Please help me feel better about my teens

[mycatisannoying]

I'm sitting here crying and feeling rather low about parenting my soon-to-be 16 and 13 year old daughters. Also have a 20 year old, but she's an angel who's grown out of the bratty stuff now
It all started last night when I implemented a new phone rule. Nothing hardcore at all (I'm really pretty relaxed), just to get off them at a reasonable time before bed and put them to charge outside the bedrooms overnight. Well, you'd think I'd asked them to commit mass murder. And then it just kind of snowballed. I remained calmish throughout, but it's just so fucking hard.
Their dad picked them up tonight, as it's their weekend with him (good timing!) and apparently all they did was bitch about me to him. They've always been reasonably loyal before, so I feel that this crossed a line and I'm so bloody disappointed.
They are such privileged kids. Spoilt by their wealthy dad (both are being taken by him for iPhone 13s tomorrow), private school, holidays, lovely meals out, etc.
I guess you could say I'm more of the 'real' parent, the one who deals with all the nitty gritty. I try to raise them to be kind, to have empathy, to understand that you can't live your life without consequence, to take responsibility, and not spend endless amounts on them. But I feel like I'm failing miserably.
Earlier today I took a deep breath and phoned their dad (something I hardly ever do) about a couple of important matters pertaining to the girls. He made a dig about me to my eldest tonight about how 'your mother likes to talk and doesn't get to the point'. I checked the call time and it was 3 minutes long, that's all.
Next time I won't bother.
I'm just downhearted tonight and feel like fucking off and leaving them all to it.
I know this is an odd request, but please could you give me your unreasonable teen stories
It's hard being a single parent and not a co parent as there's never anyone to tell you you're doing alright, or that you made the right shout when you did X or Y.
So sometimes I think 'is it just me fucking all of this up?' when actually I'm trying kinda hard to raise them to be good people
Thanks (and please be gentle).

Teens are pricks. Let their Dad keep
them and see how he gets on.

I've heard it said occasionally that the teenage years are to prepare us for when they fly the nest. Maybe there is truth in that, although some remain at home much further into adulthood.

My youngest (of three DDs) will be 20 in July so the teenage years are behind me now, thankfully. They are all now quite agreeable most of the time, and very different people to the sulky 13 - 16 year olds that they used to be. No mega teenage girl strops for several years now. I don't miss those, and neither do they.

It's a phase. A long one, but it does pass and things do get better. They become human again.

My DS is almost 13 and everything is a battle. He also acts extremely entitled and is utterly ungrateful.
I bought him a huge Easter egg last week and instead of a 'Thank you' I got "Did you get it in the sale, is it in date?" He then looked at me with distain and pushed it to the back of a cupboard.
He also told me last week that the laptop I saved up for and bought him for Christmas is crap.

DD is a year younger and so far we've had no issues with her. She's a lovely, kind and considerate child.

I'm not a single parent but Dad isn't supportive and doesn't discipline DS at all which is probably a factor in why my DS treats me as he does.

So hard w the phone thing. I think unless you implement ground rules from day 1 then you’re fighting a losing battle at nearly 16.
My DS (18) didn’t like me saying that it was highly unlikely he had covid again yesterday when he asked for a test - he only caught omicron a month ago. I thought I was being reassuring!

My dh set our ds phone up so it turns itself off at 9.45pm on a school night. Ds didn't talk to us for about a week...he got used to it! Yanbu

@JustDanceAddict
You're dead right. These things are a nightmare if implemented too late. I really, really wish I'd been wiser re phone usage, but hindsight is a wonderful thing.
They never, ever used to sleep with their phones in the room. But then over time I conceded to the 'oh, but we need them for our wake-up alarm'. Well, no more. I've bought them an old-school alarm clock!

@Philisophigal
that sounds brutal. You must be so relieved that the worst is behind you

So my
unreasonsvle teen story - I can’t even read
Your full thread or the other responses because I still get flashbacks of the teen years. Sometimes i feel it gave me PTSD!

however, I now have a functioning, polite and loving son. He was hiding for a long time but he’s returned.

good luck and my condolences - just the worst years ever

My teenage DD is splitting us up. My DP has moved out as she cannot take the abuse from DD - and DD says she cannot take the abuse from my DD. We have found out that we have very different approaches to parenting :(

Far too many dreadful tales of DS2 as a teen, I’m not sure how I survived. However he has grown into a lovely man. He’s a good person, a loving partner to his girlfriend and is genuinely sensitive (if very scatty).

if you’d told me then I would never have believed you.

hang in there. And to posters who ask things like, ‘did they agree to the new rule?’ Of course they bloody didn’t. That’s precisely why parenting is hard and never more so than with teens. You have to do the adulting.

Your ex sounds a bit of a twat but if he has an ounce of reason or good sense maybe text him, ‘straight to the point, please can we stay on the same page re phone usage. It’s impacting on their education.Thanks’