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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

**TO SEEK LEGAL ACTION AGAINST MY NEIGHBOUR**

50 replies

kiwi97 · 09/01/2008 20:52

I've been having numerous issues over the past 4 years and more recently before Christmas with my neighbour upstairs.Four weeks ago my husband wrote a letter for the neighbour about ongoing issues. The next day she confronts me about the letter & disagrees with certain points and argues with me.When I return back from dropping off my child at Nursery, there's a foul smelling liquid been poured outside my front door & I know it's her but can't prove it
This has happened three times during the week and she's the only one in, because she doesn't work. Three days later she tells me I've logged a complaint against me to the local authorities. On the 20th Dec 2007 Social Services arrives at my front door, telling me that there's an allegation about me looking after young children without being registered as a childminder & that the children are or been left alone.I'm not quite sure what's going on & feel very upset & of course violated by the accusations made. I'm 100% sure it's my neighbour upstairs who has logged a complaint against me. I'm a mother and qualified NNEB & feel I'm a victim of a malicious attack & false allegations made against me, which could put my career under scrutiny. These claims have been made by my neighbour upstairs.
I look after my friends child on a casual basis as my child is best friends with her's and they go to the same Nursery. This childcare arrangement is an agreement between friends,not a formal childminding arrangement.( I'm not a childminder) Yesterday I received a letter from Ofsted & Social Services, there's no case & no futher action to be taken against me. My family feel very emotional about the harassment received from our neighbour & are seeking advice about if I can take legal action against her for false allegations.
DO YOU THINK I'M BEING UNREASONABLE?

OP posts:
callmeovercautious · 09/01/2008 20:54

no

naturalblonde · 09/01/2008 20:56

No YANBU she sounds like a nightmare. It's awful when you can't prove it's her, even when you know it is. Can you keep a record of all the stuff that's happening? Might be useful if you want to take legal action.

Swedes2Turnips1 · 09/01/2008 20:59

Do you own your home?

Olihan · 09/01/2008 21:02

No, but you'll need more proof than 'she's the only one in' I'd imagine. Could you set up CCTV or something to catch her in the act? Presumably SS will have a record of the allegations she made to them, although it may have been anonymous, if she's just trying to cause trouble.

A solicitor's letter may be enough to scare her though.

Have you contacted the police for advice about having her warned for harrassment or similar?

Original poster
kiwi97 · 09/01/2008 21:09

I rent the house and have been keeping a daily record about what's been happening over the last month. On the 2nd of Jan I sent a letter to Ofsted too request who has made this complaint against me.
Yesterday when I received the letter from Ofsted about no action to be taken, there was the same envelop from Ofsted for her. This tells me for sure she has complained to them about me. All I need now is for them to tell me in writing, so I can take this futher.

OP posts:
Original poster
kiwi97 · 09/01/2008 21:12

I haven't contacted the police, I'm making sure I gather together enough evidence against her for a stronger case, if there's one.

OP posts:
WinkyWinkola · 09/01/2008 22:04

Is there any way you can build bridges with her? Obviously I don't know what's been going on over the last 4 years but if you could work things out, wouldn't that be better?

Although if she has poured something suspect through your door, that is pretty sh*tty behaviour!

SenoraParsnip · 09/01/2008 22:06

I don't understand how you can be so sure its her. I doubt a court would agree that it's 100% certain.

SenoraParsnip · 09/01/2008 22:08

ps ofsted and social services won't tell you who made the complaint and nor should they. some people are incompetent childminders/neglectful parents and the public should be able to make anonymous complaints.

Janni · 09/01/2008 22:13

This sounds horrible. Lots of good wishes to you. Definitely keep detailed records of all incidents and try to stay calm and not be brought down to her level.

nametaken · 09/01/2008 22:19

What did she do in the first place that made you write a letter of complaint to her?

partsky · 09/01/2008 22:49

I was a Housing Officer for 20 years until recent medical retirment and I am certain that you would not be regarded as having an proof, as the law in this matter hinges on the issue of proof and reasonableness. Whilst it is reasonable for you to have "quiet enjoyment of your home" (the legal definition used in harassment cases) you need reasonable proof that your neighbour is responsible. I appreciate that you may be right but sadly you need to utilise diaries, stating only facts, not opinions, on any incidents and, as a previous poster advised, possible cctv. However, you usually need to catch someone "in the act" on cctv or with witnesses. Any thoughts on mediation? Most councils or CABs can refer you to mediation agencies. Only works if both parties are willing to liase with the mediation agency. So sorry............wish I could help more. Iam so glad I do not do this work anymore. It was heartbreaking

Original poster
kiwi97 · 10/01/2008 10:07

To Senoraparsnip,
You can request from Ofsted who has made the complaint, it's in there duty to carry out & investigate. This is called Freedom of information team which work with Ofsted.(Iv'e sent a letter to them)
This is false information my neighbour has given, I'm not a childminder and never intend to and Oftsed have made no futher action against me, because there's no case.
I have never and would never leave my child alone or unsupervised. Why would I jeopardize my choosen career, which I'll return to teaching when my child is at school full time. I'm not incapable or unskilful to look after my own child let alone teach other children.

