What's so great about having two kids?

[anatomyoftiredness]

There's been lots of threads about having a third child recently.

I would love to have a third but for a number of reasons, and with a very very heavy heart, will be sticking with my two.

Tell me all the reasons why two is the magic number and that I definitely won't be full of regret on my death bed.

With 3 someone is always left out
2 parents and 2 children means lots of 1-1 time
Fits comfortably in a car
Fits comfortably in a house
Better for holidays/hotel rooms
Financially easier so children get better opportunities
Every single person I know who's had 3 regrets it (doesn't regret the child but feels 3 is much more difficult)

Two is the perfect number. The children get to have a sibling and get 50% of your attention and other resources.

I really hope my two have that sort of relationship one day! At 10 and nearly 8 they rarely stop bickering long enough to realise how much they have in common.

To answer the OP, I'd have gone for a third if DH had been up for it, but he wasn't, and it's probably just as well, the two we have are very full on, and something would have had to give.

I also expect DD, my eldest, would have ended up the odd one out as she's autistic and struggles socially, whereas her brother makes friends instantly, with everyone.

For me 2 is perfect, for all the reasons PPS have listed.
Also grandparents seem to be not overwhelmed with 2 visiting or staying over.
Divide and conquer was great. Equally, if one of us wanted to have a night out or away the other half was fine with only 2.

The planet

My third gave me horrific varicose veins- first two had no noticeable effect on my body.

My Gran had a 3rd. They were twins.

What I’m realising is that as they get older, although more independent, everything takes so much time. Mine are 9 and 6 and soo many play dates, parties, clubs, homework, reading etc etc that I just don’t think I’d keep track of everything if there was a third in the mix too! Every day feels quite manic at the moment!

Made the decision to stick with two. Since, I have been relieved as the costs just seem to go up and up. Beyond the preschool childcare costs, once they get to a certain age then it's swimming lessons, music lessons, any other clubs they want to do... Then once that's over its affording to help them with university costs if they choose to go. Now a days parents are expected to contribute. Then beyond that, helping with house deposit, wedding costs etc. And that's not even factoring in holidays which is the primary reason we decided to stop at two at the time!.... So glad we stopped at two! Also so glad there is nearly a 5 year gap meaning university won't be at the same time for both! Two is expensive enough!

In this day and age I can’t fathom why on earth you would want to bring another baby into the world, especially when you already have two. It’s not just about you and your want for a baby. think about the child you will have who will then become an adult who has to live in this world and try to make the best of it. Then look at the state of the world and where things are going. Then really think about if it’s a good idea or if you should just concentrate on providing a hopefully nice life for the two you have had. I know what I would do.

You can give them more time and attention than if you had 3.

If money was no object and I didn't have to work, maybe I'd have 3 even 4 children. (Although I still think I'd probably stick at two as would also consider environmental impact of a larger family).
But in my circumstances of being an low middle income household and working 30 hours a week, DH fulltime, 2 children feels the max we can manage without being completely overstretched both financially and emotionally.

Everything would change significantly with one more child. We would need a bigger car, a bigger house, our time would be even more stretched between juggling work, school and activities. Holidays and staying away with family would become a lot more expensive and difficult especially as children got older. The grandparents can just about manage to look after two on the odd occasion for us. Not sure they would do it if there was one more! The list could go on and on!

Every time we holiday with the whole family, issues always arise from the family member with three kids (the couple earn a very good wage but it's more spread out between them all, especially as all kids are now older so costs increased and it's usually an extra £1-2k for travel and accommodation). For this family, it's more expensive to do anything worth doing and the parents have to scale down the kids expectations (especially regarding shopping for stuff on holiday, tickets etc). What ends up happening is other family members will chip in or else it's near impossible for that family to join us on most holidays, plus there's guilt from adults around buying for/doing stuff with our kids and not anything for these 3 (which is not good for any child to experience, plus we are all family, so it's more like a gift from aunt to nephew etc).

Children are expensive. I'm stopping at two because right now, we can give enough to both and a third would completely disrupt that. I'd then feel guilty.

