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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To wonder if this is it?

7 replies

SPUNfan · 23/04/2022 22:21

I suffer from chronic clinical depression and have done since I was a child. Been on antidepressants for 12 years now (I'm mid 30s) and despite some minor improvements at various stages I've never consistently felt well.

I have a 5, 4 and 1 year old. Suffered very bad peri and post natal depression with middle child, and PTSD due to traumatic birth and an accident a few days after birth with my youngest. For the last 3 years I've been on 150mg of sertraline (was on fluoxetine before but they switched when I had PND).

I've had CBT, I've seen a psychiatrist, I've had hypnotherapy, paid for private counselling and EMDR. And yet still just feeling so depressed. My moods have dropped to consistently low levels and I have had quite a few severe episodes in recent weeks.

I tried to reach out to my GP but no online appointment booking allowed still. I find it impossible to discuss this over the phone to request an appointment so asked DH to call them for me but he hasn't.

I feel so trapped in this cycle and just wonder if this is life and I should just suck it up? Max dosage of sertraline is 200mg which I'm not far off... I've previously got down as far as 25mg fluoxetine. Just feeling a bit despondent despite all my best efforts I'm still stuck in this depressive state of mind.

I guess I'm just wondering if anyone with similar problems has tried different medication or treatment and can recommend it?

OP posts:
Zerochucks · 23/04/2022 23:24

Hey, I’m afraid I don’t have enough experience in this area to offer helpful comment but didn’t want to read and no respond. It sounds like you’ve had a really hard time of it and have been battling to move things forward in a positive light. Definitely keep reaching out to doctor and keep pushing if you feel more is needed to address the situation and current treatment isn’t working. Three young children on top of everything else will also be naturally exhausting. I hope someone else can come along with some valuable advice. In the meantime, keep reaching out. The steps you have taken to try to move your situation into a positive light are admirable, I hope the right help and advise comes along.

Therealpink · 23/04/2022 23:37

You have a 5, 4 and 1 yr old. That is a lot of stress and pressure when you are vulnerable mentally anyway. I hope you have good support and help with them. But the hard work of being a mum should ease in coming years so that in itself may help you get stronger. You’re doing great. Have sought help and are trying different things to get well. Keep going, it’s not a straight line and you are knee deep in one of the toughest periods of life for a woman with 3 very little ones.

Kat1953 · 23/04/2022 23:45

I'm sorry you're struggling so much.

While nothing in your post points to specific symptoms of either (and I'm sure some will roll their eyes at me), I wonder if you've considered the possibility of being neurodiverse? ASD or ADHD...I ask because in recent years its been recognised that many women have gone undiagnosed for either as both conditions present differently in women than men.

Lots of women are now finally being diagnosed in their 30s, 40s and 50s and its common for them to have struggled with illnesses such as depression. (I'm one of them.) With ADHD also (not sure about ASD) it often doesn't start to become noticeable in girls until aprx the age of 12.

I also strongly recommend a blood test to check your iron, b12, thyroid and especially vitamin d.
I know it probably sounds like me telling an insomniac to avoid caffeine in the evenings but as someone who's also lived/living with chronic and treatment resistent depression, i know that when my levels of these are low (even if still above the nhs deficiency threshold) it really makes my depression worse. And being still a year post partum, with 3 small children, I wouldn't be surprised if your stores weren't depleted.

I'm assuming you have with the treatment you've tried in the past, but are you under the care of - or have you been seen by - a psychiatrist? It would be worth considering a referral if not, as they can prescribe / advise on medications where GPs can't (just as any consultant would).

I'm making no assumptions about your financial situation, so if you're in a position to afford private blood tests then look into it. Also, if you can, I would throw money at making your daily life as easy as possible to lift the burden of household and even childcare from you so that you can focus on looking after yourself more. Even if this just means more rest.

If there is nothing underlying that could be making it worse, like I've suggested, then I also wouldn't be surprised if its just that you're going through a difficult few years. Motherhood with small children tips women with otherwise robust mental health to the edge. When your mental health is already fragile, it's no wonder you're struggling more. (Which is another reason I think throw money at daily life if you can. )

On top of which, you've dealt with significant trauma that's resulted in ptsd. Even if your treatment for it was successful, it takes time to convalesce.

It really does take time and rest to recover from trauma to mental health and we often don't allow for this. I can't say that you'll cure depression completely, but I do think it can get better for you.

Don't lose hope just yet op. 💐

SPUNfan · 24/04/2022 08:48

Gosh thank you for your comments especially @Kat1953 lots of things to think about. I suppose I forget that I'm in the thick of parenting young children because.. I'm in the thick of it! Things are easing up with my eldest so hopefully that's a sign of things to come with the other two.

I think I might have some undiagnosed ADHD or ASD, my Dad certainly has ASD. Perhaps work investigating.

Thanks again

OP posts:
3luckystars · 24/04/2022 08:50

All the best.I agree with the terrific advice above.

Moochio · 24/04/2022 08:50

Would you be able to request an appointment better in person? Ie go to the reception? Or you could write a script to use down the phone? Or switch to a surgery that does use e consult? Or as a last resort pester your husband every day until he does it.

Allmyarseandpeggymartin · 24/04/2022 08:54

I’ve no experience on the mental health side but just wanted to say you’re a mum to 3 under 5 - that is one of the toughest challenges anyone can face - and you’re doing it! Give yourself some credit. Hopefully life will get easier as they get more independent too

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