OP posts:
Original poster
kiwi97 · 10/01/2008 17:21

One more thing. You are right in what you say, people should be able to make anonymous calls about incompetent childminders. But surely that works both ways, making wrongful allegations is inappropriate and illegal. One of the claims was that my own daughter was being looked after by an unregistered childminder. Now you can see how strange that sounds considering I myself look after her and I am the mother. So yes in cases were someone is being wrongfully accused, they to have an obligation to protect them. There is right and wrong on both sides, but both sides should get treated the same.

OP posts:
KrippledKerryMum · 10/01/2008 17:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SenoraParsnip · 10/01/2008 17:26

but kiwi, what do you need protection from? nothing has happened to you.

wannaBe · 10/01/2008 17:33

what do you hope to achieve by taking legal action? An apology? financial compensation? Even if you were to take action against this woman, you will still be neighbours. If you win, which given the lack of evidence is unlikely IMO, she's not suddenly going to become your best buddy, or even a tolerant neighbour. If you lose, you will have to go back to living underneath her and if she has perpitrated this she will know she can get away with it and will continue to do so. Plus you will be massively out of pocket for any legal expenses and for what?

Why did you write her a letter? what exactly has she done to warrant your complaining to her?

Personally I would just move. If you're in rented then you don't have the hastle of having to sell a property so just look for somewhere else and give notice on your current flat.

Scotia · 10/01/2008 17:33

kiwi, I thought the allegation was that you were working as an unregistered childminder. Are social services aware that you look after your friend's dd? They have to investigate claims like this - and I have been the victim of nasty unfounded allegations to ss in the past, so I do know how it feels.

They were very apologetic but I knew they had to do their job or they might miss a genuine case. I was actually advised by them to speak to a lawyer about a lengthy campaign of harrassment, but there was obviously more to it than I can mention on here.

KrippledKerryMum · 10/01/2008 17:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

wannaBe · 10/01/2008 17:37

"Four weeks ago my husband wrote a letter for the neighbour about ongoing issues. The next day she confronts me about the letter & disagrees with certain
points and argues with me.When I return back from dropping off my child at Nursery, there's a foul smelling liquid been poured outside my front door &
I know it's her but can't prove it".

sounds like the liquid was dumped outside the door after the letter was sent. so what was the letter about?

lulumama · 10/01/2008 17:39

i would concentrate my energies, as wannabe has said, on moving... legal action is time consuming and unlikely to get you anywhere fast.. and she won;t go to prison, so you will ahve to see her everyday.

so YABU .

madamez · 10/01/2008 17:47

It is possible that she thinks you are picking on her and she is defending herself. You mention 'ongoing issues' but don;t say what they are, your husband wrote her a nasty letter... SOunds a bit like both sides need to get a grip and grow up, really.

Original poster
kiwi97 · 10/01/2008 19:53

No the letter wasn't nasty and I myself am not looking for protection. We only asked her to stop putting on her washing machine after 11pm at night as our child's room is right underneath & she keeps on waking up. This has been said to her in the past. Also playing her music late at night which the council has sent her a letter in the past. Then she reports a malicious attack on me by contacting Ofsted & Social Services giving them false information & wasting there precious time on me. There lots of children out there everyday being sexually & verbally abused & she has taken that time away from them. My mother ran a Foster Home in New Zealand for 5 years & in that time my family cared for lots of children from abused families. Sorry, I'm just annoyed with my neighbour for making such unfair claims. I appreciate everyones comments & after reading them I don't think I'll take legal action, all I want is for her to stop harrassing my family.

OP posts:
Squiffy · 11/01/2008 12:58

You need to cool down and ask yourself what you will achieve by upping the ante? This is not about who is in the right and who is in the wrong; it is about co-existing in peace and how best to achieve that.

You hate her, she hates you. Nothing is going to change that.

If you want some calm, do you really think going to the solicitor is going to achieve that? Or putting in CCTV? It is just going to escalate things. Chances are if she is as spiteful as she sounds that she will just do 'different' stuff and you will end up with a huge legal bill.

If you don't want to, or can't, move then you have four choices:

  1. Ride it out and/or offer the olive branch (because someone has to and she won't).
  2. Take legal action and prepare for war
  3. Say nothing for the moment but slowly (and without her realising) accumulate so much evidence that you have a strong case to sink her with and then take action
  4. do dirty tricks to her

2 and 4 don't sound like winners to me so it has to be 1 or 3. 1 will stick in your throat and 3 will be hard to do (CCTV will look pretty obvious outside your house unless you go for something expensive). Can't think of any other options for you.

By the way, you say the council has sent her a letter about playing music loudly? Who informed the council? If it was you, then I think she probably thinks she is retaliating against harassment from you?

Being in th right won't really help you here, and I think a good lawyer would probably advise the same (a bad lawyer will see this as an opportunity to drum up good business writing letters on your behalf every month or so whenever she seems to be doing something new)

cantkeepup · 11/01/2008 13:03

for goodness sake don't even think about legal action - it would cost you a fortune and achieve nothing.( i say this as a Solicitor - non practising now but neighbour disputes are always a nightmare and NEVER resolve things)
if you are both social housing tenants see if your landlord provides a mediation scheme - some do and it could help you both to sort things out.