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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Neighbour knocked on our door and had a go...

167 replies

Daisycat76 · 25/04/2022 19:37

Not sure what to think of this.... DP and I moved into a new neighbourhood a few weeks ago. It's a fairly affluent area, detached houses etc. Anyway we had visitors over the weekend staying for 2 days, and DP wanted to move our car so the visitors could park on the drive. He parked the car on the street opposite. Wasn't blocking anyone's drive, or parked in an illegal or obstructive way. He parked it there Friday lunch time.

Saturday evening neighbour we've never met came knocking on the door, and without introducing himself just started having a go at us for parking our car there. He didn't ask us to move it or explain why it bothered him - just immediately started ranting that we're "disrespecting our neighbours" and "we don't give a s*". We said we haven't done anything wrong, it's legal to park on any road as long as it's not blocking a driveway. He accepted it's not illegal but it's not acceptable anyway. Said we "should have realized" it would upset him!!

DP then said sorry I'll move it, I didn't mean to upset you and we'd like to keep good relations with you. The guy just kept having a go, and eventually went "well you have upset me, welcome to the neighbourhood" and stormed off.

I'm not being unreasonable here, right? Would you go and have a go at your neighbours for parking a car outside your house for a couple of days?? I keep overthinking it, is it rude to park outside someone's house?

OP posts:
Billandben444 · 27/04/2022 07:29

I agree with all PP but, as you don't intend to move soon, I'd cast him in my mind as someone with mental health issues and feel sorry for him. It does help if you can look at him (from a distance!) with sympathy and understanding rather than irritation. And, before I get jumped on, I'm not being disrespectful to people with issues as it does sound as though he struggles to cope a bit so it may not be a huge leap of the imagination. Oh, and carry on parking where you like.

TheRealNanny · 27/04/2022 07:37

Were you blocking his view of the road? Maybe he has a comfy seat to observe the road and make notes of everything and everyone. Your car was therefore maybe parked inconveniently 🤔

Hmm1234 · 27/04/2022 08:25

Do you know how high said neighbours hedges are infront of their house? Or understand how annoying it can be to see strangers coming and going outside of your property 🤗

MatildaJayne · 27/04/2022 09:59

In our road there are mostly 1930’s semis. Each house has a small drive for one car unless they’ve tarmacked over their front garden. There’s room to park on the street for two cars outside each block of two houses but only on one side of the street. So enough parking for 1.5 cars per house. So there’s no reserving a place outside your own house, it depends which side the first car to get there parks on. It seems to work fairly well, most people have one or two cars. The only time it gets annoying is when someone parks in the middle of the space so only one car can fit in the space for two. That makes everyone Angry!

Dsisproblem · 27/04/2022 12:11

The people who say having a car parked outside invades your privacy.... do you think the car is looking at you? I don't understand. It's an inanimate object.

SirChenjins · 27/04/2022 12:19

I don’t think it invades my privacy as such - just that in our v quiet cul de sac it’s not the done thing as each (detached) house has its own driveway for multiple cars and there are a few designated communal spaces. Visitors would use them or park outside the house they were visiting - to park it in front of a neighbour’s house just isn’t done as the street is clear of cars for 95% of the time. I’ve lived in other streets where it’s totally different - far more cars than driveways or communal spaces and it’s completely different, you park where you can. We all get on v well in our street, it’s a v safe space where kids can play out with minimal cars on the road. I love it here.

LoveAllCakes · 27/04/2022 12:23

Hmm1234 · 27/04/2022 08:25

Do you know how high said neighbours hedges are infront of their house? Or understand how annoying it can be to see strangers coming and going outside of your property 🤗

They’re not standing in the road with a pair of binoculars looking into the neighbour’s home, they’re parking their car and leaving it there. Are we allowed to walk on the pavement past their house either or would the coming and going of pedestrians be just as annoying. Utterly ridiculous sense of entitlement.

yellowsuninthesky · 27/04/2022 12:35

to park it in front of a neighbour’s house just isn’t done

but how do you know these unwritten "rules"? I guess if there are specific communal spaces that's one thing, but what about if they are full? Does the next driver have to take their car to another street to park on?

