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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not carry on with the pregnancy

35 replies

Sal201 · 25/04/2022 12:59

I have a 6 month old DD and I have become accidentally pregnant (please don’t give me a lecture I know I was silly) I am about 5 weeks, DH has left me and I feel to protect the baby I already have I need to terminate? I feel like such a bad person

OP posts:
MadameDragon · 25/04/2022 13:01

Either decision is fine, concentrate on what you want. You aren’t a bad person whatever you decide.

TheDug4 · 25/04/2022 13:06

I would terminate.

FlibbertyGiblets · 25/04/2022 13:09

Do you mean you are pg to a man other than your husband who has left you?
I would terminate in these circumstances, yes.

FlibbertyGiblets · 25/04/2022 13:09

And no, you are not a bad person whatever choice you make.

Cakecakecheese · 25/04/2022 13:10

MadameDragon · 25/04/2022 13:01

Either decision is fine, concentrate on what you want. You aren’t a bad person whatever you decide.

This. Do whatever is right for you. Maybe talk it over with a councellor if that would help.

Tsuni · 25/04/2022 13:13

There's a "pregnancy choices" board. You might get better advice there

custardbear · 25/04/2022 13:13

FlibbertyGiblets · 25/04/2022 13:09

And no, you are not a bad person whatever choice you make.

Absolutely this. Good luck and be kind to yourself and your 6 month old

Triffid1 · 25/04/2022 13:19

A bad person for making a mistake and doing whatever you need to do to make life better for you and your existing DC? I don't think so.

Do whatever you need to do.

Swayingpalmtrees · 25/04/2022 13:23

Do what you need to do. Getting completely overwhelmed with two babies is a good enough reason. You made a mistake, along with millions of other women. Flowers

Howaboutnope · 25/04/2022 13:25

Personally I'd keep it but only you can decide.

ZeroCaffeine · 25/04/2022 13:26

Howaboutnope · 25/04/2022 13:25

Personally I'd keep it but only you can decide.

She didn’t ask what you’d personally do

Lsquiggles · 25/04/2022 13:28

Has your dh left you because you're pregnant?

Cluelessmouse · 25/04/2022 13:31

Do whatever is right for you and DD. You don’t need to excuse it, to have reasons or to feel guilty for whatever you decide.

CarmenThePanda · 25/04/2022 13:32

Oh, love - protecting your 6 month old is not being a bad person.
t's being a good person making a difficult decision.

Protecting yourself is not being a bad person - it is surviving, and thriving as best you can in difficult circumstances (sorry about your DH) as a Mum to your 6 month old.

A difficult choice can still be a good decision.

The same applies were you to decide to go ahead....would you be a 'bad person' for all the implications of that? No.

DockOTheBay · 25/04/2022 13:36

Do what is best for yourself and your 6 month old, whatever you decide will be the right decision.

Original poster
Sal201 · 25/04/2022 13:37

I made a mistake I should have been more careful, I was trying to get my marriage back on track but obviously failed.

OP posts:
cockapoopoo · 25/04/2022 13:37

TheDug4 · 25/04/2022 13:06

I would terminate.

How come this comment didn't get a 'she didn't ask what you would personally do' reply like the one below?

cockapoopoo · 25/04/2022 13:38

You don't need to. Have the baby if it feels right to you, don't feel you "need" to terminate.

But it's your decision. You should exploit any and all help you can such as housing, benefits. Take a rest if you can.

If you decide to terminate then decide, do, and let it go.

Do what feels right. If you have doubts either way, do the other thing.

girlmom21 · 25/04/2022 13:39

You know what the right thing for you and your DD is. You don't need permission from strangers but we're here to hold your hand whichever option you decide.

You're not a bad person whatever happens Flowers

squiller · 25/04/2022 13:41

Entirely your decision but knowing you will be going ahead as a single parent, I would terminate. Being a single parent is difficult enough with one child, obviously twice as hard with two not in the least a newborn and toddler.

katnyps · 25/04/2022 13:42

Sal201 · 25/04/2022 12:59

I have a 6 month old DD and I have become accidentally pregnant (please don’t give me a lecture I know I was silly) I am about 5 weeks, DH has left me and I feel to protect the baby I already have I need to terminate? I feel like such a bad person

Sorry, what a tough situation. Only you can decide but you will find support here for whichever option you choose. Try to imagine yourself in a couple of years in either situation and see if you can empathise with your future self and your potential circumstances to see how you would feel at that point. It's a very hard time to make a decision - you're probably sleep deprived and hormonal and you've lost your partner so if there is anyone you could talk through the pros and cons with around you, who knows you and will give you a judgment free ear, that would be good.

Parentcarerandcrazy · 25/04/2022 14:13

This sounds like such a hard time for you, be kind to yourself and take some time with your decision

My youngest two are 51 weeks apart and I have to admit that it was not easy when they were babies. Once they got to 2/3 and the older one started nursery, things became a great deal easier and now I love their age gap. But you have to be prepared for a tricky couple of years if you do decide to go ahead with your pregnancy.

Swayingpalmtrees · 25/04/2022 14:18

There are practical things you need to consider, how you are going to support yourself with two under twos. What this is going to do to your job/career as you now need to support yourself and your baby, now supporting two babies is going to put a lot of pressure on you. How much day to day support you have from family and close friends (or not) and if you are going to manage? The sleeplessness nights, the relentlessness of parenthood now that your dh has left.

There is no way I would do it, put it that way.

Original poster
Sal201 · 25/04/2022 14:25

Every single cell in my body is telling me to protect the child I already have right now, I know what I have to do.

OP posts:
Swayingpalmtrees · 25/04/2022 14:36

Yes, your baby needs you to be able to cope.
More than anything else you need to know 100% you can cope.
My mother had my brother when I was 15 months old, and did not manage even with my Dad's help and lots of neighbours to help out. She had two babies in nappies effectively, screaming on and off all night and her nerves were shredded trying to attend to both of us. A 15 month old is really still a baby and it is a demanding age when they are learning to walk etc. I just would not do it. My mother spent our entire childhood only just about managing, and we argued non stop - the small age gap was not good for us. Others might have better experiences. Everyone I know with two under two in nappies really really struggled.

You may have more children one day when the time is right, but devoting yourself to recovering from your marriage and caring for your six month old baby is enough for most people, and I am so sorry he has let you down so badly.

If you decide to terminate do so as quickly as possible - tablets can be ordered and it is better than it used to be Flowers Look after you