3 makes it even harder to connect and have quality time with your partner.
Less time for socialising with your friends, less time for progressing in your career, less time for a hobby or sport. Less time to read books, less time to look after your mental health.

There's no extra benefit from having more than two children (two has the extra benefit over one of the children having a sibling).

There's just more financial expense, more emotional expenditure, less time and energy for each child, less time amd energy for yourself, prolonging the sleep deprivation and the extreme dependence stage.. For no extra benefit...

Needless to say, I can't comprehend how anyone rationally decides to have more than two children, seems to me like it's a more physical broodiness.

Time for each child, money (child care costs especially) space (house, cars, hotels) and for me sanity - I know people do brilliantly with large families and lots of children, but for me, two saw me at parenting capacity.

When kids are young they're physically draining. But once they're teens, it's mentally exhausting. I've got 2 and I just don't think my mental health could have coped with another one! The worries, the exams, their mental health, their friendship problems.... the list goes on. Stick to two!!

I have two because I knew that I could cope with them whatever the circumstances. I really wanted more but I worried about dh or I having to raise that many alone in the event of something bad happening so we stuck with our two and they are lovely.

We nearly went for 3 but changed our minds. I’m so glad we did. As the children have got older they are getting way more expensive! Growing out of clothes so quickly I can’t believe what fit with room at Xmas is now too small. Of course they also like brands like Nike etc which aren’t cheap either. They eat sooo much too. Want lifts out and about etc etc.

Thanks all for your replies.

The practical reasons for sticking with two never really carry much weight for me, as I feel like for us they would be mostly surmountable.

But @Fairislefandango that's lovely to hear that your son and daughter are so close.

It's the dynamic of two that sometimes worries me.

I have a son and daughter and worry that they won't be close.

With all my friends and cousins etc. there are no brother-sister sibling sets that are close.

I know much of this depends on the personalities of the children and the environment we create for them, but I think because I don't have any real life examples of that close relationship in adulthood, I feel like it doesn't exist - though I'm sure it must!

I would love to have a third so much, and if money were no object I definitely would.

But I grew up quite poor. Not in poverty - I was always fed and clothed and warm. But money was always an issue and a constant worry in our family - it overshadowed everything and we often had to do without.

With two children we’re fairly comfortable. With three I’m sure we could probably manage, but I don’t think it would be comfortable. And my parents spent my childhood ‘managing’ and it really wasn’t fun, for them or me.

I have 3. Maybe I wouldn’t be divorced with just 2? Who knows?
I constantly feel like I’ve failed them all. Like I could have given 2 a better quality of life. Housing has been an issue. Not enough space!
Of course, I love all 3 and they are all fabulous, I wouldn’t change my situation. But there are definite benefits to only having 2.

I won't lie, I Iove having three but it is definitely easier with two although I can't tell you really why one child tips it over the edge! Practical reasons never bothered me but a friend once said if you're going to have three you may as well have 4 simply because most family things come in 4s or 6s! Definitely true. I don't have the middle sibling thing as I have twins.
Sometimes it bothers me that we can't do the same stuff as friends because x3 it becomes financially unviable but I wouldn't change my decision.

I know much of this depends on the personalities of the children and the environment we create for them, but I think because I don't have any real life examples of that close relationship in adulthood, I feel like it doesn't exist - though I'm sure it must!

My experience is the exact opposite - all the close adult sibling relationships I know, are brother / sister.

I planned my DC’s age gap to be the same as the gap between me and my DB, because of a). how close we were growing up, and b). how good friends we are now as adults. And my DS and DD are the best of friends.

My oldest friend is really close to her brother. My cousins (male and female) are close, and my second oldest friend is closer to her brother than either of her sisters. By close, I mean, actual good friends who spend a lot of time together - are very much in one another’s lives.

And I know it’s not real life - but even TV shows depict close brother-sister relationships, where they’re actual friends as well as siblings (Friends, Modern Family, etc).

You have an heir and a spare?

As someone who found herself unexpectedly a single parent I think 3 kids would have been too much for me to manage- money, house size, my time and energy. Being outnumbered 3 to 1. Plus my children are good friends with each other and I think I third could have upset that dynamic.