilt trip for his day being rubbish (which he hasn’t mentioned at all today)
People like him pull this shit because it takes the focus of him, makes him the victim and therefor you the baddy. It's also word salad, as it has nothing to do with the situation in question.

He hung up on you so that you would phone back and beg for his forgiveness. Don't play these mind games.

Is he the only "friend" who does this? He's not a real friend I'm afraid. You don't need him in your life.

Thank you!
Sometimes I’m never too sure whether or not I’m in the wrong with these situations and I’ve always been such a people pleaser so don’t tend to stick up for myself. But then beat myself up for being a total doormat.
slowly but surely gaining the confidence to be a ME pleaser instead.
glad I don’t have anything to feel guilty about here.

It depends on the tone in my opinion. I use the phrase 'well obviously' quite a lot in the same way I would say sure/yes. It's not something any of my friends have mentioned to me and I would also be like "wtf?!" if they suddenly said it upset them and made them feel stupid as it's just a phrase I use.
I think you need to think whether this friend is worthy of being your friend if you think they say the phrase to put you down or whether it's your insecurities. But it is just my opinion and not something that would have bothered me- but then I use the phrase. I can also see why they would have thought you were trying to cause an argument if they use the phrase fairly often and you suddenly say it makes you feel stupid and that you want an apology. I would have said sorry but I wouldn't be speaking to you very much as that screams hard work if I have to watch what I say to make sure I don't upset you. But then my friends and I can be very insulting (affectionately) to each other.
I hope you forgive them and have a proper chat with them to let them know how you feel.

No, you don't owe him an apology. It is not uncommon for people to react aggressively when pulled up on behaviour, and the suddenly mentioning his bad day is just a way to try to make him the good guy and you the bad. If he gets over himself and behaves better from now on, I would let it go. But if he tries to put you down again, he probably isn't the friend you thought he was.

I HATE ‘obviously’. If it was obvious, I wouldn’t be asking, don’t try and make me feel stupid? I’ve coached contact centre staff before who use it genuinely not meaning offence but when you’re dealing with pissed off customers in a complaints setting it just rubs the wrong way.

You were not unreasonable to bring it up. I agree he’s now backtracking and trying to turn it on you.

You are getting good advice above, that you don't owe him ANY apology.

He is gaslighting you and trying to guilt you with his sudden bad day.🙄

Do not contact him and have a long hard look at why he is in your life.

He sounds ugly.

He owes YOU another apology for his tantrum, and hanging up.

We teach people how to treat us.

Keep working on your boundaries.

You may lose a few wasters along the way, but so be it.