I know I probably am, but I want to rant here instead of arguing with DH about it

[saltire]

On Saturday we got a phone call, about 10pm from Step MIL and PIL. "We're just calling to wish DS2 Happy Birthday". i said that he was in bed, as it was 10pm,a nd that his birthday wasn't actually until Tuesday. MIL said they had been through at her neices for her neices son's 7 th birthday and thought it was our DS2's birthday on the same day. She then went on to say that they had bought X (the neices son) 2 Hornby type trains for his birthday and 3 pair of Gap trousers and had taken him and his 2 sisters to thecinema.

Fast forward to Tuesday, DS2 gets a cheque for £5.00 from them for his birthday, aand no phone call. My mum and step dad, MIl and step PIL, my brothers and DH's nan all called to wish DS2 happy birthday, nothing from Step MIL and PIL.
Last night DH says "DS2 will need to call my dad and X to speak to them since he didn't on his birthday". I said no, they never bothered calling to wish him happy birthday, and I said that Ds2 had mentioned to me why had they not called.
I know I'm being petty,I have problems with teh way I percieve PIla nd step MIL and the way they act, and expect us to act
I also know that when it is DS1s birthday in March he will get about £20 from them and this annoys me, how they treat them differently when it's their birthdyas and how they treat their Grandchildren differently to their Great Neices and nephew

Saltire I know it's annoying and frustrating but your dh is right, your son should ring and say thank you for the cheque.

Someone else said on here a few weeks ago,

"Your job is to raise polite well mannered children - other peoples bad behaviour doesn't stop that"

and I thought it was excellent advice.

Don't stoop to their level.

YANBU to be annoyed but relatives are wierd and you won't ever change them. No point falling out with dh over it - he is more important they they are and you spend much more time with him!
I would let DS2 call them and thank them for the cheque - teaches them early on to rise above it and be the better person.
Could also ask ds1 & ds2 to share the total given so it is fairer?

Of course YANBU. Wha is their problem with treating the gc equally do you think? I mean, what is at the root of it? Very odd. Maybe ds should call them - to tell them how disappointed he was not to hear from them.

YANBU

They do not know when his birthday is? That is terrible. They should also treat all their GC the same. How old is your DS? Was he bothered that SMIL did not phone?

My MIL was the same, she treat her grandchild (my step son) totally different to my DD's. She would never visit, if she phoned she'd never ask about them but she'd DSS every day and he'd sleepover etc. He could do no wrong. This along with her treatment of DH and me etc led to DH breaking off all contact with her and she's not seen our DD's to speak to for over 1.5 yrs despite living up the road. I'm not suggesting this will happen to you but wanted to sympathise with you. Its very annoying I know but is something you have to rise above IMO.

So is this your dh's dad and new partner? Is there a big age gap between your ds's (not unreasonable to give more to an older child, but otherwise unfair). My parents rarely manage to remember any of their grandchildren's birthdays (or children's for that matter!) but birthdays aren't a big deal in our family so that doesn't bother me. My FIL's partner is closer to her neice's children than ours because this is her only family, so I am sure she makes a big fuss over them - I guess the difference is she doesn't tell us about it! Did it really bother your ds? He seems to have lots of well wishers I do think he should ring or write to say thank you because that's what you do when you get a present, and even if you think it a stingy one, it's still a present.

She has been DH's step mum for 25 years, and has been with his dad for 30 years. Ds2 was 8 on his birthday so he was awre that they hadn't called, but won't remember how much he got when Ds1 invariably get more for his birthf=day (he will be 10 BTW). I know it probably sounded like I was moaning that they were bieng stingy and it wasn't mean to come across that way. It annoys me - on behalf of DH who is after all teh son of PIL, - about the fact that the Grandchildren seem to get neglected in favour of SMILs family. I'm also well aware that when SIL (SMIL and PILs daughter) has children ours will be pushed even further away.
There have been things in teh past that have annoyed me. When we lived in Scotland we were jsut under a 2 hour drive away. yet they were in our house 3 times, each for 1 day. We kept getting told by SMIL "oh PIL can't get days off at teh weekends" Then PIL would text DH on teh weekend and say that he was at a rugby match, or away through to helensburgh to see SMILs neice, or away for a day trip soemwhere. I would then get annoyed that he could get time off for a rugby game but not to visit his grandchildren. There was, and still is a lot of pressure on us to always have to go and see them they live in the same town as MIL and SPIL and we have to divide our time equally between them. Whenever SMIL calls she talks for ages about how great SIL is, yet never asks DH how his job is going, how the DSes are getting on at school. DH keeps saying not to let it bother me, that it doesn't bother him but I do I can't help it. My mum says it probably bothers DH more than he lets on and me going on about it all the time probably doesn't help.

Saltire - deep breath. Letting it bother you does exactly that - bother you and noone else concerned - which is very unfair. You need to rise above it - you know you are better