AIBU to try to persuade OH to change his working hours

[Maggie178]

My OH had a transplant last year. He's much better but still struggles with exhaustion and aching. He has returned to work five days a week and by the time the week is up he's nackered.
I work three long days. Work will let me increase to four days if I want.
That way we would both be working four days. He would get an extra day off. He would get to see the kids more and have some down time while they are at school. We would also be better off financially as I earn slightly more an hour.
He won't consider it. I can't see any negatives to it. AIBU to keep pushing for this change?

Why doesn't he want to do it? I think that's important.

Are you suggesting he drop his hours to mean four days of the same length, or condense his hours so he still does the same number of hours over four days?

He says his work won't let him. But he hasn't asked. Drop hours so he's working less.
I think part of it is a male pride feeling like the breadwinner. He hates being financially dependant on me while he was ill.

Does that mean he’ll have the kids more? Because it might be more tiring.

The kids are in school. He would have to do the school run. But he'd have six hours to relax

He should ask them. Lots of companies are getting into the flexible working requests. He could even ask to do 9 out of 10 days if that would help? Or maybe just shorter hours each day might help him?

Would a financial argument work? If you both do 4 days the element of pay you both lose is the bit that has the highest deductions.

Mentally it could be better for him to work full-time.

But I think if his tiredness is impacting the whole family, he does at least need to consider dropping his hours.

I wouldn't push for the change, but I would try and keep it as an open discussion without pressure. I'd talk about the positives and I'd also speak to him about his concerns. Perhaps he thinks it wouldn't be 6 hours to relax. Perhaps he thinks he'd been run ragged doing chores and that work would be more restful.

Transplant recipient here.
How often is he going to his transplant clinic? Does his doctor know he's so tired?
( I'm in Oz so no idea how your system works).
He should NOT be working to the point of exhaustion, that's ridiculous.
That achey dragging feeling does go on for a long time ( for me it was on and off for 12 months).
He's been through major, life saving surgery and I know that feeling of wanting to resume normal life but he needs to go more gently.

What you are suggesting makes a lot of sense OP. But at the end of the day it's his decision (and it's your decision how many hours you work).

He's at the clinic every four weeks at the moment. His consultant knows the symptoms he's still having and said some of them are due to permanent damage. I'd love him to change pace and go more gently and work less. He clearly does not agree

V hard for you, and YANBU for expressing concerns to him about his tiredness and symptoms, and making practical suggestions, but he is an adult and responsible for his health and choices. You can only decide your own ‘boundaries’.

“Work won’t let him” isn’t a good argument till he’s asked and been refused.

Is he on a career path which has regular promotions? Is he worried he’d not get promotion if he asks? Still wouldn’t be a good enough reason not to ask IMO but might be his true worry.

Suspect part of this is a bit of refusal to accept that he's been "diminished" in some way. I'd echo what someone said above - don't make it a point of contention, let him arrive at the conclusion himself that he needs to slow down, just keep the discussion open.

You making a point of him dropping hours is probably confirmation (to him) of what he is fearing, and he's being a bit denialist about it. It's a big thing, to acknowledge you maybe aren't what you once were. I have sympathy for you both.

Think of you may have hit the nail on the head.