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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To move my child from a achieving school which she enjoys because of the travel time?

39 replies

Cozytoesandtoast00 · 26/04/2022 16:47

Please help. This problem is going round and round my head.
My eldest son is in year 7 of his secondary school. We chose the school because of its outstanding reputation and results. Our local school was in the "Requires Improvement" category.
He enjoys school. Although says it is hard work and has made friends. The school is in a town centre and we live in a small village. It takes him about 1.5 hrs to get home and by then he's shattered. He leaves very early at 7:15am.
We live in a very 1970's kind of environment. The kids all play on the green outside at stay up later. They all go to the local school which has now improved to a good category. My son has expressed that he feels like he is missing out when he doesn't have time to play outside an be with his local friends.
I feel like quality of life is really important in children's lives and his energy levels are also suffering due to the early starts. I feel that exam time in the future will also be difficult due to the limited time for revision.
My youngest son is in year 5 and I'm reluctant to send him there as he enjoys outdoor time.
One potential option is that I could pick them up to and from school when my youngest starts there and manage my job around that. Although there are no guarantees that I would be able to do this in the future.
Does anyone have any thoughts or opinions that would help? I'm seriously considering moving him. Should I move him?

OP posts:
Runaway1 · 26/04/2022 17:22

I’d move him to the local school I think. 1.5 hours each way sounds exhausting and is time he could be playing, doing homework, sport, music etc.

RedskyThisNight · 26/04/2022 17:25

Move him now. That's a ridiculous amount of travel time. Think of all the other things he could achieve if he wasn't travelling for 3 hours a day.

(I also had a long commute for school and missed out on local friendships and was permanently shattered. The supposedly better school was not worth it).

billy1966 · 26/04/2022 18:01

I absolutely would move him.
That is a very long commute.

I wouldn't hesitate.

IMO being miles from your school can make friendships challenging.

One of my daughters close friends has moved with her family not far from us and the primary reason was school friendships.

Not everyone can move house but unless the convenient schools were awful I would definitely try and stay within a 15-30 minute commute where possible.

Good luck.

balalake · 26/04/2022 18:21

Move now. The time saved will become more valuable as he progresses through school.

CareBearsCare · 26/04/2022 18:23

1.5 hours a day is a really tough commute. I remember doing it as a teen and it wasn't fun. Personally I'd move him to the local school

KarmaStar · 26/04/2022 18:31

Go with your gut feeling and move him if he is happy to do so.🌈life's too short to waste 15 hours a week travelling.

onlywork55 · 26/04/2022 18:34

My DD doesn’t go to our closest school so I was going to say keep him there but then I saw his commute is 1.5 hours! That is a lot. I’d move him, I am not sure any school is worth travelling that far.

Original poster
Cozytoesandtoast00 · 26/04/2022 18:35

Thanks for all of your responses. You've all reiterated my thoughts.
The commute is just under an hour but it's lengthened as the bus doesn't leave the school for 30 mins which really does add onto the journey.
My son has just fallen out with one of his local friends so doesn't want to move now 😭

OP posts:
Comedycook · 26/04/2022 18:36

I'd move him...that commute sounds exhausting. And in winter, all in the dark. I wouldn't like that

Mumdiva99 · 26/04/2022 18:37

Well I wouldn't have sent him in the first place. But given you did just because ofnthe RI judgement - what will you do in the future if it gets another RI? Would you want to move him again?

What does your son say about moving?
Would he like to change?

We have kids locally that travel over an hour for school. I wouldn't send mine, but they enjoy it. The kids I know wouldn't want to stop doing it as they think it worthwhile.

RedHelenB · 26/04/2022 18:38

That's why you should go to your local school. To many in number are snobbish about having to attend outstanding schools. Send your kid to one they're happy to go to and they'll be fine.

SeemsSoUnfair · 26/04/2022 18:45

Madness to make a child go to a school 1.5 hrs away in the first place.

ds is in exam years now and that length of day and commute would have been so detrimental during this critical phase.

VioletLemon · 26/04/2022 18:49

I'd definately move him. Speaking as a teacher there's alot to say for the impact of good well being, comes from having a bonded friendship group and lots of time to play. Forget the travel to current school. Honestly, in 10 years he'll have friends for life, good experiences, skills, qualifications and happiness BUT there is no substitute for belonging and good mental health. He will always be the outsider in the group otherwise and could resent you for that. Unless there is a serious problem with the local school then go for it. By serious, I mean violence, fights, bullying, terrible HT etc. League tables totally meaningless.

