To be upset by this comment

[Emily932]

So the girls have planned a few nights away in a few months for us all to get together, will be leaving kids at home with DH. First time I have ever left them in 5 years fully overnight. My MIL made a comment that shouldn’t be doing this stuff now that I am a mum, my DH is always at stag do’s and doing things with his friends (although she doesn’t agree with that either) but now I feel guilty, like I shouldn’t be doing it? She said she went away when her first baby was months old for a week and regretted it so much? I feel there is a big difference from leaving a 5 year old to a 2 month old, and even then it is personal preference and I don’t judge it at all. I just was in no fit state until at least 6 months PP haha!

I think you should tell her that you're upset by her comments and don't want to feel judged or guilt tripped by her.

You may well want to return to work or do other things outside the home. That has no reflection on your ability to be a good mum.

Think highly of her, that's nice. But in this instance she is being very unfair. Notice she is being judgemental then let it go. Don't allow it to make you feel bad.

Instead of "mil thinks I am not a good mum if I leave my children for a night I don't want her to disapprove of me."

Tell yourself "wow I am surprised MIL thinks I shouldn't leave children. Such a double standard as her son has had a break. Disappointed in her reaction. Children will be happy and well looked after with dh and I deserve a break. I am a great mum and MIL knows it"

You think highly of her but she certainly doesn't of you. Stop telling this cow what you're doing, and tell your husband he does not have permission to share your activities. Fuck that lady. Honestly. I've never heard anything more ridiculous.

I went away years ago with my husband for 5 nights - children then 6 & 12 survived no damage and don’t really remember us going but husband and I have lovely memories of being away - funnily enough I was looking at the photos of us away today and we both look relaxed and personally think better parents for it to having that break!!

my MIL looked after the kids willingly. My MIL can be difficult and fairly opinionated at times, but can see having a break (whether together or separately) once in a while is good for us.

It's your call. I could never and would never leave mine but each to their own.

What does that have to do with MILs opinion on OP leaving hers? If each to their own surely you agree mil is being unreasonable?

Sorry that was to @Nelliephant1

It's healthy for the children
You should be There when they need you , but also showing how to be your own person not just living for others , and good for their relationship with the dad

@Nelliephant1 what is your reason? I’m on the same page that it is no longer the 1950’s and women should be able to do what they like. I would NEVER judge another woman/mother for going our enjoying themselves

She is talking nonsense. Just because you are a mother you don't stop existing as a person in your own right.

I think the first time I left DD for a night was when she was about a year old and DH and I were invited to a wedding. My DM lived about an hours drive from the venue and she offered to have DD for the night so we could stay overnight in a hotel and spend time with friends. It was great to have that break.

You have your night out and enjoy it and ignore your MIL

Opinions are like arseholes. Everyone has one, you just don't need to hear them.

Go and have fun.

I personally think it’s really healthy for parents to have the occasional day or night away from their children. Leaving a 5 year old at home with their other parent is perfectly fine….unless he’s some how incapable of managing to care for his child alone for 1 or 2 nights.

This isn’t about you it’s about your MIL own feelings about her parenting, don’t let her put that on to you. I’d simply just not talk to her about it again and if she brings it up close the convo down and make it clear you don’t want her opinion.

she’d been very rude and unkind.

Your MIL is being ridiculous. Ignore her comments. A good mother does not have to be shackled to her children day and night. Does she think DH is incapable of looking after your child on his own for a couple of nights?

That would do my head in, it's all well and fine for DH to enjoy his life but as a mother you must be chained to the home and a martyr. No thank you and not the impression you want to pass to your kids.

There is a big difference from a baby to older toddlers/school age children. Presumably your DH is capable? (Bloody hope so) and as such what is the issue.

Remind her that you aren't a single parent and her son will be doing his bit.

It really posses me off that mothers are made to feel guilt about things like this. It has really pissed me off if I’m honest, I’m too sensitive though I think and I need to not give a monkeys. DH said just ignore her.

her husband literally just sits there all day and she is like a servant. Not for me at all

Do it ! it’s just a different generation and they did things differently back then . She’s probably secretly jealous.
my dm very rarely had a night out without my df when I was growing up because he HATED it . He’d say go but be really grumpy and miserable I mean wtf your not joined at the hip .it would be unthinkable to actually have a weekend away . I can’t imagine many woman putting up with that now .
if dh goes on weekends away don’t see the issue it’s none of her business your not just a wife and mother your allowed to enjoy yourself.

My dmil was constantly making comments like this to me - not my dh who was also away a lot for work and sometimes with me when she was complaining. My own dm used to tell me to go and have fun! Life is too short to worry about what others think and before you know it the kids will be grown with their own lives anyway. You need to maintain your own friendships.

A lot of these comments come from jealousy - they had no one to help with the kids so we shouldn’t be able to have time for ourselves either. Funnily enough, dfil once said in passing that it was nice that we had time for each other as they always had the kids with them. Just ignore and have fun.

Genuine question though, at what age would you actually leave them? It's all well and good saying you never would but you'll need to at some point. All kids grow up and want more independence, they'll move out eventually and long before that they'll want sleepovers at friends etc where you won't be there

YABU to give her comment any headspace at all or let it upset you in the slightest. She is entirely in the wrong - ignore her on this, however nice she might be in other ways.

It's your call. I could never and would never leave mine but each to their own.

Why though (assuming they have another parent who'd be looking after them)? It baffles me that some mothers think it's fine for them to look after their dc while the dc's father goes away, but not the other way around. Why?

You also win no awards for mother of the year haha

I think you need to explain further why ? The op has her dh to take care of the dc for a couple of nights as she has done when he’s gone away . Do you not have that support ? Can the other parent not manage for a weekend?

Because as mothers we are led to believe that we shouldn’t be able to bare a few hours without the children as that would mean we didn’t love them. Sadly the PP believes this bullshit, I think I’m also buying into it too it seems 😩