I feel so god damn uncomfortable at school gates

[rbmilliner]

Ok I totally know this is my problem but I just feel so uncomfortable at the school gates.
DD is in reception and an only child. I've always felt incredibly shy and find social situations difficult and this has always, I feel, held me back. I try really hard but find it incredibly difficult to make small talk and interact socially so don't have a wide circle of friends and would have liked to have had so I want different for my DD.
She seems the opposite and loves to play with other kids so I've been forcing myself to try and interact with other children's parents and I'm finding it agony, it makes me want to cry.
Today for instance I went to the green where all the mum's meet after school so she could have a run around. I just stood there on the edge of the other Mums feeling stupid.
I'm so worried that my awkardness is going to rub off on her.
What can I do

There will always be another mum who feels the same. You just need to spot her! So long as your little one is running around and having fun it doesn’t really matter that much if you don’t engage with the whole group at once. Take your time.

You don't have to socialise. It's ok not to.

My mum never socialised with other mums and I had plenty of friends and got invited to parties. Take a book and a picnic blanket to the green and just enjoy watching your girl play with her pals. She will work it out.

This is me!!

i hate social situations. I used to be fine years ago, its since ive hit my late 20s i’ve become like this.

i drop off at the last min and do the same at pick up to avoid standing around.

i should make an effort but i feel like i dont fit in with them. Its a school in a fancy area and i grew up on a council estate so i dont feel i bond with people that well round here.

School gates can be so tough when you’re anxious or shy (like me!) I’ve always tried to take the view that it’s a job, you just pull up your sleeves and get on with it. It does get easier with practice. Keep a little stock of small talk things to say. Weather, compliments on hair, tops etc, school events that have happened or are coming up. Remember you’re just being friendly, you don’t have to make friends for life, so take that pressure off yourself. Also zone in on the chatty mums, I always loved it when I saw the chatterbox, saved me trying to think of what to say!

I feel a bit like this too and have been agonising about it, not that I think anyone would necessarily know as I've been trying hard to make sure I always smile and chat a bit (the bare minimum!) The thing I'm realising is that if you don't make an effort it's always going to feel this hard; but if you try, and you get to know them a bit, it'll get easier, and less stressful, and maybe even more fun

Easiest to speak to parents of your child's friends as you can talk about how your child has mentioned theirs and perhaps you can arrange a playdate.

Otherwise, if your child hasnt got a particular friend, go up to a friendly looking parent (from your child's class) and ask a question. Something like how is their child getting on with x topic in class or if they know what day the class does PE/art/assembly. That gives you the start of a conversation.

Once you have spoken to them once it will be easier to join them next time and often people will give you a smile and a hello when you arrive which gets even easier.

Why not pack some snacks to share for the next time you’re at the green after school?

Offer some to the other mums/dads, and the school pals too.

Food can be a great ice breaker, and would give you something to focus on whilst making contact with other? (Healthy snacks, obviously 😀).

It's ok to just stand there. You honestly don't have to socialise! Don't worry - your child will make friends with other children regardless of whether you make friends with the parents. There is no need to put pressure on yourself or force yourself into anything. You probably don't look nearly as awkward as you think you do!

You've got some good advice here, I just wanted to say I think you're really brave to recognise how you feel and to try to address it for the sake of your daughter. Small steps! My daughter starts school next year and I'm slightly dreading this aspect!