Hurrying her up at the playground

[Buffalostance89]

Have my parents staying with us for two weeks (I know)
Dd, almost 3 and I normally visit the playground most days, soft play, cafe visits, zoo visits, beach etc-we mix it up, but it all involves something fun for her to keep her occupied.
Dad likes to go for a walk and sit at a cafe by the beach-practically every day.
In almost two weeks, she’s been to the playground (when walking to a cafe, for maybe 5 minutes-dad walked off to the cafe)
Today we went to the same cafe, had lunch, Dd sat well and on the walk back, she asked to go to the playground and ran over.
I said to her of course we could go, my mum was saying ‘Another day’
We went in and literally five minutes later, my mums trying to hurry her along to go 🤷🏻‍♀️
Dad says ‘Come on, I’m bored now’
I said to them both that she needs to play and we normally come most days and she’s barely been.
cue atmosphere and then standing stony faced, waiting to go.
They used to babysit my sisters kids all the time years ago and I remember them always saying about playgrounds they went to with them.
My mum never really plays with her, then I hear about how at Christmas they all play board games etc with sisters kids (early teens now)
Aibu to feel pissed off and sad about this?
I mean, it’s not thrilling for me stood in a playground, but it’s for her, whether it’s boring for me or not. She’s been really good and been on the walks and to the cafes and shopping…things *They like to do, is it unreasonable to expect them to want her to enjoy herself doing children’s things, and to want to be a part of that?

@ZekeZeke No, but they did all that with them when they were that age also

Can you get takeaway coffees and dd play while they have their drinks ? My kids would not have enjoyed daily cafe visits at age 2.

But they where 10-15 years younger then which makes a massive difference.

You say your parents are very fit and able, but perhaps they aren't quite as fit and able as they used to be, however they appear to you? My youngest child has just had a baby, 12 years after my eldest child had their first. I am definitely not going to be able to do everything for my youngest grandchild that I did for the eldest, however much I might like to. I think suggesting that they go and get a nice cup of coffee in the warm while you take your daughter to let off some steam in the park is a good idea. You just have to phrase it in such a way that they feel that you are putting their needs first.

But they are older, 10/15 years older. You need to stop reminiscing about what they did for their grandchildren 10/15 years ago.

Playing a boars game with a teen is a lot easier than running around/playing with a 3 year old.

They are staying in your home, they are obviously spending time with your DD.
Let them go off and have coffee and chill while you take your DD to the park.
Honestly don't see why you are creating drama when there is no reason.

It definitely won’t do her any harm not to be at a playground for two weeks, but that’s not really not the point is it?
I do a mix with Dd, definitely not overcompensating for anything, normally we’d relax at home too lots of days, crafts, tv, baking etc
This has been almost two weeks of going for walks, cafe or shopping

@ZekeZeke Ok.

I think the issue is that op has done whatever dgp want for 2 weeks. On the one occasion her dd wanted something, which if she could see the park was to be expected, dgp sulked. You need to talk to your parents op as you are clearly upset. This isn’t going to change now so you need to set expectations, at 3yo she needs to play so if they don’t want to do that then you will take her separately.. they can go for their coffee (in a park cafe if that suits) and you will see them after this. They are probably not doing it on purpose, they are just older and more selfish… I unfortunately think we will all be like this to some degree

it unreasonable to expect them to want her to enjoy herself doing children’s things, No

and to want to be a part of that? Yes.

They clearly don't want to be a part of that. Just meet them at the cafe.

Just send them on ahead. Maybe they're too old to stand for a longer time in the playground, maybe not. Either way I think it's very common for people to forget the selflessness required when looking after small children- the hours you spend freezing your tits off in a playground or bored out of your mind watching In the Night Garden or whatever. You sort of adjust into it when your children are small and then adjust out again when they grow up.

Getting older can also make people a bit more self-absorbed as their world gets smaller. Can well imagine your parents just felt bored and would have rather been at home listening to the Archers. I'm sure it's not personal so just work something out that suits you all.

Seems a bit selfish in my option.

How often do they get to spend time with you?

Can't they just suck it up or even enjoy watching her play and be happy.

Sorry OP. I also think if they are staying with you and coming into your space there needs to be more give less take from their side I.e. not always doing what they want?!

YANBU to feel disappointed and hurt by a difference in how they were with their other grandchildren compared to your own DD. That's only natural.

There could be a number of reasons for the disparity. Maybe it's more of a perceived difference than an actual one. Maybe they're not feeling as well or energetic as they did 10 years ago. Maybe the novelty of being a grandparent has worn off. Maybe it's related to golden (grand)child syndrome. It could be anything, really, and possibly you'll never know why.

You can take your DD out to play without them or tell them you'll play with her while they do something else. If that's enough to create an atmosphere, then there will be an atmosphere. They'll get over it.

As far as you can, try to enjoy the good things about them and any times they do engage with and cherish your daughter. Her experience of them as grandparents was always going to be different to the other grandchildren's experiences, because it just always is, from one child to the next. Try not to compare, if it's only making you unhappy.

