AIBU to consider move to Newcastle?

[Jods1982]

I am a health care professional, in a fairly specific field. We live in my hometown in the south east (not most expensive, not cheapest either). Moved jobs 2 years ago but have been qualified for 16 years. Like with other health professionals job has become relentless after covid and no signs of returning to 'normal'- overbooked clinics, increasingly complex patients, staffing issues. I am a union rep and from what I have gathered by other reps, this is the case across the country. I am burnt out and I am exhausted. There is no routine work any more and I dread going to work most day. I've just started an intensive course which is done partly at work, partly at home (independent prescribing) which is being made difficult to do because of all of the above. This is the only thing I'm trained to do to change careers I would need to start over and I'm not sure what else i would want to do. I turn 40 later this year and the thought of spending another 25 years doing this job fills me with horror.

DH was promoted 6 months ago which gave him a significant pay rise and enable me to reduce my hours to 4 days and now has a WFH contract but has occasional meetings in other areas of the country (3-4 times a year). The main office is in Newcastle. We have 2 DD aged 5 and 9 (year 1 and year 4). As DH WFH he does school pick ups/drop offs, my parents pick the girls up from school once a week to help out, though this not essential. All of my family live in my hometown, in-laws live 30 minute drive away. My parents are retired, FIL retired and MIL likely to retire in next 3-5 years. All in their mid 60's and relatively good health.

Anyways last 2 weeks have been horrendous, broke down in tears a couple of days ago to DH, that i feel trapped by my job. DH covers the mortgage and I cover bills and my car (only have 1 car). We could possibly manage on DH salary alone but down here would make it very tight and wouldn't allow for any emergency costs. My DH has suggested moving to Newcastle area, or further north. I was initially hesitant (schools, moving way from family etc).. we had a look at rightmove and we could sell our 3 bedroom house and by a 4 bedroom house in Newcastle area for 100k less than our house is worth. We could comfortably manage on DH salary alone and I could retrain or get something part-time. i could maintain my registration for a couple of years so if i did decide to return to my profession then I would be able to do this fairly easily. I have said to DH that I will see how things go over the next 6-12 months but if nothing really improves I am done with my job, I can't continue in a job that is making me so miserable.

I think we have largely felt obligated to remain in the southeast (my parents would come round i think, pretty sure my MIL will throw a fit) but I can't help feeling this could be a really good move for us. Has anyone move up north and regretted it or is it the best thing you could have done? We don't know anyone in Newcastle, though DH has a few colleagues who live up there and we don't know area at all. Bonus points for recommendations for good areas to live in Newcastle or on the outskirts. TIA.

Do you currently have family support for childcare and if so would you miss it if you didn't? We live in the NE, family live elsewhere and it's tough at times. We have no backup support if either me or DP have to work late/early/away. Worth thinking carefully about, as it's not obvious why you need to move to change what you're doing.

What's your housing budget? Newcastle is generally alright location wise but some areas are more accessible than others, proximity to a metro stop being one decider.

We moved to Durham from Buckinghamshire and it's the best thing we ever did. We moved from a three bed semi to a five bedroom house, although now the kids have grown and left home we have downsized again to a three bedroom. Mortgage was paid off when we moved to Durham which was a great feeling.
We live between Durham and Newcastle now and the coast is half an hour way. I work in Newcastle, I think it's a great city to work or live in. Loads of lovely areas to live. Jesmond is great if you have children, great at any age I think. You can walk into the city from there but it has its own identity.

I wouldn’t move anywhere if I had 4 healthy grandparents nearby. For two reasons:

1. how inCREDible for you and your children to have that close relationship with family. (And for you to have occasional babysitting!)


2. mid 60’s and healthy now. But in 10 years? 20? I know we’re not obligated to care for our parents but having been through it I couldn’t have been at the other end of the country. No.

We lived in Carlisle for 8 years, it's a lovely place with great transport links North and South. ( West Coast Mainline and M6) London, Glasgow,Edinburgh and Newcastle are all in easy reach.
The Lake District is close by and the city has a lovely parks areas.
House prices are very good value.
Newcastle and Durham are great too.
Northumbria and surrounding areas are beautiful to visit.

Neecastle and it’s environs are fabulous (largely), I lived there for 7 years, but do not underestimate how hard it is to raise children away from your own families.

We live in Yorkshire now, mind and DH’s families both around Bristol, and our dc are 10 and 13. We’ve never had any help with any type of childcare or babysitting. No emergency pick ups from school, no one to look after a sick child on a work day. No one to step in if I’ve been ill. No impromptu nights outs with DH. No child free weekends away. No help with school holidays. I’m not complaining, I’m just distilling some truths of rainy your children away from family. I laugh/ cry in desperation at threads on here sometimes where a poster grumbles that her MiL looks after her children x days and y nights a week, but gives them sweets for breakfast.

