Who gets to call our holiday?

DFOD · 2022-04-21T08:29:21+00:00

We are very stretched this year and have an option of a relatively cheap week in a cottage in Suffolk. Our 16 year old wants us to go to Paris for a few days instead - we could make it roughly the same cost. She has had a very tough year emotionally and working like a trooper for her exams. I would like to reward her but the idea of trotting around Paris for a few days as our annual holiday fills me with dread. She wants to do something exciting (for her) -we want a calm quiet week. She will be going to a festival post GCSE results with her friends so will have a great time then.

StrangeCondition · 21/04/2022 09:31

I wanted a lot of things at age 16 but unless she's paying then she doesn't get to call the shots. Do the holiday you want, like you say she's got a festival to look forward and it won't be long until she's going on holidays with her friends

PickySlackTastic · 21/04/2022 09:32

You get to call it but in that situation I would call Paris.

I'm really aware of the limited number of holidays I have left with my teens. So much as the thought of European city breaks exhausts me, I remind myself that its only a few years til I can spend every holiday in the remotest spots in the Highlands:-)

Aprilx · 21/04/2022 09:33

Well if you don’t want to go to Paris for a few days then you shouldn’t have to. When I was 16 I would not have enjoyed a week in a cottage with my parents and would prefer to stay at home (which I did).

Vsirbdo · 21/04/2022 09:34

Could you not find something in the middle that is exciting for her but doesn’t fill you with dread? I can understand why she isn’t keen on a week in a cottage but you can have a city break that is fairly relaxing if planned to be.
I would also take into consideration that she may not join you on many more family holidays now she is getting older

Thatswhyimacat · 21/04/2022 09:36

Honestly, a quiet week in a cottage in the middle of nowhere is pretty boring and rubbish for a 16 year old, especially if it's what you do every holiday.

WildCoasts · 21/04/2022 09:38

I got no say in holiday locations, or even if I went, when I was that age. No way was I allowed home alone. "It's not safe for girls to be home alone for a week or two." I was just told to bring books. It's nice you want to consider her preferences but isn't there somewhere you'd both enjoy?

OctopusSay · 21/04/2022 09:40

Why would you dread a few days in Paris with DD who's excited to go there?

You choose, but hers seems the better plan to me. I think it's lovely she actually has something she wants to do as a family.

Alwayspaintyournails · 21/04/2022 09:41

Like others have said when our teens got older I was very aware of how limited our time with them was.

Paris can be as busy as you want to make it and would be my choice… it’s lovely to experience these things together.

StrangeCondition · 21/04/2022 09:43

OctopusSay · 21/04/2022 09:40

Why would you dread a few days in Paris with DD who's excited to go there?

You choose, but hers seems the better plan to me. I think it's lovely she actually has something she wants to do as a family.

I'd also dread a few days in Paris, it's a shit hole and one of the few places I've been on a city break where I've felt unsafe walking the streets

toomuchlaundry · 21/04/2022 09:43

This might be your last holiday with her for a few years. What sort of things would she like to do in Paris?

Swishswish26 · 21/04/2022 09:44

I have a teenager and I know he’d far prefer Paris to a quiet week in a cottage. If you don’t want to go to Paris then I think you should think of somewhere else you would both enjoy.

ZenNudist · 21/04/2022 09:44

You get to call. She can go to Paris on her own dime. If its not relaxing for you then do what will relax you. Paris in August would be horrible. Tell her when you get back on your feet financially you will go in autumn or spring.

DorotheaHomeAlone · 21/04/2022 09:46

If she is still excited to go to Paris with you I would grab that with both hands. She’ll be off and away in a couple of years and you’ll have all the time in the world for quiet weeks in the countryside.

TeaKlaxon · 21/04/2022 09:47

Given how many 16 year olds would just sullenly decide they don't want to do anything with you, I would grasp the opportunity to enjoy a city break with her with both hands.

What would you dread about a few days in Paris?

You can tailor it to your own preferences - and if DD wins on the destination, that gives you a much stronger basis to shape what you want to do when you get there.

I always find it odd when someone says that a trip that has so many different permutations fills them with dread - it couldn't possibly (IMO) be that there is nothing in Paris that you would enjoy doing.