The mind boggles. Roads are public. Unless they have parking restrictions or you are parking inconsiderately eg on a blind bend or across or opposite a driveway, there is no problem parking on them. At all.

SirChenjins · 27/04/2022 12:41

After living in the same street for twenty years and us all speaking regularly in person and over WhatsApp you get a pretty good sense of ‘the rules’! As you rightly point out, the communal spaces usually suffice and if they’re full then you park outside your own house - you don’t park outside a neighbours house rather than your own. Like I said, I know other streets are different though.

ajandjjmum · 27/04/2022 12:45

Tilltheend99 · 25/04/2022 20:45

Until about 20 years ago, it was considered rude not to park cars in the garage if you had one. Now there is barely an inch of outdoor space not taken up with cars.

I'm in my 60's, and have never been aware of this! You live and learn.

the80sweregreat · 27/04/2022 13:01

One of the reasons we moved home years ago was because of the parking issues and people being precious over a tiny space without any restrictions or any reason you couldn't park there , but they were told ' this space belongs to me ' it was a horrible place to live as the parking was so difficult to do without upsetting someone. It's probably even worse now and not something we considered when we bought it ( stupidly on our part)

hangrylady · 27/04/2022 13:14

What a dweeb. When we first moved into our house with my then 2 week old son I had the next door neighbour knock round and tell me to make sure I don't flush baby wipes down the loo and block the drain! Thanks for the advice random man.

Jaxhog · 27/04/2022 13:15

I had a neigbour once who complained about me parking outside MY house! Because this stopped him from swinging into his drive. He even wrote me an abusive letter!

squiller · 27/04/2022 13:21

Some people seriously don’t have a life at all, they sit at home most of the time watching their neighbours. It’s really weird and they need to get out more. Our NDN are a bit like this, I steer clear as much as I can.

daimbarsatemydogsbone · 27/04/2022 13:33

YANBU Neighbour is a bellend.

Pissyduck · 27/04/2022 13:37

I've parked in his spot a few times as I just go wherever there is a space, and whenever I leave again, he will come out of his house immediately and move his car into the space. It freaks me out that he is obviously watching, as I'm not coming and going at specific times as my work rota is all over the place.

In the past, I would have indulged obnoxious neighbours and got into arguments with them, but since there was that recent case of a couple getting murdered over a parking row I just won't engage. Telling someone they can't park on a public road or outside their house is bullying behaviour, and any kind of reaction just adds fuel to the fire, whereas just being completely disengaged usually takes the wind out their sails.

Just park where you want OP, and if he comes over again either don't answer the door, or just say "oh, okay, sorry that it's bothered you, better go, I'm in the middle of something, bye!" and shut the door. Whenever he says anything just act like your mind is completely elsewhere and he'll just get bored.

daimbarsatemydogsbone · 27/04/2022 13:37

Hmm1234 · 26/04/2022 20:16

If you live in an area with detached houses it’s definitely poor etiquette to park outside someone’s house for a few days. I’d be annoyed to about not having any privacy so see where he’s coming from.

Utter bollocks.

daimbarsatemydogsbone · 27/04/2022 13:41

Emberino · 26/04/2022 21:27

Bit weird for people to think they have a right to control who parks just outside their land registered boundary because it happens to be in front of their property.

Agreed. On our road there a few who have "adopted" the public highway (grass verge) outside and treat it as if it's their own, placing rocks, passive aggressive stupid signs on there and so on. People can get stupidly territorial even over areas that don't belong to them.

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 27/04/2022 13:42

It would definitely be rude where I live to park your car outside anyone else's house. If we do it, we ask first and explain why it's necessary.
Obviously it is perfectly legal, but it does really piss people off and a polite knock to ask doesn't cost anything.

That reminds me of something that happened to my best friend when she was a child - decades ago, but I've never forgotten it. She was walking down a village street and an old lady physically blocked her way and stopped her, angrily demanding to know what was her reason and justification for walking there. Once she told her that she was going to her DGP's house - and identified who her DGP were and which house they lived in - the lady decreed that she was therefore allowed and let her continue on her way.

