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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Who should pay?

83 replies

ExcitedRabbit · 20/04/2022 12:54

Week before last I gave a friend who doesn’t drive a lift to his office. Office is in the same town as mine but I don’t ever drive into town as my office is on an industrial estate on the outskirts. This means I didn’t know where this office was and my friend was giving me directions. His directions sent me up a bus lane and I have just received a fixed penalty notice.

To be clear I’m probably just going to pay the fine myself and keep quiet about it because 1) I can afford the fine 2) I make more money than said friend and 3) ultimately I was the one driving so I am responsible for where my car goes.

I think friend would probably insist on paying if I mentioned it so not really an AIBU but interested in consensus of opinion re: who should pay?

Mostly just annoyed I was doing someone a favour and now it is costing me 💷🙄

OP posts:
Ginandslippers · 21/04/2022 08:59

It's on you unfortunately in my opinion. I have a family member who doesn't drive and when I give him lifts he often directs me (tries to, anyway!) to drive into access only areas, bus & taxi lanes or tells me to park somewhere illegally because he has never driven himself and has no concept of what road signs mean.

lanthanum · 21/04/2022 09:33

I think you should mention it in case he is giving someone else directions in future; he was obviously unaware (if he's usually been in a taxi, they can often use bus lanes), and when somebody who knows where they are going gives you directions, you do tend to believe them. (I'm not sure if it was a road that was bus-only, or just a separate lane - but even in the latter case he might like to know to point out the bus lane.
Whether you mention the fine is up to you.

(I am reminded of when someone first gave me a lift to a house we hadn't lived in for long. I knew about five different routes there by bike, but suddenly realised I hadn't a clue how to get there by car. Fortunately the driver did, but I felt very stupid!)

squiller · 21/04/2022 09:35

As a non driver he probably didn’t realise it was a bus lane or didn’t know the rules regarding bus lanes. You’re the driver so it’s ultimately on you to realise this, not him.

IthinkIsawahairbrushbackthere · 21/04/2022 09:38

A few years ago a friend was driving me to a very important appointment and she received a speeding fine. I insisted on paying because she wouldn't have been there if not for me.

ZenNudist · 21/04/2022 09:42

Your responsibility not to drive in bus lane. I got one once dropping a friend at the station. I wouldn't have been there but for doing her a favour. Didn't occur to me she should pay as it was my fault.

Indicatrice · 21/04/2022 11:42

IthinkIsawahairbrushbackthere · 21/04/2022 09:38

A few years ago a friend was driving me to a very important appointment and she received a speeding fine. I insisted on paying because she wouldn't have been there if not for me.

This is what I would do too. Can’t understand people who wouldn’t pay.

fairylightsandwaxmelts · 21/04/2022 12:10

This is what I would do too. Can’t understand people who wouldn’t pay.

Because it's not the passengers fault OP drove somewhere illegal. As the driver, you're responsible for paying attention to the road (and any signage) and driving accordingly.

What if she'd caused an accident and smashed into an oncoming car because she'd just listened to the passenger and driven down a one-way street?

I don't think the police would be very impressed if her excuse was "but my passenger told me to turn there".

Itshonestlynotthathard · 21/04/2022 12:30

@Indicatrice

No one is saying they would not pay
what they are saying is that it would be unreasonable for the op to ask because is was the driver.

and as for the friend speeding to get the poster to an interview… again, the friend is totally in the wrong

Itshonestlynotthathard · 21/04/2022 12:32

The reason as to why someone was speeding or driving in the bus lane would be of little interest to the parent of a child knocked over by the speeding car or a departing passenger knocked over by a car driving down the bus lane

Indicatrice · 21/04/2022 12:47

Itshonestlynotthathard · 21/04/2022 12:30

@Indicatrice

No one is saying they would not pay
what they are saying is that it would be unreasonable for the op to ask because is was the driver.

and as for the friend speeding to get the poster to an interview… again, the friend is totally in the wrong

But neither OP nor anyone else has said OP should ASK him to pay.

Itshonestlynotthathard · 21/04/2022 12:55

So I don’t see your original point

This is what I would do too. Can’t understand people who wouldn’t pay.

mycatisannoying · 21/04/2022 12:56

50/50 would be my vote.

Skyeheather · 21/04/2022 12:58

You should have said “I can’t go that way it’s a bus lane”, you are the driver, he doesn’t know the rules of the road, you should have spoken up at the time.

Itshonestlynotthathard · 21/04/2022 13:01

“Bus lane” may not mean much to a non driver ie perhaps means buses get priority but cars still allowed or giving a warning to other drivers that they have to frequently stop behind buses at stops etc

whereas drivers will know what it means. Don’t go down it or you will get a fine

jealousgirl · 21/04/2022 13:13

I'd say he's responsible as I would assume someone giving directions knew what they were doing and I wouldn't be looking for signs. This happened to me turning right at an intersection and i didn't see it till I was on it. (It's been in the paper about this junction as lots of people getting caught out) some are badly signposted.

Ohmygoshyoudontsay · 21/04/2022 13:26

You should pay, morally, legally and because to get someone you were giving a lift to your fine to pay would be rude.

It is very annoying that you have kindly given someone a lift and ended up with a fine.

fairylightsandwaxmelts · 21/04/2022 13:29

jealousgirl · 21/04/2022 13:13

I'd say he's responsible as I would assume someone giving directions knew what they were doing and I wouldn't be looking for signs. This happened to me turning right at an intersection and i didn't see it till I was on it. (It's been in the paper about this junction as lots of people getting caught out) some are badly signposted.

This kind of attitude really scares me, tbh.

As the driver the responsibility lies with you, not your passenger. Why would you trust a non-driver to know the rules of the road? If you drove, say, up a one-way street because your passenger told you, I don't think the police would be very impressed if you tried to pass the buck and blame someone else.

As the driver, it's up to you to make sure you're following the rules of the road.

Justgorgeous · 21/04/2022 13:33

You should know that you are not allowed. In bus lanes.

ENoeuf · 21/04/2022 13:37

@Hollyhocksarenotmessy six people then!

luxxlisbon · 21/04/2022 13:40

The only one responsible is the driver.
Most non drivers wouldn’t even know all the road signs.

Binglebong · 21/04/2022 14:47

A lot of bus lanes are terribly sign posted. some of them only have the writing on the floor so if a bus is on there you can't see it. And not nearly enough appropriately positioned sign posts. I'm looking at you Sheffield!

icelollycraving · 21/04/2022 14:52

Recently had this with my sister and my mum. Sister driving, they were on a day out. She asked my mum to pay which I thought was outrageous.

SpiderVersed · 21/04/2022 14:58

You’re in charge of your vehicle, it would be unfair of you to ask him to pay.

It’s a bummer, but I’d take it on the chin if it were me.

SucculentChalice · 21/04/2022 15:07

Its your responsibility to pay, of course, but if he had good manners he would offer to pay it for you.

If he was sitting in the car with you, I would have thought he would have some idea you had incurred a fine when it happened?

hangrylady · 21/04/2022 15:16

SerendipitySunshine · 20/04/2022 12:55

If he doesn't drive he wouldn't know it's a bus lane.

I think the clue is the massive yellow letters on the road that say BUS LANE 🙄

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