RedHelenB · 21/04/2022 09:48

StrangeCondition · 21/04/2022 09:43

I'd also dread a few days in Paris, it's a shit hole and one of the few places I've been on a city break where I've felt unsafe walking the streets

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Paris is great. And felt safer than London when I was there recently. Yabu, a week in Suffolk is boring compared to Paris for a teenager.

trussedchicken · 21/04/2022 10:34

Covid has stolen two holiday years from us. I'm very aware that I now have a 14 year old who won't want to be part of our holidays for much longer which saddens me. So whilst I would usually say that you get to choose, not her, I'd be inclined to give her some say this time. Not sure where in the UK you are, but have you considered a week in a cottage in northern ish France instead? Driving, not flying to keep cost down. Lots of pretty areas within a couple of hours of Paris and decent train system. Holiday cottages in France are usually very good value for money compared to UK cottages. You could combine some nice relaxing days in a pretty cottage with a couple of trips into Paris. Might keep everyone happy?

PegasusReturns · 21/04/2022 10:39

I’d definitely go to Paris.

If it’s a money rather than a time issue could you do París and then have some down time at home so that you can have relaxation you want.

As a parent of young adults/teens I feel really robbed of the last couple of years of family holidays, you’ve got maybe two more years at most I’d do something she’d really enjoy.

NotSorry · 21/04/2022 10:40

RedHelenB · 21/04/2022 09:48

Paris is great. And felt safer than London when I was there recently. Yabu, a week in Suffolk is boring compared to Paris for a teenager.

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agree, love Paris, so much to do and see - I'd go with Paris - only you know your daughter and you've already said she's had a tough time but worked her socks off anyway - I'd reward the effort

Original poster

DFOD · 21/04/2022 12:41

We have been to Paris many times as a family and I am happy to go as a weekend city break at another time - it just doesn’t sit with me as that’s my one week summer holiday for the year - it’s not the city I dread - I just feel tired and need a restful week away rather than 3 days with loads of travelling there and back and trudging around site seeing. I am also getting the “EVERYONE is going to the Caribbean or Dubai” We always do lots of outdoors stuff which she loves (kayaking, cycling, exploring etc) and she has never been bored on holiday with us before. I think she wants to do something glam and insta worthy. I don’t want to let her down and she does deserve a recognition for the past year.

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Asperia · 21/04/2022 13:23

DFOD · 21/04/2022 12:41

We have been to Paris many times as a family and I am happy to go as a weekend city break at another time - it just doesn’t sit with me as that’s my one week summer holiday for the year - it’s not the city I dread - I just feel tired and need a restful week away rather than 3 days with loads of travelling there and back and trudging around site seeing. I am also getting the “EVERYONE is going to the Caribbean or Dubai” We always do lots of outdoors stuff which she loves (kayaking, cycling, exploring etc) and she has never been bored on holiday with us before. I think she wants to do something glam and insta worthy. I don’t want to let her down and she does deserve a recognition for the past year.

Given her age and how well she has worked in such a difficult year, I'd be minded to let her have this one. Yes it is your call but it is a joy to take your kids on hols they are really excited about. Maybe she could take on some of the admin/ prep so that you gave a more restful time? Have a great holiday, wherever you go.

YellowAndGreenToBeSeen · 21/04/2022 13:41

Compromise on Barcelona? Beach and city - chill out and sightsee?

Holidays in cottages in remote parts of the UK are why I stopped going on holiday with my parents aged 15 (and have never been since).

Gymnopedie · 21/04/2022 14:24

Go back a step. What's she like generally? is she someone who always wants things her own way - and often gets it - or is she usually chilled and undemanding?

If it's the former then she's growing up to be entitled and you have to start having some boundaries. If it's the latter and this is something very special to her then let her have it. While this might be your only holiday away, will you have more holiday at home where you can plan to chill?

Original poster

DFOD · 21/04/2022 14:34

Gymnopedie · 21/04/2022 14:24

Go back a step. What's she like generally? is she someone who always wants things her own way - and often gets it - or is she usually chilled and undemanding?

If it's the former then she's growing up to be entitled and you have to start having some boundaries. If it's the latter and this is something very special to her then let her have it. While this might be your only holiday away, will you have more holiday at home where you can plan to chill?

Yes she is generally very chilled and undemanding, works hard, fun, busy, independent, easy going and very kind to her friends and family. She does deserve a bit of glam and excitement this year - Barcelona is a good call, she was also talking about Italy …. its just the money we are in a tight spot right now.

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