To message my ex?

[amberandbar]

I was with my ex for just over a year around 6 years ago. The ending wasn't great due to his lies and cheating. However, I can confidently and truthfully say I'm over it now.

He was training to be a mental health nurse when we split. I remember him saying to me, 'what have you done with your life? Fair enough you have your daughter but what have you actually done with your life?' He said this near the end of our relationship. Coincidentally, I'm now in the final months of doing the course he did (have always worried this looks like I'm trying to follow him).

In spite of this, I genuinely believe he was a good guy. He keeps popping up on my people you may know and it's clear on his profile that he has a fiancé and a baby.

Would I be unreasonable to message him just saying that I'm glad to see he is doing so well and no hard feelings on my part? And congrats on the baby?

Oh but I cant get over the temptation to stalk him. What ever will I do?

Yes yabu. And selfish

It doesn't sound like you are completely over him, if you are thinking about messaging him 6 years later.

Absolutely do not send him any messages. He has clearly moved on, and it's not really clear what you are trying to achieve (given how poorly he treated you).

@amberandbar, 'Oh but I cant get over the temptation to stalk him. What ever will I do?'
In that case nobody here can help you.

You say ‘your over it/him’ so why would you want to contact him? Who care what he thinks, and he’s unlikely not to give a shit as he has a new life. Just be proud of yourself for what you have achieved as it is you your doing it for, not him.

I can confidently and truthfully say I'm over it now.

Come on now, who you you think you're fooling? Not us. If you were truly over him, contacting him in any way wouldn't have even crossed your mind, never mind making a post about it.

You are not over him.

I think you need professional help 😮

Are you training to be a mental health nurse?

Leave him be, under no circumstances make contact. Focus upon your own life, Great news about your course.

No, please don't do this.

And please take off the rose-coloured glasses.

This guy lied & cheated on you and put you down. He is NOT a 'good guy'.

Be glad you broke up, - now he's someone else's problem, so be grateful.

Well done on your course - now use those qualifications to get a super job and move on.

Please don't do this. You'll just look like a crazy ex and him and his gf will laugh about it.
Trust me, I've been there.

Why on earth would he care what you've done with your life 6 years after you split?

"Hi Dave, hope you're keeping well. By the way I've almost finished the same course you did".

"Errrr hi Susan....errrr ok then"

He’s clearly not interested in your life I’m afraid, as he wouldn’t have treated you so badly by lying and cheating on you if he cared at all.
So don’t lower yourself by contacting him to wish him well.

He’s not a nice guy. A nice guy would say you’ve done nothing with your life. Move on.

Wouldn’t*

Read your post and imagine a friend or indeed a patient told you this. It strongly comes across that you're fixated on a relationship of only 1 year that ended 6 years ago. I'd suggest some therapy I'm concerned for your self esteem as you mention this man chested, lied and put you down yet years later when he's moved on and despite NC you're still wanting his approval. You will claim its not this but why else get in touch?

Definitely dont. I get the temptation but what are you actually trying to get out of this? Imagine if he read and didn't even reply?