I'm sure that old lady believed my friend was being rude to walk down a public pavement that she potentially may not have had a direct residential link to. One of those two people was phenomenally rude (spoiler: not the younger one) - and I don't think most people would think she was at all reasonable; but it's not really any different in principle, be it walking down a public pavement or parking on a public road, once you self-appoint yourself the owner of somebody else's property that you somehow think should only be yours.

People can believe anything to be rude if they want to - somebody not saluting a magpie, buying two packs of sandwiches for their lunch, not dressing in an evening gown or morning suit when walking to the local shop for a pint of milk - but that's only an issue for them and doesn't mean that the person doing something that they arbitrarily consider rude needs to change their behaviour at all. Some people believe it to be 'unseemly' for women to go out to work - an opinion they're entitled to hold if they must, but not one to which you would expect to respond by giving up your job to appease their random egocentric views.

Just as the road outside our house doesn't belong to us, neither does our neighbour's house, which is actually attached to our house, so even closer to us than the road, which is separated by a pavement.

If it's weirdly accepted that you need to ask a random third party (whose only extremely tenuous 'connection' is that they happen to live nearby) for permission to use the property belonging to/controlled by another party, who has already given their express permission, that must make my neighbour's visitors the scum of the earth as not one of them has ever first knocked on our door to request our permission for them to enter the home of our neighbour who has invited them over.

Do you also knock on the door of the nearest house to ask permission before your kids use the local council-controlled park - or the house next door to the corner shop that you want to go into?

The only person being rude is the arrogant one assuming that they have exclusive rights to publicly-owned land. I'd love to see how these people would react if a member of the public tripped in a pothole on 'their' poorly-maintained bit of land - I wouldn't hold my breath waiting for them to admit liability and pay the compensation claim themselves.

There's nothing wrong with having generally-agreed parking behaviours in a residential street (although, in OP's case, why do OP and DH have less of a say in this agreement than any other resident?), but you cannot in any way dictate what others can do - residents, visitors or 'strangers' - and you cannot treat an informal agreement as legally-binding or enforce it by using intimidation.

It's also fine to politely ASK people if they would mind leaving a space for you, if you have a good reason why you think they would be willing to do so once they know - personal circumstances, delivery/removal lorry or hearse coming in the morning or whatever; or to request them not to take up two spaces with one vehicle - but the sheer arrogance of stomping over and bullying people as to how they can use public property just beggars belief.

It's odd how often the rudest people ever have a bee in their bonnet about other people - acting perfectly reasonably - being rude in their eyes.

needmorethanthis · 27/04/2022 13:51

It’s not illegal and he doesn’t own the road. We’re very weird in this country and entitled. My husband is like this. He’s like a cat smelling a pigeon if anyone dares to even pause on the public road outside our house. I don’t understand it and I think it means these people don’t have enough going on in their lives.

BungleandGeorge · 27/04/2022 13:58

If it’s a public road he needs to get a grip and realise anyone is perfectly entitled to park there and it’s not rude. Who would have a go at their neighbours for that when it’s no inconvenience to them whatsoever. Weird!

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 27/04/2022 14:01

I don’t understand it and I think it means these people don’t have enough going on in their lives.

I think that's all it can possibly be. So many opportunities in life, so much information and learning at your fingertips; what a way to choose to spend your life. It makes golf look exciting as a hobby in comparison!!

Patienceisntvirtuous · 27/04/2022 14:04

Horst · 25/04/2022 19:40

Well done your managed to local the village idiot. Better to find out sooner than later.

it is rather nice when they out themselves quickly.

I was reported for using this term some weeks ago.
OP YANBU, if you pay your tax you can park where you like with the obvious exceptions.

EmeraldShamrock1 · 27/04/2022 14:06

He was being ridiculous though street parking causes so many problems.

My Dsis lives in an affluent area, the residents immediately take to social media for anyone who parked outside of their designated area demanding to know who they are and whom authorised it.

It's a funny life. 😄

Terryscombover · 27/04/2022 14:16

Defo YANBU. Our neighbour and their mates park all along one side of our house. Blocks access to the side gate etc and we grumble as there are visitors spaces right opposite. But we say bugger all as it's legal. Once we asked them to move as we were having gardening work done so needed the gate clear. Actually the gardeners asked. No issues.

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