As the DC got older, it was difficult to field the “Can Grandad come to my football match, is Granny coming to the school concert, will Nana come to my birthday party” queries from the DC. We spend large amounts of annual leave and school holidays visiting them too, leaving little time to see the DC’s actual friends. And we have done 90% of the travelling for the 20 + years we’ve lived here.

I used to say that bringing up dc far from our families was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. Then last year DM moved here; now I say it’s bringing up my kids and looking after DM through cancer treatment. Goodness knows how that would have panned out of she was still in the SW.

About 5 years ago a colleague moved from tte south coast to Leeds, for similar reasons to the OP, with a view to being able to afford a family house. He’s found that childcare has absorbed a lot of income and affordability, and his DW misses her family dreadfully, she’ll go for the weekend (5-6 hr drive each way on Friday/Sunday).

Just bear these things in mind before you commit. It would be awful to move across the country and be broke and miserable - sometimes it’s a case of not knowing what you’ve got til it’s gone, and it’s an awful long way from the SE to Newcastle.

DogDaysNeverEnd we aren't reliant on my parents or inlaws for child care as DH WFH so does all school pick ups/drop offs and we generally split the school holidays between us with some help from parents in summer (maybe 1-2 days a week). Due to the cost of living down here I couldn't leave my current job and move to a different job with a similar salary without retraining etc.. i'm a health professional but not a nurse and there aren't different areas to go into really.. its either private practice or NHS, and I have no interest in private practice. Our budget is around £250k though we would have to rent initially

Areas generally viewed as being ‘good’ areas to live are Jesmond, Gosforth in the city, or maybe ponteland, Tynemouth, Morpeth, Hexham a little further out. Though you may be surprised at house prices, gone are the days you could pick up a bargain in those areas. We’ve no family on doorstep either but always managed just fine with a good network of parent friends (for child swaps during the holiday periods) or there are plenty of holiday clubs etc which are reasonably priced. Newcastle is a great spot to raise a family so think you will do just fine in that respect so sounds like it’s the impact upon your relationship with parents that will need the most consideration. You may also miss the warmer conditions of the south though, it’s definitely cooler up here !

Just spotted your budget which might be a little tight for a four bed in the areas above so Heaton, Benton & Low Fell might be worth a look too.

Course not. You have to do what is right for your family now. I'd think about what you may want to do when your parents get older though. Would you want to move closer?

The biggest thing you need to consider is the impact on your children of being moved at that age so far away from their family. All of your reasons for moving are focused on you and your feelings, understandable when you're feeling low, but your children need to come first.

Can you spend a long weekend in Newcastle as a family and see if you like it?

Newcastle is a culturally diverse city with excellent cinemas, theatres, restaurants, shopping and night life.
Some of the UK’s best beaches (Tynemouth, Cullerciats, Whitley Bay) are 30 mins away. Famous UK heritage sites are within an hour’s drive (Bambugh Castle, Lindisfarne,, Hadrian’s Wall, Durham Cathedral). You can get to the Lake District in two hours and Edinburgh in 2.5 hours.

it’s a great place to live and work.

You should be able to get a 4 bed in your price range in Denton, Fenham, Red House Farm or possibly Heaton and Kenton (do not stray far from the Kenton Road area). They all have good transport links to the city centre.

Benwell, Elswick, Walker, Byker are improving but can be rough in places.

I was at university in the north east and then worked there for four years in the 90s. There are some very nice places to live, the comments about friendly people were my experience, and the transport was good.

The thing I found difficult was the early darkness in winter, but this was in the days before internet, streaming, Sunday shops etc.

Be prepared for the temperature drop! I've always lived in the NE but it is no myth that it is 'colder up North'.

We've in Low Fell just south of Newcastle..I'm a local but mu husband is from Devon so on set of family is as far away as you can possibly get in the same country. I think compared to our friends in the South our quality of life is good as house prices and eating out etc are cheaper (our detached 4 bed in a nice area we brought a few years ago for 300k. Also it's compact and you can be at the cou try or coast very quickly. I would say ) like anywhere there Re some not so nice parts so it's worth doing lots of research and whils the likes of Newcastle/Durham/Hexham/ Morpeth are nice and have lots on some smaller towns less so. Also, loads of medics from all over the place in Newcastlw dunno the specialist hospitals so I think making friends that way would be easyish

Oh and O.H, my favorite southerner loves it up here and my MIL has recovered from me dragging her eldest son 300 miles away and loves to come and visit!

