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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Partner issues.

4 replies

LVS2627 · 22/04/2022 20:02

Me and my partner welcomed our gorgeous first baby into the world last June. In the beginning my partner was amazing. I couldnt have asked for better.
He was up doing the night feeds, changing nappies, making me breakfast in the morning. I also suffered quite badly with my anxiety and he was such a good support he was quite literally my rock.

However I'd say the last few months have been really difficult and he's definitely not as attentive as he once was. I literally have to do everything from feeding her, changing all her nappies (he point blank refuses to change her if she's done a poo) her morning routine & night routine. I went back to work 30 hrs a week last Oct and I'm also the one who has to drop her off in the mornings at her grandmas and pick her up in the evenings. I'm also the only one who seems to do any cleaning around the house. He's literally like a human tornado and just leaves mess wherever he goes.
Whenever he's off work the house just gets into such a state.
The only thing he will do is cook my meals. He's a great cook and I obviously really appreciate him doing this but to be honest I'd happily make my own meals if it meant him doing more.

I love my little girl to absolute bits and enjoy every minute with her but honestly at the moment I feel completely burnt out. My partner works shifts & is full time so maybe I'm being unreasonable to expect more from him but I'm literally working 30 hrs a week whilst also doing everything for our baby and all the cleaning and housework.
In the mornings when we are both off work I have to go downstairs make my baby her bottle, sort the dogs out, feed her, change her nappy, get her ready for the day then give her breakfast all whilst he just lays in bed on his phone. When he eventually comes down he will make us both breakfast and I swear he thinks thats all he needs to do.

I feel I never get time to myself ever. On top of all this I'm struggling with this massive new lifestyle change and trying to adjust to everything. I dont particularly feel close to my best friend anymore since having a baby or any of my close friends for that matter. They don't have kids themselves so I suppose struggle to understand what I'm going through.
I feel so fed up at the moment and don't really know what to do.
I've tried to tell my partner how I feel but it either ends in an argument or he just trys to turn it into a joke !

Anyone else in the same boat?

OP posts:
Merryoldgoat · 22/04/2022 20:13

Nope. He sounds rather selfish and unpleasant.

What does he say when you talk to him about doing more?

rogueone · 22/04/2022 20:14

YABU for cleaning up after this manchild. He isn’t part of your team and is another man who thinks now your a mum that your 30hrs of work is pocket money therefore you need to do everything else. Your not his mother - he needs to pull his weight or you will continue to get resentful. You are allowing him to treat you like this so he needs to be told to ship up or ship out

Jastree · 22/04/2022 20:32

I literally had to double check who wrote this post as I was convinced I had somehow written this in the middle of the night or something?? This is exactly- and I mean exactly what I am going through - and I really understand both your exhaustion and your frustration.
I'm actually amazed how similar our situations are.. my baby's dad does absolutely zero around the house, I do all the cleaning, tidying and everything for baby, along with working. And yes, he just lies in bed on his phone before getting up and making the house an absolute mess. I'm absolutely exhausted. Difference is that we have split up and I have asked him to leave, so I have the added frustration of him still being here and living in a very strange (and exhausting) limbo.
There have been other issues aswell and with everything my resentment and frustration just built up and I couldn't do it any more. I do everything for baby anyway so what difference would it make if he wasn't here? None. Well actually my life would be easier as I wouldn't have to tip toe around my house trying not to wake him whilst I look after our baby and whilst cleaning up after him..
As for advice for you all I can say is that if this continues, your resentment will probably just grow and as you get more exhausted so may your tolerance for this.. It really is super hard to do everything, all of the time, we all need support. PM if you'd like to chat xx

Marblessolveeverything · 22/04/2022 20:35

In my case I gave an ultimatum, step up or step out. We separated I have a partner now not an over grown child to look after.

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