To ask when my DD15 will get over her heartbreak

[Fishandchipstwice]

DD got her first boyfriend last year and they were together almost a year and appeared to be completely smitten with each other.
He dumped her at the end of February without any warning and she is still really struggling. We have kept her busy with activities and friends but she is still crying on and off and moping about.
Unfortunately they are in the same tennis club so she sees him regularly and her team mates couldn’t wait to tell her when he had a new girlfriend almost immediately and he’s been very proficient at putting it all over social media (she isn’t looking but gets sent screen shots regularly by others!)
I keep waiting for her to get angry but she doesn’t seem to be moving beyond sad. There are some things I could share with her that would make her realise he was not as perfect as she still thinks but I know the advice is not to speak badly of the ex so I haven’t.
She is so young to be dealing with such huge emotions and for the first time in her life, I can’t fix it! I thought she’d be well over it by now. Does anyone have any advice that might help please?

Lovely dad stories on this thread.
dad awards to both those dads.

I know this is an old post OP but I'm going through this at the moment. He's cheated twice now and they have split but she's still in touch with him. He's saying all the right things but his actions show different. I can see He's a lying controlling cheat but she can't. Well her head can and her heart can't.

How did you get on, is she OK now and do you have any tips? Thank you

Try if you can to get her to focus on his bad points. Things that irritated her and/or made her cringe. No-one is that perfect!

Beyond that, the best cure for a broken heart is to find another love interest!

I got dumped by my first boyfriend when I was 17 and it was very damaging to my ego. When I started dating someone else my ex got extremely jealous and decided to try and win me back but I wasn't interested at that point. How quickly the tide can turn!

Teach her the phrase 'Not my circus, not my monkeys,' to employ any time people try to push the ex into her attention-field. I found it very helpful in 2018. After only a few weeks, I actually believed it.

Oh, sorry. Responded to a Zombie.

Sorry you are going through this Manic. It is truly rubbish.
My DD is doing ok now. It took a long time - it was only really mid summer that thing turned a corner.

She took him off social media and asked her friends not to send any info about him to her and they respected that. Thankfully after a few months he actually left the tennis club so that helped enormously. At the time I thought she’d really struggle not seeing him again but it actually helped hugely.
She hasn’t had another boyfriend since - has focused on friends and school and I don’t think she’ll dare to dip her toe again for a while yet.

She did eventually reach the anger stage and that was when things changed. When she realised he’d been talking to another girl while they were still dating, she got cross and I feel that was healthy. I did eventually help my DD see the faults to try and get him off that pedestal she seemed to have him on. She made a pros and cons list of their year together and the cons vastly outweighed the pros. Every time she started yearning for him again, she read the list. It really helped!
I realised just how over him she finally is the other day when a mutual friend told her that he’d split up with the girl he dumped her for. She barely reacted. That spoke volumes.
The whole experience has actually been good for her I think (never thought I’d say that!) as she seems to take less crap from other people. It’s hardened her a bit I feel.
I hope your daughter sees him in his true light soon. It’s so hard. Encourage her to do other things and focus on her.
Good luck! Happy to talk more if it’s useful.

@fishandchipstwice

Thank you so much I really appreciate that. I suppose the answer is time. It doesn't help that she's still meeting up with him and his friends but she'll gave to figure that out herself I think. Thanks

I am not very technical - if she blocks his number will that mean she can’t see his posts on the tennis chat?
is there anything she is really interested in or wants to do? I think it helps if she has something to look forward to. I booked my daughter who likes makeup into a week long makeup course during school holidays and it helped her self confidence.

Great update!

I get that you need to let her work through it all and feel how she needs to feel rather than dismissing it BUT I do remember at that age needing my mum to snap me out of things after a while.

I remember laying on the sofa all doom and gloom about splitting up with a boy, was with him over a year and he went off with my best friend 😭. Luckily there was no social media then! My mum was sympathetic etc for quite a while and then I remember her marching it saying right now get up, get your glad rags on, we’re going out or you go out with your friends, which one? Then she said a great girl like you?!?!?! Upset over a twerp like him?! I can hardly believe it! Then everyone who came in she’d go to them look at her!! As in, look how wonderful she is!

I’m not saying that would help your daughter but it did work for me and my siblings. It felt safe and reassuring and also a bit funny so it made us smile even if we were still so sad.

I feel like she’s keeping herself stuck in this situation. Maybe it’s because she doesn’t know how to move on. She could leave that tennis club, she could leave the WhatsApp group, she could be stern with people sending her screen shots but she doesn’t want to.

If I was seeing her for counselling that’s one of the things I’d be asking her. What is keeping you stuck in this situation and what would life look like if you wasn’t.

💐💐💐

Sorry! Missed your update for some reason 🙄. Great news for your daughter, glad she’s in a better place.

Can she block them? Then she is still in the chat, but can't see their contributions