To consider using the same name as my friends baby

[Aimee1987]

So for some background me and this friend have been friends since primary school. We still have the same friend group but I moved to another city after uni so only see them a handful of times a year. We are unlikely to move back to my home city in the foreseeable future. For context our 3 year olds have only met once.

When I was pregnant with DS ( before we knew he was a boy) we picked a girls name we loved. It's the Irish version of both of our mothers name so also holds some sentimental value. MIL died recently so for DP this name means even more and he is adamant we use it. My friend has just had a baby and used the name. I am also currently pregnant. Would I be unreasonable to use it as well.

I fear it would be something that may piss off this friend. If I'm not being unreasonable how would you raise it with the friend?

Use the name, it has special meaning to you. It’s not like she choose “Kate” so you choose “Kate”

Also explain it exactly as you’ve explained it here.

I think it's fine, it's not like you see them all the time or you copied her idea. I would explain your choice to her though. A real friend won't be offended by this.

Thanks
That's a good idea to explain and clear the air so shes not annoyed

Unless they share a school class I wouldn't worry.

If your baby had been born first what would you have said if she had picked the same name?

Although noone owns a name I think it is quite odd to name a baby the same as a close friends, especially when they are close in age and your friend might react badly or feel like they had to pretend they are ok with it if they aren't.
I am not saying don't do it but I think it will probably piss your friend off so be prepared.

If you explain that you'd already selected this name during your first pregnancy, that it has sentimental meaning for both of you, MIL has passed away, etc., she'd be very unreasonable to express displeasure. Privately, she may not be overjoyed, but she should recognise that realistically, it has no bearing on her own life, because the two families only rarely see one another.

I genuinely would not care in the slightest. A name is a name. Theres another kid in DS nursery class with the same name as him. There was another aimee in my class.

I see your point that this may irritate this friend but I cried for hours when she named her daughter. The thought of not using the name we love because a child in another country has it doesnt make sense to me.

A friend who has the SAME SURNAME as us chose the same name as our DC2 for her DC2 who was born a couple of months later. It has never been a problem for us. At Christmas I enjoy writing to A, B, C and Jennifer Marie from X, Y, Z and Jennifer Rachel.

If you are announcing baby's arrival by text or on Social Media just add that your daughter is being named to honour both Granny Lizzie and the memory of Nana Betty.

"Wow - what a coincidence - that's our number one girls name." And then ride it out if she's the sort to feel it's first-come-first-served and nobody she knows can use the same name. It might be a bit more difficult if you lived near each other and the children would end up at school together, but since it will only be occasional meet-ups, it's only a problem if someone chooses to make it one. The girls themselves will probably think it's special to have the same name and pretend to be twins.

In a different country as well? Explain what you've said here. I'm sure she won't mind a bit.

Even though it had bugger all to do with me, I took it as a compliment when a friend named her second child the same name as my dd

Whatever you do, let her know beforehand. Send her a lovely message to explain why and go on about how toy you love her choice.

I had someone do this to me and she didn’t even tell me why or anything, just did it. It sucked tbh. Made me feel like an idiot and like she didn’t really care about my son’s existence (from my pov I’ve avoided names I’ve liked if my friends chose them as that’s their baby and ‘then’). Maybe say you’ll use a different nickname for when you meet up?

I think its very sweet. Kids love it when they meet someone with the same name as them.

Personally, I don't see a problem at all, I have about 101 cousins, about half are Miriam 🤷🏻‍♀️

This happened to me - we knew we were expecting a girl and had name picked out. My best friend had a baby 3 months before and hadn't found out the sex. Her baby was a girl and they named her the name we had chosen!

We mulled it over for a few weeks and decided no other name came close for us so I spoke to her about it. She told us not to even THINK about changing the name on her account. I would have said the same to her if it had been the other way around. We don't live close by so our kids meet up rarely. When we speak we refer to the girls as "my xxx" and "your xxx".

It caused no problem at all and if your friend tries to be possessive over the name you have chosen I would question whether she is a true friend.

I never get the agonising on MN over choosing the same name as someone else. Especially if it's someone you hardly ever see. Just do it, if she's miffed then that says more about her than you.