the way we talk about sex ed

[thebeespyjamas]

So, given all the talk around it I was just thinking about how we introduce these topics to our 6 year old.

Just curious and would love to hear about other approaches.

My mother gave me a copy of Our Bodies Ourselves and told me to use what was in the book; squatting over a mirror to view my vagina. I did and I learned about its anatomy from the book. Not sure what impact that had but I never had any thoughts around my vagina being wrong or anything. I also don’t remember not knowing about sex and how babies are made. I knew what a womb was etc.

Anyway, my child is 6 and I'm just open, I take the approach that nothing natural needs to be disguised from her.

For some reason I've said a few times ‘in my tummy’ regarding where she used to be and where babies come from, and that just came naturally but it's obviously puerile but I decided to let it go since it came naturally. I asked her on a few occasions ‘do you know how babies are made? Do you want to know?’

And I explained it was via a process called intercourse that a man and a woman do. It didn't go further because she lost interest. She hasn't asked about anything else.

It depends on the child.

Is there anything you would not explain? Is there anything you think a six year old in general ought to know? She’s home educated you see so not in school so unsure if she would have got much else there?

What's your philosophy on it?

My DD has known about periods for a while and knows the basics of how a baby is made, that the woman has an egg and the man has sperm. I don't think they need to know about sexual intercourse at 6, but it's good if they know the basics. It sounds like you're on the right track.

Has she never visited a farm or seen lambs or calves being born, seals being born, deers in a wildlife sanctuary. Can be a bit graphic but certainly gets children asking questions

Thank you. I just respond to her. She's a clever girl, and inquisitive, and she will ask and I will answer honestly.

She's just being six.

So what about schools teaching it from age three? Seems wrong then surely?

Just seems unnecessary to me.

Thank you for this excellent suggestion. I spent time on a working farm on a school trip a couple of times and saw and helped deliver lambs being born.

I have put her around animals as I think it's important. We have a local farm but it's more of a sanctuary and not seen anyone born.

A blind spot re; watching them be born, thank you, I will sort this!

I took the approach of answering dc's questions only when they asked. We did pants are private at 4, and then talked about how lambs were made and born at 6. (We're rural). Human sex ed at 9.

Basic coverage of homosexuality and trans at 11. Respect and consent at 12. Have left it at that. Ds is very science orientated and asks anything he doesn't understand.

Thank you :) Sounds great.

Why would you include a discussion of trans? Apart from saying you can’t change sex, but you can dress as you like…

DS is year 2 and I don't think they've learnt very much really. He knows he grew in my tummy in my womb. He knows he grew from an egg. I haven't mentioned sperm because unsure how to answer how did it get in there at this age but also he's never asked. We've got some body books that he's looked at hit he's not really asked anything.

Re schools teaching it from three, I don't think they're teaching SEX so much as the pants stuff

Just be led by the child on a “need to know “ basis. Always age appropriate and always factual.

My rule of thumb is - if they are old enough to ask they are old enough to know.

My kids have had a basic understanding since probably 5/6 and as they have grown I've never shyed away from a question they have asked.

I had absolutely no sex education or understanding of bodies until my late teens and beyond and I wouldn't put my kids through that.

I have a book called "let's talk about sex" which is really good and covers most subjects around puberty and sex, which they can look at whenever they like too.

My girls have known the basics of periods from a young age, since they asked what the rockets were in the bathroom. At nearly 9 and 10 now they know how babies are made, and the basics of sex. They've asked me what bisexual means so we've had that discussion.

I'm very matter of fact and don't consider biological facts to be embarrassing but should be discussed in an age appropriate manner when asked. My 10yo said most of the class were laughing in their science reproduction class, she rolled her eyes as she told me.

We're also talking about consent, in broader terms, and about saying no if you don't want to do something/feel uncomfortable and no having to give a reason.

I want my girls to be able to ask me about anything or come to me with problems, so I've set the groundwork early for them

Some of us have transgender people in our lives and need to discuss it with our dc surely that much is obvious.

asked her on a few occasions ‘do you know how babies are made? Do you want to know?’

I actually find this quite odd to ask a 6 year old tbh. Why not just answer when she asks?

I'm very confused as to why you care what schools are teaching if you are home Ed. No schools teaching from 3 doesn't seem wrong, try actually looking through the curriculum before making the point, at 3 children are introduced to the basic idea of different types of families, not everyone has a mum and dad etc not the logistics of sex. And as your child is 6 and doesn't know I wouldn't say you are "open" about it all. At 5 my daughter has had the pant song since 3, talks about body choices and who has the right to be in her space, she knows what period are and the correct names for the male and female parts, she is aware of how a penis enters a vagina. She also pretends she's a unicorn and dresses as a fairy. Treating the body as a normal and understandable function doesn't stop a child being a child.

I think asnwering in an age appropriate way when they ask is a good start. And there's no such thing as too young, as long as it is appropriate. At 3 they should know about body parts and about not being obliged to hug, touch etc. when they do not want to. They should also be aware that there are family structures other than man/woman/kids. You build it up from there. This is very much along the lines of the sex ed curriculum in the Netherlands, who have one of the lowest teen pregnancy rates in the world - they're doing something right.

We had the conversation with my youngest son at age 8 due to inappropriate extremely adult chat from a kid in his class (who is now in counselling). I saw a video from Kristina Kuzmic who said watch your face when kids ask wild questions otherwise they will register your horror and not come to you in the future and i have stood by that. Keep my face in check and answer honestly. My youngest son has now had the chat and we tend to have questions raised by both over dinner. As someone else said, if they are old enough to ask, they are old enough to know. I remember getting shut down by my mum about sex (highly religious) and i don't want my children to have the same experience and would rather they ask me stuff than ask their pals and get misinformation

My mum never discussed anything with me so I've always been very open with my children and they know they can ask my anything.

Schools aren’t teaching 3 year olds about sex. They are teaching how to be a good friend and personal hygiene.

Bruno Some of us have transgender people in our lives and need to discuss it with our dc surely that much is obvious.

so what do you teach them?

Clearly I teach them something you disagree with and I cant really be arsed getting into a trans debate with a million links and pointless 'gotcha' questions, there's a zillion threads to have that debate on already, which I tend to avoid, I'm happy with the way I educate my kids, and they are happy, that's all I care about.

I’ve always just answered my DS’s questions in an age appropriate way. It’s been a natural evolution, at 3 he asked where babies came from and got “they grow in their mummy’s tummies”, at 4 he wanted to know more so got told about eggs and seeds, at 5 he asked how the baby gets into the tummy in the first place and how it gets out, so he got a basic explanation of sex (his reaction: “Yuk! I never want to get married!”) and childbirth. He doesn’t know about periods as he’s never asked and although I don’t hide sanpro, I also don’t change it in front of him as that’s a step too far for me. I’ll probably buy him a book in a year or two.

There is so much in the press, and so much talk about trans that a quick explanation of the issues seemed appropriate.

That very occasionally, a person feels they are born in the wrong sort of body, that they want to change sex, and what the different possibilities are. Then leaving the conversation open for questions if dc wants to ask.
It's hardly revolutionary.