To ask if anyone else’s family had this belief growing up?

[Latenightthoughts111]

NC for this as it seems like all my threads lately have been about my family and don’t want them linked

late night thought tonight is about when I was growing up (late 80s born to a mid 40s born DM) I was told that drinking from a can and eating in the street was like being a prostitute

im not exaggerating I can clearly remember being about 10 and told that walking home from swimming with my hair down and wet and drinking from a can made me look like a prostitute! What was this about?? Where did it come from?? Even now I struggle to drink from a can and I don’t think I ever eat whilst walking!

Yup my nan used to say eating or drinking in the street was common.
ankle chains were for ‘street walkers’ (prostitutes) and my mum still says Louboutins are hooker shoes because of the red soles!! 🤔

Don’t take him to the Family Sex Show, in that case. Their glossary included ‘sex work is work’ - for 5 year olds 🤐

Not the same but my father shamed me for farting in his presence as a 5 year old, it was at night, just watching tv on the sofa. I still have a huge paranoia about using the toilet, making any sound, even if my tummy makes a noise. My DP farts all the time and since being with him I’ve been able to admit to pooping and talking about bodily functions, feels much healthier. Now I shame my DP by asking if he needs a nappy change (he’s only in his 30s) and I tell him if he was in a prison cell, all this disrespectful farting would get him killed 😝

I was so embarrassed by my sticky out ears and my mother, in exasperation, said if she was me she would worry about her hairy legs instead! I was 8 or 9 😫 I don’t shave at all now, sensory perception disorder means I can’t bear the feeling of growing out hairs 😃

This shows what a difference parenting choices make in the future adult life if child. We shouldn’t be laissez faire with children’s development but at the same time attunement is important but barely mentioned.

God what a terribly awful story again I’m so sorry this happened 😞

@DoorWasAJar

My dad as well, used to shame his daughters for any bodily sounds or functions and we all suffered terrible shame with our periods or ever having an upset stomach! My dad would fart like a heralding trumpet all day every day but god forbid one of his daughters should be in the toilet longer than a few minutes or didn't leave the room smelling of roses or they'd be termed disgusting. Leaving any evidence of sanitary protection anywhere was something that he would immediately demand to know WHO was menstruating and WHO thought it appropriate to leave a tampon wrapper in the bathroom bin!

Even now, at 38 years old my husband has never heard me poo, never heard me fart (when awake) and I've only been comfortable talking about my period since we had our last child but I still feel a weird sort of shame mentioning that I'm on my period. To anyone!

I can remember when we were about to leave the house for my DS2's christening, the look of horror on my DM's face when she saw the new shoes I had just put on.This was the early 70s when platform shoes were in fashion.My shoes were bright red high heeled platforms, ''paired with'' a miniskirted dress.She told me I could not appear in church dressed like that as I looked like a street walker and what would the priest say
I ignored her, to me it was was top fashion and a relief to get back in normal clothes again after months of dressing in tent like dresses.

I’ve read on here about the shame of having sanitary wear in the house, luckily ours was just a female household so I didn’t have to worry about that, was there any reasoning given as to why?

Eating and drinking in the street was frightfully common. White stilettos and ankle bracelets were tarty. Grange Hill and Eastenders would corrupt us all.

Oh, there was a list that made you uncouth/a Lady of the Night/non-U. I've probably forgotten more than half of them.

Red clothing.
Black clothing.
Dark green clothing.
Leopard print clothing.
Any colour top other than peach, mint green, mauve or puce.
Stripey clothing.
Spotty clothing.
Flat shoes.
Heeled shoes you could walk in.
Red lipstick.
Eyeliner of any kind.
Mascara.
Shaped eyebrows.
Removal of any body or facial hair.
Red shoes.
Purple shoes.
Blue shoes.
White shoes.
Beige shoes.
Green shoes.
Shiny shoes.
Lace of any kind, including the sort that edges little girls' socks.
Broderie Anglaise.
Ankle socks.
Knee length socks.
Black tights.
Coloured tights.
Skin toned tights unless American Tan 15 denier.
Patterned tights.
Fishnet tights.
Low denier tights.
Opaque tights.
Coloured bras.
Dark coloured knickers.
Any varnish at all.
Nails with any sign of white.
Jewellery, especially hoops, creoles, necklaces, bracelets and anklets. And rings that weren't wedding ones.
Watches.
Long coats.
Short jackets.
Hats.
Handbags, any colour other than dark blue.
Handbags, large.
Handbags, small.
Handbags, clutch.
Handbags with shoulder straps.
Handbags with visible fastenings.
Backpacks.
Baskets.
Macrame bags.
Straw bags.
Short hair without a perm.
Long hair.
Hair cuts.
Hair trims.
Not tying long hair back.
Typing long back into a bun, plait or pony hail anywhere other than sticking directly out the back of the head.
Blow dried hair.
Hair that moved.
Washing hair more than once a week.
Bathing more than once a week.
Showering at all.
Wet hair.
Jumpers instead of cardigans.
Tight jeans.
Baggy jeans.
Tight trousers.
Wide leg trousers.
Strappy tops.
Halternecks.
Polo necks.
V necks.
Scoop necks.
Cap sleeves.
3/4 sleeves.
Long sleeves.
Long skirts.
Short skirts.
Midi skirts.
Floaty skirts.
Tight skirts.
Satin.
Silk.
Leather other than shoes.
Being seen eating or drinking anywhere.
Using a public toilet.
Going to a restaurant.
Going to a cafe.
Going to a pub.
Drinking alcohol.
Drinking soft drinks.
Drinking black coffee.
Being fat.
Being thin.
Being tall(er than her).
Dyeing hair.
Looking out of a window.
Looking into a window.
Wearing sunglasses.
Wire framed glasses.
Sports wear. Including whilst going to the gym.
Going to the gym.
Exercising in public.
Exercising at all.
Admitting to exercising.
Having visible musculature.
Using moisturiser.
Using sunscreen or wearing a sunhat.
Having freckles or sunburn.
Denim.
Shorts.
Swimming.
Sitting anywhere outside.
Smoking outside the house.
Blazers on women.
Perfume.
Scented bath products.
Smelling 'clean'.
Handcream.
Exfoliation.
Pretty soap.
Gum.
Dental Floss.
Smiling.
Fake fur.
Linen.
Dresses.
Fresh Flowers.
Carrying flowers.