My PIL were like this. Great with my DSC (up to a point) but rubbish with DD. Not interested in her, unwilling to do anything child centred. In the end DD noticed as my Mum was very different. Sadly my Mum also died when DD was quite young so she has never had engaged or interested grandparents.
I did feel quite resentful when she was younger but FIL now also dead and MIL has dementia, so it's all a bit rubbish!
One curious silver lining, MIL doesn't always recognise DD but is generally much more interested in seeing her and is quite sweet towards her. Which she wasn't before!
DD is actually quite touched by Granny's new found kindness but it's made her feel sad that she never really got to know her before she lost her memory. Granny has had an interesting life and career but can't remember enough to talk about it and is very very deaf.
In your shoes OP, I don't think you can win. Your parents are unlikely to suddenly become the ideal grandparents, but I think that you can and should stand your ground on meetings DD's needs, regardless of the stony faces.

This.

The park at age 3 is where it's at and I spent so many hours as they wanted to stay.

They grow out of it quickly enough as play dates start happening.

3 weeks sounds like a very long visit with people like that.

I would be leaving them to it and heading off to the park with DD.

Park play is great for children.
Her needs would trump their sour faces.

Just head off.

Forget what the did with the other grandchildren different ages and stages if life and not good to compare.

However they should be more accommodating to 3 year old because she is 3, not less. Dd did the cafe, GPs have to do the park without complaint. That's just suiting everyone within the group and basic manners.

Next time "I know you don't love the park, but dd doesn't love the cafe so we need to do something for her too. If you would rather wait indoors that is fine but we would love you to come watch her play if you can"

My parents are like this, very set in their ways and get exhausted by their grandchildren very quickly even though they are also not that old. So we’ve found ways of visiting but also doing our own thing in a way that works for everyone and enjoying the time we do have together, rather than trying to merge schedules or do everything together. Honestly, your parents might be relieved by that approach, mine definitely were as they clearly found the grandchildren tiring and had run out of patience after the first two got a bit older. And they just don’t want to change their routine much even for a day or two. I found it upsetting and still do inside but accepting and accommodating that reality makes our visits a lot smoother.

Sounds very similar to my own parents. They even tried to get my almost 4 year old DS to go in a pushchair because he was walking too slowly for them. We didn’t even have anywhere we particularly needed to go!

I think they have behaved rudely.

If you're guests in someones house you dont just turn up and effectively say 'we're doing everything we want to do, but won't flex our plans at all to accommodate anything you want to do'. And its even worse with a little kids, even if you've raised your kids, don't want to do childcare etc etc then you can at least appreciate that kids need to burn off some energy and run around and not actively try and stop that.

I thought you were being a bit harsh until you said the part about you dont feel like you can just take your daughter without them / drop them at the cafe and take her to the park as they would feel like you were making a point. So they don't want to go (fine) but they don't want your daughter to go either and that's not fine at all, it's a strange dynamic that they expect such a young child to tag along with them and wont accommodate her needs or effectively be happy with her doing anything else even if they're not involved and it's a strange dynamic that they would stay with you for that long and be offended when you went off to do something with your child for an hour

I had in laws staying recently for over a week. We went walks and stuff and visited places that they wanted but we also took the kids to the park and swimming and another kids party and did some other child friendly activities, as it's too long a time for small children to do exclusively adult activities. They came along for some of the activities and did their own thing for others

Everything what @billy1966 and @Feckingfeck said.

Your parents want to go somewhere and so is your DD. Neither is wrong but

Your parents might be older and not exactly enthusiastic about the playpark.That’s fine but they shouldn’t demand that you tag along to wherever they want to go wit DD while being their taxi service.

Some kids at this age are very physically active and a good run in the park is what they need. Granted it doesn’t happen everyday when relatives visit but not even once for 2 weeks???

I’d be having serious conversation with your parents about how to cater for everybody’s needs.

I’m all for your DD. She tagged along to boring places, she was being good and then denied the playpark just because her not so D GP didn’t want to and even you trying to compromise to take just her was met with them pulling faces.

Take your DD to the park whenever you want and leave your sulking parents at home. 2 hours is nothing when you have lively child to entertain.

Don't forget this for next time they visit. 2 weeks is clearly far too long. Do they live far away?

I think it's outrageous that they won't even accept going to the cafe while you and dd stay in the play area. It sounds like your dd has behaved beautifully and put up with adult stuff like shopping without any compromise.

Aw well that pulls at the heart strings. Honestly id be frank with them about how you feel and why, they might snap out of being such arseholes. Id stop going to the same bloody cafe everyday with them too if they dont start being better grandparents but i have low tolerance for moody older people set in their ways. Sorry!

Yes it's a shame, we love taking dgd to park but don't get to see her that often

Yes give them a key to go home

Rude and childish of him to say he was bored

I would have stayed with DD and told them to carry on and do whatever it is they want to do

Two weeks, Christ. I think two days would have been more than enough

Why do you all have to go together? Surely they could do whatever they want and you could go to the playground. Playgrounds are shit boring so I don’t know why you’d drag your parents along.

I wouldn't be inviting them back in a hurry. Could you keep any future visits to weekends?