Marriage -Normal behaviour?

[MrsDWashington]

Feel a bit silly writing all these things down.

Been married for 8 years in our late 30's. Marriage has had its ups and downs. DH can be extremely angry and blow up over silly things, discussed this with him numerous times, said he was seeking help and hasn't.

Couple of things recently that have stood out to me. We were going for a night out with friends I had a dress on, just above the knee. He said that's a bit short everyone is going to be able to see your fan**!! I said it isn't that short. He then asked me if I had anything underneath it to which I said just my underwear to which he replied....show me I said absolutely not. I calmed down a bit and pulled him up on his comment, he said he thought I might have had shorts on underneath! When I said that comment has made me uncomfortable he turns it round and tells me to stop being soft or being a baby!

Also when I'm walking round the house say in my pyjama bottoms (full length) he will put his hands down my pants on my bottom. Say oooh you have no underwear on you’re dirty!

It really gets my back up and have told him this. AIBU here?

Your DH sounds like a controlling creep to be honest.

No it’s not normal. His violent outbursts are emotional abuse and the groping is sexual abuse. I’m so sorry this has been happening for the last 8 years. There are good men out there who would treat you well, I promise. Please leave him.

His obsession with your underwear status is indeed both weird and controlling. I'd slap my husband if he just came up and shoved his hands down my pajamas.

I'm sorry OP. This is not on.

This is not normal behaviour. It's abusive

His anger and his attitude towards your body are both weird and awful.

Sorry.

100% not normal, and 100% unacceptable.

I don't even know what you can do from here aside from LTB. He's shown complete contempt and disrespect for you.

He sounds vile.

Not normal in my marriage - or any relationship I've been in. Your husband sounds like a creep.

He sounds disgusting.

Like the type of man who believes that because you're his wife he owns your body. Disgusting.

So on the one hand you’re accused of showing your intimate areas to all and sundry (when you’re not) and on the other you are expected to put up with grabbed and groped whenever he wants. If he won’t show you more respect, show it to yourself and LTB.

He's revolting.

This!

He sounds like a pain op. My concern is that he said he’s getting help and clearly isn’t. I think you need to have a real sit down and chat with him.

He said he’ll seek help and he hasn’t. Red flag right there.
Please use contraception, and think if this is the relationship you want long term.

I don't like the sound of your DH. At all.

Me neither.

What do you think life without him would look like? (I don't mean bumping him off, though…)

Urgh he's disgusting

He’s be out the door after this sort of behaviour shocking behaviour,.

The biggest concern is that you’ve said these things bother you and he’s not making any effort to stop or change his behaviour. That is what is very much not normal.

Have a conversation about this behaviour with him, give examples and say it’s not appropriate and that you’re not comfortable with his words or actions. See what his reaction is.

Is he a sex pest, OP? I would not be tolerating either the comment re your dress-you can have it bum skimming if you want, your choice or the grabbing whenever he feels like it. That is extremely upsetting.

Groping you isn't acceptable unless you want him to do it - which it seems you don't. It's not normal behaviour, especially when he also seems like the underwear police. Has it got to the stage where you don't want him to touch you at all? If it does you need to consider where you go from here.

I feel you op, my partner constantly has to touch my boobs, bum or lady bits! Walking past me ne pretends there is no room and has to brush against my boobs, grabs my bum, makes comments when im dressing! The list is endless and today I snapped and said you sound like a dirty old man and it’s making me feel sick!! It’s perverted I’m not an object!