You get the idea. However, a snow leopard fur coat smelling vaguely of dust and mothballs was perfectly reasonable and not an abomination against all common decency.

Oh gosh my mother whilst horrified qbout smoking in the street, drinking from bottles, abhorred poor table manners, was thankfully a bit of a lush! Probably brought fur coat and no knickers to life as a dare in 1950s London! At least she lived a little and found her Prince with husband no. 3 . I am inclined to pearl clutch as a result.

Funnily enough, after dipping in and out if this thread all day, DH came in and made a comment about me eating yesterday's leftovers out of a tupperware container, for dinner. He joked it was very "uncouth" behaviour 🤣
Years ago he had a work colleague who seemed to think eating out of a plastic or tupperware pot was literally at the root of all society's problems! (Including England not winning the World Cup since 1966!🤣🤣)

@Latenightthoughts111

I think the reasoning was that he was a man and he shouldn't have to experience anything to do with periods because it made him uncomfortable. Two of his daughters suffered with severe endometriosis in their teens (still do) and didn't have a single investigation or raise any sort of query with a doctor until after they left home because they literally were too embarrassed to ask if the bleeding they were experiencing was normal. My sister used to wad up tissue paper in her knickers because she'd go through a box of tampons in a day and was too ashamed to say she needed more. We were all tampon users from our first periods because my dad wouldn't have sanitary towels in the bathroom bin.

@Kyiv your experience sounds horrific. I didn't use a tampon till later on in life and even as am adult there's times when I don't want to faff with a tampon and use other things. Eurghh I wouldn't be able to forgive him if it was my dad.

Definitely Grange Hill was a terrible influence

My DF was similar. DM told me in very hushed, uncomfortable tones about sanitary towers and where to hide them. No way could they be anything but hidden; hers were in the back of her knicker drawer under a layer of undies. I was told to wrap them up in lots of loo roll and put them in the toilet bin. I was so embarrassed at first, I hid the used ones in my bedroom, not realising that they'd smell. They did, there was shouting and roaring by DF, the Spanish Inquisition into why and I was mortified and upset. I asked DM could I nor use tampons but DF, after consideration said no, that although Bishops had given the ok (for tampons not interfering with your virginity) he didn't think they were appropriate. Bastard.

"Like a common hoor" was added to any statement made about undesirable behaviour.

Not that nice, but I don't equate with actual prostitution.

I wouldn't say it to my children but I would also discourage them from drinking while they're walking, on the grounds that it's annoying when people almost bump into you because they're preoccupied with drinking, chatting on the phone or whatever.

I’ve remembered something… first time I ever went to the hairdresser in my life. I was 15 and had saved the money somehow. I was delighted with the result. Went home, my father said I looked like a whore..

I was told it was common. Oh, and brushing your hair outside of a bathroom was the "height of bad manners "

70s baby too and my mom always said a lot of things said on here. Also she said red shoes no knickers! Also in the days when bread was in the middle of the table and you had say chicken and chips. She said it was common to make chip butties unless had chips on their own.

Yes, and therefore of a similar generation to the dates given by the OP. I am early 80s born and my mother was in her late thirties when she had me. Pretty much bang on the age OP was asking for.

I was pointing out that saying the 60s were a long time ago, so suggesting it’s “not that old a practice” is way off base.

Wouldn't you sit down though
Where? Town centres aren’t exactly full of places to sit. Or would it be less common to sit on the pavement and eat my sandwich? Is there an approved type of seat that makes eating in the street acceptable?

or go in a cafe.

3 quid and ten minutes for a sandwich, 10 quid and 45 minutes to sit and eat something in a cafe. And it’s lunchtime so cafes are full. If I’m going from one meeting to another, I don’t have the time. To be honest, most of the time if we’re eating in the street it’s because we are with my daughter and her wheelchair, most cafes are shit for accessibility. Maybe I should wait til she’s had hers and make her stand then I’ll sit in her wheelchair and eat, would that be acceptable to you?

I may eat in my car if desperate

Sitting somewhere in the street where everyone can see is acceptable, but sitting in your car, away from everyone is acceptable but only if desperate? You must have so little to worry about if you have the headspace for that level of minutiae.

Yes I take your point about the expense

I meant I'd rather sit in the car to eat if I was going somewhere afterwards

Tbh I would rather eat at home then go out

I'd find a bench but wouldn't eat walking along itms

Eating in the street definitely frowned upon. To be honest I can see why.

Tbh I would rather eat at home then go out

How fortunate for,you, you can always do that. I’d love to have so few limits on my time.