Being a SAHM forever

[gemmaorjemma]

It's so hard.

I miss working.

DS is however disabled and I can't. He doesn't sleep, on strong medication, for more than 3 hours a night.

I use the time he's at school to sleep. Not to mention all the other complications around it all too

I see so many threads about pensions and I just feel so shit

If you’re not working and claim carers allowance you will get a credit towards your pension - are you doing this? Okay so it only ensures you get the state pension but it’s better than nothing.

I am in exactly the same boat. Disabled child, I’m disabled, can’t work, on PIP and dla etc etc.

I am 23 too so it feels like I'm watching life go by now

I had a good job before DS's needs became apparent

@Bagelsandbrie thank you. Yes I am getting CA so I'll have the state pension at least but it's pittance really

You have my sympathy OP. Two of my children have special needs and one is profoundly disabled. I’ve struck lucky to get a wfh job but it took me ages as I need term time only mainly as the kids can’t access holiday clubs. Being a carer is really really hard. If you get carers that’ll do your NI contributions towards a state pension.

@Ohquietone Sorry, it is so hard

I think I need to avoid threads talking about SAHM. Loss of self esteem, pensions, savings, work progression 🥴 reading it is really upsetting sometimes

You are doing the most important job in the world. This is your focus but they will come a time when you can get time to do your work later. You are still young they will be time to pick up your career. Until then you should be so proud of yourself that you are doing the best for your son. ❤️

@Tomselleckhaskindeyes Ahh thank you. You're so kind. That's made my day

You’re really young!

first think about what you want to do once he’s at school, can you look into courses locally or online so you have something to focus on for you? Maybe if you liked your previous job, what would you need to get a higher role? Maybe a change of direction?

Plus, why not look into respite care for the holidays? I’m sure things appear harder when there’s no school.

@Threetulips he is in school full time

I get 10 hours respite a week. Sometimes used at weekends so I can go out. Or split so I can do things like attend medical appointments, let DD have a day out without DS

That type of thing

You’re twenty odd years younger than me. You can get your child sorted and into some sort of supported living arrangement as they get older or arrange for carers and then hopefully get back to work. (My friend has successfully done this and her and her son are really happy). You have a lot of time yet. Don’t beat yourself up about this. You’re doing the best you can right now.

@Bagelsandbrie I know but that's a good 15 years away minimum.

It's a lot of time, pension and savings wise

You'll be a decade younger than me when you can start building a career. In fact, you can start doing things to get you work ready well before that. I am having to build a new career (and life) at 50, and with young children. It will be easier for you. 40 will feel old to you now but its actually a really great age to be starting on a new phase in life.

Do you have a partner who works op? If so, he should be paying into a private pension on your behalf. I'm a sahm and dh pays the same amount per year into my pension as he does into his own, although obviously mine doesn't come with the employer contribution that his does, but it means I'll have something when retirement comes around

40 doesn't sound old to me!

But it isn't young, really. Certainly not of an age where it's anywhere near ideal to only just start building a pension and savings