Tinkywinkydinkydoo · 26/04/2022 18:50

If I was your eldest , I’d feel really annoyed and resentful that as soon as his younger sibling started the school you suddenly started to give lifts so that they didn’t have to do the 1.5hrs commute but he had to do it previously.

MysteriousMonkey · 26/04/2022 18:58

I'd move him and actually have moved one of my children from a Grammar school which involved a similar commute for similar reasons and they're much happier. Another of my children is still there but that's their choice.

Original poster
Cozytoesandtoast00 · 26/04/2022 19:15

Comedycook · 26/04/2022 18:36

I'd move him...that commute sounds exhausting. And in winter, all in the dark. I wouldn't like that

Actually it's worse in the spring/summer as she can't fall asleep early.

OP posts:
Original poster
Cozytoesandtoast00 · 26/04/2022 19:18

Mumdiva99 · 26/04/2022 18:37

Well I wouldn't have sent him in the first place. But given you did just because ofnthe RI judgement - what will you do in the future if it gets another RI? Would you want to move him again?

What does your son say about moving?
Would he like to change?

We have kids locally that travel over an hour for school. I wouldn't send mine, but they enjoy it. The kids I know wouldn't want to stop doing it as they think it worthwhile.

You're right of course and I made a huge mistake. No I wouldn't move him again for that reason.
He keeps on changing his mind

OP posts:
Original poster
Cozytoesandtoast00 · 26/04/2022 19:21

SeemsSoUnfair · 26/04/2022 18:45

Madness to make a child go to a school 1.5 hrs away in the first place.

ds is in exam years now and that length of day and commute would have been so detrimental during this critical phase.

To be fair I didn't realise it would be that long. The delay in bus departure makes the commute longer.
I think I may have to move him after taking in consideration the future work pressures

OP posts:
Original poster
Cozytoesandtoast00 · 26/04/2022 19:21

VioletLemon · 26/04/2022 18:49

I'd definately move him. Speaking as a teacher there's alot to say for the impact of good well being, comes from having a bonded friendship group and lots of time to play. Forget the travel to current school. Honestly, in 10 years he'll have friends for life, good experiences, skills, qualifications and happiness BUT there is no substitute for belonging and good mental health. He will always be the outsider in the group otherwise and could resent you for that. Unless there is a serious problem with the local school then go for it. By serious, I mean violence, fights, bullying, terrible HT etc. League tables totally meaningless.

Thank you for this. That's reassuring.

OP posts:
Original poster
Cozytoesandtoast00 · 26/04/2022 19:22

MysteriousMonkey · 26/04/2022 18:58

I'd move him and actually have moved one of my children from a Grammar school which involved a similar commute for similar reasons and they're much happier. Another of my children is still there but that's their choice.

Great to hear.

OP posts:
Original poster
Cozytoesandtoast00 · 26/04/2022 19:38

KarmaStar · 26/04/2022 18:31

Go with your gut feeling and move him if he is happy to do so.🌈life's too short to waste 15 hours a week travelling.

Thank you. I think we need to move him.

OP posts:
BungleandGeorge · 26/04/2022 19:48

What does he want to do? Did he choose his current school? If he likes it and has settled well I’d look into the option of driving him at least part of the time. can he go to a club or library after school and you pick him up later? They can also usually go in for breakfast. In some ways it’s quite nice to have local friends who don’t go to your school as kids quite often fall out. What happens if he’s not happy at the other school?

sickofthisnonsense · 26/04/2022 20:04

Ofsted isn't everything

Original poster
Cozytoesandtoast00 · 26/04/2022 20:04

BungleandGeorge · 26/04/2022 19:48

What does he want to do? Did he choose his current school? If he likes it and has settled well I’d look into the option of driving him at least part of the time. can he go to a club or library after school and you pick him up later? They can also usually go in for breakfast. In some ways it’s quite nice to have local friends who don’t go to your school as kids quite often fall out. What happens if he’s not happy at the other school?

He keeps on changing his mind. I think he just wants me to decide so I'm trying to do what's best for him overall.
I already pick him up from a bus stop which is about a 10 min drive away. Picking him up from school is not an option at the moment as I have a younger child who I have to collect.
He already gets there for 8am.
Thanks for your suggestions though.

OP posts:
Original poster
Cozytoesandtoast00 · 26/04/2022 20:04

sickofthisnonsense · 26/04/2022 20:04

Ofsted isn't everything

You're completely right.

OP posts: