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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think that the first year of marriage is the hardest?

30 replies

ttcbabyk · 19/04/2022 23:43

AIBU to think that the first year of marriage/moving in together is the hardest? I'm from a south Asian background so I had not previously lived with my husband before marriage. The actual marriage has been fine, (between my partner and I) but the adjustments, living with my in laws and missing my own family (4.5 hours away) has been really difficult for me. Anyone else?

OP posts:
DoItAfraid · 20/04/2022 10:18

I am from a similar cultural background in that we didn’t live together before marriage.

I found the first year very hard. In fact I remember having a meltdown at about 10 months in.

17 years and still going 😀. Hang in there. Focus on making time/space for yourselves as a couple and on moving out. Do whatever it takes to move out.

ancientgran · 20/04/2022 10:22

Wait till you get to year 37. I look back fondly on the first year.

Chely · 20/04/2022 10:35

Going by title YABU.

Your problem is living with his family, that's not what most do. I'm not a fan of a full day with the in-laws, no way could I live with them.

mydogisthebest · 20/04/2022 18:01

I agree that your problem is living with your inlaws.

Me and DH didn't live together before we got married and had only known each other 5 months when we did.

The first year was lovely. Mind you the following 41 years have been pretty good too

Marmite27 · 20/04/2022 18:13

PhileasPhilby · 20/04/2022 08:24

It wasn’t for DH & me but that’s because we were already living together, and in our own house, so nothing really changed for us just in the getting married.

Our hardest time was the relentless bit with 2 really young DC. That was because our lives had suddenly changed massively, just like yours has now. Change always takes time and feels hard. Can you try to set up regular time with your husband where it’s just the 2 of you so at least you have that to keep you going?

It was the same for us. The year I went back to work after DC2 nearly broke is.

Not helped by DH being moved offices and not getting home until bedtime 3 or 4 nights a week when it was billed as a ‘once or twice a month’ thing.

I’ve recently started doing something one night a week that he has to give the kids dinner on his own. I’m just waiting for him to complain Grin

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