Step MIL asshole behaviour!

[Blue89]

Her baby shower started at 1 and finished at 6. Right after I received an invite I decided I wasn’t going as she invited MIL and SIL who have treated me like shit from day one. I thought, why should I subject myself to 5 hours + of abuse and passive aggression for anyone. My partner said if I don’t go he isn’t going either. I said if he didn’t go it would automatically be my fault and I don’t want to give anyone a reason to dislike me anymore. Because of this, we didn’t arrive to the venue until 5:35. I even had do drag our son from his nap to attend despite his bedtime being at 7:15. Luckily MIL / SIL had already left as they heard we were on route. The SMIL completely blanked me and was not too welcoming. I messaged later on to apologise but she read my message and didn’t respond, she later changed her profile picture too. So clearly ignoring me on purpose. As a result I’ve decided I won’t be speaking to her again.

I don’t think it’s worth me being uncomfortable around people just for her delight. Not sure why she’d even invite MIL, strange as they’re not even friends. I feel she is more annoyed because she wasn’t able to experience the drama she tried to create or perhaps im just paranoid.

Thoughts on the situation? How would you deal with things moving forward?

I wouldn't have gone at all. Your DP needs to grow a set of balls and defend you. I'm surprised at men going to baby showers, I thought it was more a woman's type of thing. I've never seena bloke at a baby shower!!

If he won’t go alone and they blame you, who gives a shit, they shouldn’t have been so horrible with you.

Agreed. You yourself said you can't win. Did your DH not want to go because he didn't want to go alone or because he didn't like the way his family treated you?

Also, aside from whatever amount of money/things you have given them to show up late empty handed seems even more insulting.

Turning up just before the end was extremely rude and I didn’t agree with it. I felt manipulated by my partner I to going.

But he didn't want to go either. Why couldn't you let him decide for himself? Why is he the manipulative one and not you?

Bold fail.

I still don't understand what the Step MIL did wrong. Other than not reply to your apology, why on earth are you declaring you don't want anything more to do with her?

What a car crash. Who on earth smokes at a flipping baby shower. It all sounds rough as fuck. Why can't your dp's father and step-mother afford to buy their own nappies?

So your fils wife is pregnant and invited you to a baby shower which you declined because she had invited people you don't like (your husband's mum and sister) and you didn't want to put up with 5+ hours in their company? That's perfectly reasonable if you're no contact with them but it's not clear if you told his stepmum you were or were not going. What did you or your dh stay you the stepmum when she invited you? It's kind of important because they've either been excepting you and you turned up as it was finishing or you've told them you are aren't going and then turned up and expected a warm welcome.

If neither of you responded to the invite and just waited to the actual day of the baby shower to make your minds up and then just turned up for the last half hour it's actually really rude and his stepmum isn't the arsehole, and you doing that has made guests who could be bothered to go leave when you've told them at the end you're on the way.

The fact his mother left when they found out you were showing up after all kind of shows she has no interest in dishing out abuse to you or she'd have stayed.

His stepmum is probably annoyed at how very rude you both were and now you're calling HER the arsehole when it sounds like you and your husband behaved really badly.

And if your husband is manipulative and bullies you into things you've said no to then it's him who is the arsehole.

It's hard to tell who was manipulating who to go as it sounds like he'd told you he wasn't going to go and instead of leaving it at that and sending a text in the morning wishing his dad and wife a good time, you've either not insisted he can't possibly not go and like the only choices are he must go alone which he didn't want to, or you all go together which you didn't want to and like you've been trying to pressure him into going and change his mind all afternoon before choosing to actually go yourself and wake your child up from a nap.

No step mil is older than him. My husband I are in our early 20’s. Bottom line is I should of stuck to my guns and not gone. I’ve vowed to myself to not be around people who have treated me badly and I’ll be sticking to that I’m future. Life’s too short to entertain it.

yes smoking at a baby shower. It was all a bit much.

Yes you can tell you're in your early 20's. One day, when you grow up, you will hopefully reflect on this situation and realise it wasn't about you.

Not convinced its the in laws behaving like aseholes here

So exactly how has your step mil acted like an asshole?