Morpeth is a wonderful little town, or further north to Alnwick, Bamburgh etc (Alnwick is still only one hour from Newcastle). We moved 'up north' when our DD was 1 and had no family support. It worked brilliantly for us, although ultimately my mum moved to be closer to us.

Hi OP, I’m from Newcastle, and would move back there tomorrow if I could (been based in London 20 years, and sadly circumstances prevent me from moving back just yet).
The quality of live up there is just incredible.
Fresh air, beautiful coastline, amazing countryside, excellent transport system, so much to do culturally, and the restaurants beat London, hands down.

Tynemouth is beautiful, but prices have gone through the roof in recent years. I’d look to the areas directly around here - you can still get incredible properties nearby, in Whitley Bay, Monkseaton and North Shields (especially the bit of North Shields directly adjacent to Tynemouth).

www.rightmove.co.uk/properties/122561669

www.rightmove.co.uk/properties/122349587

www.rightmove.co.uk/properties/122671307

what beautiful houses! Makes me want to move

Thank you mumsnetters.. I think the biggest impact would be on the kids tbh, in my head I thought if we were to do it may be easier when they were younger but they adore both sets of grandparents.

I work with high risk patients and have done for past 16 years, but since covid we have more complex patietns, staffing issues etc. We have 2000 more patients on the caseload than we can actually see. A job I used to enjoy for the best part I now feel trapped in as its quite specific. I've got a 1 2 1with my manager next week so will discuss then (my manager is very nice)

My DH suggested the possibility of moving, as I could change careers/retrain whilst he supported us but we could only really do that if we lived in a cheaper area of the country. He likes where we live but he put it to me as a possibility.

I don't think my MIL would forgive me.. years ago DH grandparents moved from surrey to cornwall and DH uncle moved down with them..caused lots of issues (uncle played the martyr but equally my in-laws rarely visited/helped out etc). Years of resentment/build up and minimal contact resulted in that side of family declining invite to our wedding (11 years ago.b)DH grandad died in 2007 (before we met) and his gran died in 2016 and the last time we saw DH 2 uncles and cousins was at her funeral and i'm pretty sure FIL hasnt been in contact with them since😟

I'd definitely give some consideration to Gateshead - literally the opposite side of the Tyne. It has some really lovely areas, Low Fell and Ryton in particular. It has excellent transport links into Newcastle (and everywhere else in the NE to be fair) and is slightly cheaper. Our 4 bed detached house was £250k a year ago and we live in a lovely family neighbourhood with plenty to do nearby, as others have stated, the coast is a 15 minute drive, beautiful forests and woodland within walking distance, the metrocentre is 5 minutes away, close to the airport and train station. Gateshead was recently highlighted as the most affordable place in the country with the most outstanding schools as well (so were a number of other north east based towns). We count ourselves incredibly lucky to live here!

Speaking from experience it's very hard to raise children away from their extended family, but more so if they've spent years bonding and building attachments with them. And 5 and 9 isn't really young, not for doing that. They will already have some roots and attachments where you live. They will also stick out like sore thumbs in Newcastle because they will talk differently. As an adult in this situation the "banter" about it can be annoying. But as a kid they might struggle a bit. Especially as there will be colloquial terms they don't understand too. Obviously accent isn't a reason not to move, but definitely a factor to consider. Have you spent much time in Newcastle?

I live on the coast near Tynemouth. Cullercoats, Monkseaton and Whitley Bay are all lovely family areas to live and schools are generally excellent with good links to the city via metro and beautiful beaches on your doorstep. You might be a bit surprised by house prices though- the coast isn't much cheaper now than where my parents live in the Cotswolds. A 4 bed house for £250k will be hard to find.
It's a great place to live though. I am a southerner and have been here for nearly 15 years and it feels like home. People are so friendly and you have so many beautiful places to explore within an hours drive.

I moved to Northumberland from Scotland when I was 18, then went to Bedford to train as a teacher a few years later, but I came back to Northumberland after that. To me, the North East is home!

There are good schools up here for your children and it’s a friendly place to live. I can recommend looking at the Tyne Valley for housing if you don’t want to live in a city but want the benefits of easy access to Newcastle.

My parents are 5 hours away but we still visit them several times a year. It's hard but do-able. We have found that friends and family love coming to visit so tend to have a houseful every school holiday. I do worry a bit about what will happen when my parents need more help though.

Blimey- those houses are as expensive as Bath or places like Horsham. You tend to think you are going to find big and lovely houses for £300k 'up north' but clearly not the case if you want to live in what a lot of mumsnetters woujd consider a 'nice area'. I like Newcastle a lot too but I'm not sure if you were paying in those regions it would make practical sense as expensive trips down then if you are bothered about seeing family or friends -- and I can't see how you could live on one income unless you have enough equity to virtually buy outright