To feel sad that I don't have close family like I did growing up?

[Butteryflakycrust83]

I keep getting pangs of jealousy when I see friends with close family units. Mates who have helpful mothers who help with childcare, sisters and brothers with kids so lots of cousins around. What's left of my family is scattered, and my husbands family are abroad. We only have one DC and none of my siblings have or want children of their own. We also live in a big city so don't have friends nearby. My parents are quite insular people and don't have a friendship group. I feel like I always see big family parties with extended family and old family friends and thats just....not a thing for me.

I guess I feel a bit resentful at the choices my family made to suit themselves (as they should) DO effect the life me and DC have. How I I break this cycle? What are the positives here I can focus on?

Sharing DNA with someone doesn't automatically make you best mates - you just need to read a handful of threads to see that. And one person's "close family helping each other out" is another person's "living in each other's pockets and overwhelming".

Of course you can feel sad about it, you can feel sad about anything you like for any reason. But feeling sad isn't going to move relatives closer or make your siblings want children.

And the statement "we live in a city so don't have friends" doesn't make sense.

We dont have friends close by, should have said. Everyones at least an hour away on public transport.

Make friends who become close and you share events with. My BFF became someone who was equally bereft of family and she was always happy to hang out with us at Xmas and Easter etc, put yourself out there with some invites. I know it’s tough but I went out to create people I could hang out with instead of family.

YANBU OP. I get pangs like this too. I'm an only child. I grew up around close family with grandparents and cousins. The family has scattered now and my parents are dead. My DH is an only child too, and his family are not close. We see my extended family occasionally but I do envy friends with big, close family units.

I am lucky to have very good friends though, I see them as the family I chose. I know I can call on them day or night if I need them and the same applies to them. I'd be there in a heartbeat if they needed me.

It does make me sad that my sons don't have a bigger family to rely on, but I try not to dwell on it and I'm very grateful for my own wee family now. They're my priority.

I hear you OP. I'm the same, although my DH and I have also chosen not to have kids (partly because of not having anyone around to help us out with them).
My mum and dad are divorced and live 3 hours away. Mum never remarried. I've got one sister who lives in Europe who I'm not close to. DH's parents randomly retired to a location where they have no links, 3 hours from where they'd lived for 40 years. Them doing that made DH's sister feel out of sorts, so she moved away too - to somewhere far away to suit her new relationship.
So our family is small and very spread out. Old friends are also spread out - including overseas.
It has made me so sad over the years, but what we've done is move to a nice little town where we can properly put down roots. We've made lots of nice local friends here and really feel like part of the community. I feel settled for the first time in my adult life.
But it will remain the only thing I get jealous of. Forget fancy cars and big houses - I'd just kill to have my extended family within 20 minutes of my home.

Some families are fun and supportive - but growing up I had a DB who was a liability, always needy, a DB with drink probs, an alcoholic parent so Home life was erratic.
Sometimes you're better on your own

I get it OP, for the past 20 years I have only had one brother live close to me, for years I was a solo mum and I always knew he would always be at my place at a drop of a hat, and he's a tradesman so would always help out with the more men type jobs (chopping hedges, fixing my spouting etc). Now he's moving two hours away to where my other brother lives (us three are all quite close) two hours away, my parents (until they died recently) lived in the same location two hours away. On the positive side both my brothers live in a nice location and seem to be in competition on who I decide to stay with 😆We are all NC with our other brother. Only really see my nieces and nephews at Christmases, big birthdays etc.

My DH died nearly a decade ago, and I only have one DC. DD has just finished University so has been back and forward for holidays etc and has recently moved in temporairly whilst she job hunts for employment in a different part of the country. I am dreading her going..its been so nice having her around recently. I do have a lovely group of friends though in my community from the days when my DD was at primary school, and others who I have met over the years in way or another,

I totally get this OP. Growing up we had a big family, there was always a barbeque or party to go to. Now I'm an adult, there are no children in our family, everyone has gone their own ways. It's very lonely.

My best friend has the same family make up as I do, and she is very close to hers, they're always on the phone to each other and going away together or to their houses for tea, and it does make me really envious sometimes. I'd love to have something like that.

I'm the same OP . Grew up near grandparents and seeing cousins regularly. Now my sister and dad have emigrated, my mum has died and cousins are too far away to see so we've drifted. I only really think of my sister in the UK as family tbh. The rest are family on paper only. I have great friends and lovely oh and do. But come things like bank hodays, people get together with extended family and we obviously don't (sister is 4 hours away). It's a sad reminder of how small a family I have now. I try and concentrate on what I do have though the pangs of sadness are always there.

You are so lucky that you're free to do what you want & liberated from the smothering effects of a large family - make your own life & enjoy the freedom.