Gifts for ‘everyone’..

[Cockenspiel]

Likely I am being a miserable old git..

But am becoming increasingly fed up of the multitude of gift and money collections for ‘important’ people. I’ve just been added to a Facebook group for ‘gifts for coaches’ - as my DS is part of an Under 6’s football team that trains (runs about the local park) on a Saturday. We pay subs for the football and it’s run by some local parents (mainly dad’s) and is affiliated to the local football club (small town, not fancy league).

The expectation is to now give money to buy the coaches of said team, an end of season gift.

I realise I don’t have to give, but the group based expectation is there. I’m lucky enough to be able to afford it, but it just feels excessive and quite ridiculous that this is yet another gift expectation to add to the various school teachers, class PA’s, colleagues birthdays, leaving gifts etc etc..

Yep, I’m miserable! But am just fed up of the constant social media group / virtue signalling, bored parents, setting these groups up asking for money. Just fuck off now!😁

I think giving unpaid volunteers a gift is more important the others.

I agree with @Duracellbunnywannabe . You wouldn’t believe the grief these unpaid volunteers get (my brother was one). Or the time they have to put in. Same for scout leaders etc.

The coaches don’t get any of the subs. If you sent your child swimming for example the teacher would be paid. These unpaid volunteers are amazing and put in huge time and effort. That said I’m sure they don’t expect anything.

YABU innyour example.
I was expecting this to be about a work group deciding to buy a big gift for a colleagues non-milestone birthday or something, not chipping in to show appreciation for volunteers who help your kids do something they love. They get very little thanks and a lot of abuse. And every kid's team I've ever been involved in/ heard of - from when I was little myself, to me now being parent, have done this for coaches. It's not new.

Don't be miserable OP. Firstly, you don't have to give. Secondly, when my son used to do rugby, you should have seen the amount of work the three coaches put in. Training twice a week and a match most Sunday's. There's no way I wouldn't have contributed as they were doing it all for free.

Totally agree. I’m a recently retired Cub leader. The time and commitment that the unpaid volunteer coaches, leaders etc of the activities DC put in is incredible. DS’s foootball coach works in front line a blue light service, and often comes to training or matches straight from work, still in uniform - he has a wife and 3 dc that he could home to. I certainly don’t begrudge an end of season gift!

Unfortunate example really, they are unpaid volunteers who have to deal with shitty parents. I don’t give money to teacher collections, my kids just take lovely cards (not sure if that makes me evil), same for colleague things unless it’s something that’s a big deal (like a wedding), if it’s a colleague that’s a friend I get them something from me personally anyway. Just change your mindset and don’t donate to things that you don’t actually want to, but also maybe remind yourself that your kids will get a lot out of those coaches and they put a lot of work in, it’s not just running around a field once a week.

As an example:
Cub pack weekly meeting - 1.5 hrs
Set up beforehand - 0.5 hours
Clear up afterwards - 0.5 hours
Planning programme, planning meetings, preparing resources, buying resources, adapting activities for particular requirements/needs, ensuring we have enough suitably qualified people to run the meeting/activity, training, keeping activity/badge requirement database up to date, buying badges, corresponding with parents at a pack level and individually, my own training - about 10 hours a week.

I think the volunteer coaches are more deserving than teachers etc. they are giving their time freely and your child wouldn’t be able to do football without them volunteering.

You all make very good points regarding the hard work that volunteers put in and no doubt the grief many of them have to put up with (although not from me personally and the local U6’s FB group is wall to wall praise for their hard work and effort, which is well deserved).

I am still fed up of being asked for money for gifts all the time though and do find these social media groups a bit pass-agg and virtue signal-y. I would like to be asked if I want to be added to a group before just being added to one and expected to pay (rather than feeling like I can’t leave / opt to get the kids to make a card etc without it feeling like I’m being a tight bastard).

This month so far I’ve contributed to 2 leaving presents, 1 wedding, 2 colleagues birthdays and now asked for the coaches - as well as someone in school class group already asking about end of year teacher and TA presents (already!).

Bah misery humbug 😆

Volunteers so deserving of it. I agree birthdays and colleagues is a racket. I have 8 nieces nephews without extras! Always office collections doing the rounds

This month so far I’ve contributed to 2 leaving presents, 1 wedding, 2 colleagues birthdays and now asked for the coaches - as well as someone in school class group already asking about end of year teacher and TA presents (already!)

Most of the people you've mentioned are being paid to do a job or, in the case of the wedding, you don't have to give. Rubbish examples I'm afraid.

With teachers gifts I always just reply and say ‘oh sorry the kids have already sorted their own thing’ and nobody questions it because it just looks like I’ve already made plans based on what the kids have asked for.

Just reply to say thanks for including you but your child has already picked something out and then mute the group if you don’t want to leave.

as a former volunteer for a group, a picture/card from the child and a chocolate bar was always well appreciated.

I’m a Brownie Guide leader. I don’t get paid of course, but all I ask is that parents are respectful. I’d absolutely hate the thought of the parents being pushed into buying a gift some of them don’t want tow or can’t afford!

one of the most touching things that happened to me as a leader is that at Christmas one of my Brownies won a pair of bed socks in her school tomobola and brought them for me because she remembered I once said I loved a nice coat pair of socks. That sincere gesture made my day!

YABU.

Give to the football coaches if you think they do a good job for your son. As pps have said they are volunteers.

I wouldn't donate to teachers' presents or colleagues' birthday presents, only special birthdays or leaving gifts.

As a general comment, the thing to do if you're added to a group you don't want to be in is to leave without comment as soon as you're added. Hardly anyone even notices. But your unwillingness to give a small piece of appreciation to the unpaid volunteers that enable your child to participate in team sports is incredibly churlish. Maybe you should give up some of your time if you don't want to part with a little bit of your money?

A simple, thanks for being so organised but I prefer sorting my own, will do the job. Why not just be honest.

I'm a bit over people "feeling awkward" about just being direct. There are a thousand ways to say thanks but no thanks, its not other peoples fault that some individuals are such people pleasers they feel uncomfortable saying no. Noone really cares if you do a group thing or not, it's really not a big deal.

@WalkingOnSonshine - that is a very good idea :)

@PlasticineMeg what a lovely story and sweet gesture from one of your Brownies<3 This is exactly the sort of thing I thing my DD would do.

@BlackberrySky leaving asap without comment in future is a good bit of advice for the future.

To clarify, I am not against showing my appreciation to volunteers at all and I regularly thank the folks who run this club (and other clubs like Cubs) and have helped out in all sorts of ways on various groups myself. However I do (secretly!) object to being publicly asked for money and added into social media groups (without being asked) and expected to contribute. I think that having the kids make a card or similar is actually a much nicer idea, rather than just continually being asked for £10 here and there all the time - it all adds up.

I've only given gifts to teachers (usually homemade by the kids, like fudge), or volunteeers like coaches. I don't give gifts to colleagues unless they are leaving and then it's a £5 or so. For friends we contribute to a group gift and only if we are actually celebrating.
Coaches give up a lot of their time - the managers of a team even more (just think of scheduling all those matches, transport etc etc). I'd happily give them a token of my appreciation!

Very good point!

Totally agree OP.

I’m a leader of a Beaver colony and I’d much rather get a card than anything someone has has to pay out for as I’d feel guilty (plus they don’t really know me so I it probably wouldn’t be something I’d choose).
A card is heartfelt when made yourself