To think that people need to stop suggesting marriage is just a piece of paper

[afizzysweet]

if they're in a relationship with joint outgoings and children?

I got married when I was young and married 'for love' and not for any other reason, because I was ignorant to the other reasons. As I've got older, I've realised that with marriage brings a lot of security for women.
Typically when you have children, it is a woman's career and ability to earn money that is impacted rather than a man's. Doesn't have to be, but usually is.

I know many women that have 2 or 3 children with their DP. They want to get married but DPs are saying "we need the prioritise the money for xxxx instead" or just sort of tell them that it's not a priority for other reasons and that marriage is only a piece of paper. These women have had years of working part time because of providing childcare, dropping their career progression for several years because it's not really possible for them with children. In the event of them splitting up they aren't entitled to as much.

I think they've been talked in to an idea that marriage is just a part of the patriarchy by their DPs so don't want to bother now. If that is your feeling and at your core do not want to get married, absolutely fine, but put something else in place so that should yourself and your partner split up, you've got some security and won't be left up a creek without a paddle, and you get your fair share of things - taking in to account things like staying at home to look after the kids whilst your partner has been out furthering his career for years.

AIBU to think this? I have spoken to some of my friends about this when they bring it up, especially a couple whose DPs manage all of their money and not in joint accounts (which I find really worrying). At the end of the day it's their life, but am I the only one who finds this quite bad?

Marriage provides a whole extra layer of financial/legal entitlements. In my long experience of men they can't get married quickly enough when they're really, truly happy with someone.

Know so many, many men who refused to marry their long term girlfriends because 'it's just a piece of paper'. Only to split up and get married to a new girlfriend within 2 years. Men aren't afraid of commitment at all, they're just very wary of commitment to the wrong woman.

Yes I'm my experience this is true. After my MIL died, FIL was entitled to some of her state pension. Despite being legally separated for over a decade they were still officially married.

It's maybe a loophole that affects older people/couples though and has been removed as a cost saving exercise for younger generations.

yes, it applies only older women who paid the reduced rate NI known as the 'married women's stamp' which provided a wholly inadequate pension if divorce intervened.

It ended with the introduction of independent taxation for women in the 1980s

Huh. Did not know that was a thing (if you retired pre-2016, so loophole now closed).

@Scaevola in this case it was the man who got money from the woman!

I had a feeling it was to do with the reduced NI stamp.