Please tell me this shit gets easier?

[Sofiegiraffe]

Sorry I sort of need to rant but also need some hope that this gets easier... (please!)

DD has just turned 1, back to work recently (FT but going to drop hours slightly in a few weeks, thankfully). Every day just feels like a fucking marathon. Mornings are an uphill struggle to get myself and DD ready and out of the door. I have no motivation whatsoever to go to the office. I don't want to sit and make small talk with colleagues, I want to cuddle my baby and play with her and just be a mummy. I feel on the verge of tears every time driving to work and dropping her off at childminder's. It feels like I'm failing her somehow by not being with her when she's so small. That's no judgement on any other mums who have had to work when DC were small - it's just how I personally feel for my own reasons.

I'm on the verge of throwing the towel in on my career. I just can't bear it any longer. And I used to love my job - it's take a lot of hard work and sacrifice to build it to this level. I'm finding it hard to believe that I really could just walk away after the blood sweat and tears I've put into my career for the last decade and a half. But I really, really could.

Anyway. Please me tell this shit gets easier?

focus on fact you’re dropping hours shortly

if still shit when you drop hours, then start to think about alternatives

i am part time. Will never ever go back to full time. Feel I have my life back and everyone happier for it

It really does get easier
you will be dropping your hours soon that will help!

when my dd was born I returned to work 3 days a week and she was 11mo that was nice and dh helped every morning with getting ready and did most of nursery drop off and I did pick up
do you have a partner who can take on some mornings?

I went back to ft when dd was 2 so only a year but by then I was ready for it and we developed a good routine between me and dh

it is hard when you first go back so be kind to yourself

This shit gets easier, OP.

If you used to love your career, you will again. Have you got enough support at home with the other stuff?

I took a career break when I had my DC. I was fortunate, that I had some savings to get me through. I still had to make some lifestyle changes but it was worth it.
I didn’t return on the same salary I left (in fact I’ve taken a completely different path). It’s less money, less senior and less hours. But I get to do the school run each day and work once the kids are in bed (I still have one preschooler). It’s a better balance for me.

I HATED working full-time. Tried SAHM for a bit didn't like that either. Tried lots of different day layouts and settled on 3 days working. Good all round. We were skint but was worth cutting back on everything for the time.

The guilty feeling will lessen as you get used to things. It also gets easier to get them ready once they are a bit more independent and you can put on a bit of Cbeebies or something to keep them entertained while you get ready.

In some ways it gets harder though I'm afraid! I look back on the nursery days as easier than school as you just have to get them to one place and leave them until you pick them up and go home. No organising wraparound care, remembering PE kits, dress-up days, homework, rushing out of work to get them changed and off to swimming/brownies etc.

I agree with PP to take whatever reduced hours you can manage. I worked 3 days for a while and that was much easier.

Thanks everyone.

I do have support at home. Partner also works long hours but he is supportive as much as he can be when he's home.

Hopefully the drop in hours will help me.

It does get easier. and you have your drop in hours to look forward to. But you have to handle the time until then. Assuming you are getting as much ready the night before as possible - look at why the mornings are a rush. Can you start 30 minutes earlier (i know - sleep is important but that constant feeling of always being in a rush is awful)

i loathed being home with small kids, so to find myself crying in the loo sometimes after thinking "i could be finger painting/playing in the sand pit/going for a walk/cuddling the offspring" was surprising. Change is hard, but you will find a way.

It absolutely does get easier, OP, and I think it's really important to keep that in mind before making big decisions about your career. Working FT with a 1 year old is exhausting, of course you're not enjoying your job at the moment! But that's mostly likely the exhaustion and pressure of juggling everything, not the job itself making you feel that way.

I could have written your post when mine were babies, so many times I nearly walked away from a career that means a great deal to me because I was just so sick of feeling pulled in different directions that I fell out of love with my work. Now I look back and feel so grateful I didn't walk away, instead I went down to three days a week and it was the best decision I ever made. My youngest is 3.5 yo now and things are so much easier.

Reducing your hours will probably make a big difference to your stress levels. Give yourself time to adjust to being part time and then re-evaluate.

It really does get easier; when I first went back to work I thought about having another baby straight away just so I could have more time at home with DD (logic was lacking there a bit). But after a few months I got into my stride and I’m glad I continued with my career as I’d worked really hard to get where I am and I’m proud to be managing both