finding coping with colleagues really hard

[cofingalthetime]

would you say you're a 'political' person - not that you like politics, but just are you good at relationships and 'manoeuvering' in work. I'm feeling so lost at the moment. Thought I was friends with a colleague but things have happened and I've realised she's not a friend, bit of a back stabber. I think I'm just too naieve and take everyone at face value. I don't realise they are all just doing stuff to make themselves look good. Can anyone else relate at all.

Sadly yes.

I realised that you don't go to work to make friends. I just decided to go to work, do my job and then go home. It made my life so much easier. I hated all the office politics, sucking up to bosses, smiles to the face and backstabbing the minute you turned round.

Yeah, thanks. Trouble is I'm very bad at acting and pretending - in a meeting today I couldn't look at the 2 colleagues I was in the meeting with as they both sucked up to each and laughed at each others jokes though I've heard both bitch about the other behind their backs...! Yeah I'm trying to do the work and ignore thing now. This latest one just caught me off guard - I thought she was genuine. I'm just way too trusting, you'd think I would have learnt by now, to be more suspicious.

I have one who EVERY SINGLE TIME passes my desk comments that I have a piece of paper on the desk, or 2 pens, or a post it note.. they comment loudly. They do it when others are around and are so loud. I’ve given up saying anything in response. Makes themselves look like a right dick. I want to push their head in the shredder.

Hi op I learnt alot temping. As you say just do your hours. Find offices quite clicky and bitchy..

I know what you mean. I go to work to do my job and that’s it. If we get along, great, if not, I’m still there to do my job.

I had a colleague who couldn’t bear that I didn’t want to be friends with her and tried to make me out to be bullying her. I had only spoken to her one time alone longer than 10 minutes (it was in Feb) and that time was enough to know she wasn’t my cup of tea but would be polite. She reported me to her manager after I supposedly didn’t show enough sympathy for her having to wfh on Christmas (it was June and she had told me this in that first convo). The initial conversation was between me and my colleague about something else and she butted into the conversation, we were both working so weren’t giving her our full attention hence my lack of sympathy, other was HR after I reported her for disrupting my work by going to a manager because I somehow upset her (One, written an email about something work-related and cced team in following team protocol, another explaining to her that she could go to another team member for what she needed because I was done for the day. I had my bag in hand in hand when she stopped me l) and for going around telling the office that she reported me to her manager and mine. Why she felt that was necessary, no idea, but I wasn’t going to stand for it. She didn’t know my reputation was of helping people in different departments, showing them ways around our system to make their jobs easier and obviously didn’t talk to her enough to be a bully. Her reputation was of being disruptive to the point that colleagues had reported her but nothing had ever come of it due to her manager “protecting”her. She didn’t last long after that from what I was told (was pregnant when all of this was happening and had gone on mat leave).

Thanks all. God @phoenixrosehere she sounds like a nightmare!!!! Nothing like that, or as bad as that but I need to be careful. I have a colleague who was a friend, but I just can't stand her what I call two-faced - ness. Other people would just say she is 'politic', i.e. sucks up to people, but it's just made me very wary of her and I regret being so friendly with her. I think she knows something is up - today I just said I was really tired cos I've had covid, which is true, but I just didn't feel like talking to her. Next week I think there are other people in when she and me are in so it will be easier to avoid her hopefully. I just see through her 'fakeness' now and realise she uses 'niceness' or over-friendliness to get ahead.

I see it all as a type of board game as I try to get what I need. There are temporary alliances depending on shared objectives and then there are people you are very wary of because you saw them do something vile once and you tag them in your mind as high risk beware. All bosses get told they're right and what a brilliant idea. Every request is met with 'great yes I'll look into that' but mostly I don't. Many bosses get an idea on the spot but forget it if you say 'great', whereas if you argue they get all stubborn about being seen to be obeyed. Read The Rules of Work by Richard someone. Treat it as all a game.

She was but it did prove to me my instincts about people are rarely wrong and that people eventually show their true colours.

My manager at the time didn’t stick up for me even though she knew I rarely talked to the woman. I was doing my work, my team lead’s (he was off due to illness for months and then was put on another project when he returned) and some of hers (was hired but never worked in the business before) which other colleagues knew (open plan office) so that soured relations there.

She did get moved to a different department right before I went on mat leave because she broke company policy by getting pissed at the Christmas party, hitting on a guy from another department, sitting in his lap, and ignoring his obvious disinterest, embarrassment, mortification. She should have been fired but she was an “I know a higher up” hire so was given a job where she was rarely in the office.

Yes, I really wish people would come to work to do their work, not to gossip and back stab. It would make life much more pleasant. I'm fortunate with my colleagues these days but I've previously worked with some really tricky people who I wouldn't trust to tell me the right time. its such hard work.

I think this is what I liked about working from home - it was such a relief not to have to navigate all this. I know some people thrive on it all, but I'm a bit useless at it, I'm clueless at reading people, am totally naieve, and always trust what people say. I need lessons on how to understand that what comes out of a person's mouth is often not "true" in an authentic way - its often calculated, or manipulative, or so many other things. I feel like I have so much to learn about how people 'operate'. DYKWIM

Yes, it is rubbish. Although it is my line manager who is a nightmare to cope with. Today she took all the credit for a massive piece of eork my colleague and I did in our team meeting. She has literally suggested we change some headings, we did the rest. Very technical stuff. The big boss thanked her for all her hard work and she said thanks! I wanted to stab her. Work colleagues are there to remind you that humans aren't always moral IMO.