Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

Original poster

To take son out of nursery

24 replies

How0dd · 19/04/2022 18:38

Hi all,

My 15 month old son goes to nursery Tuesday afternoons 1-6pm mostly for the social aspect of it. He's been going for a month now and every time I pick him up he's been really unsettled and I thought it was just taking him some time to settle in.

I picked him up today and they told me he hasn't eaten anything but he is testing boundaries with his food at the moment and it takes a little patience to get him to eat but I appreciate the nursery nurses don't have the time as they are caring for other children but she told me he had a nap after lunch and woke up at 4pm and was hungry but they didn't offer him anything as he didn't eat his tea so he's been hungry for the 2 hours before I could pick up and he was really screaming almost like a pain cry so when I got him home I gave him something to eat and he scoffed it down so he must have been starving.

I know this is probably PFB syndrome but I'm not happy with it. Would I be unreasonable to tell the nursery it's not working out for us and that he won't be returning?

(Not blaming the nursery as I know they have other toddlers and babies to care for)

OP posts:

AnneLovesGilbert · 19/04/2022 18:40

YANBU at all.

If you want to keep him in could you try a different session, a morning? Then he can have lunch at home and nap whenever is normal for him.

If he’s unhappy and it’s not for childcare then stop.

GirlsTalk250 · 19/04/2022 18:42

I don’t think it will harm him as a one off, assuming he’d had lunch already.
But trust your instincts if you are not happy with the setting.

Perfect28 · 19/04/2022 18:42

It's hard because it's so irregular. If he was there more frequently he would probably settle fine. If you don't need the childcare why not take him to toddler groups or soft play for social interaction?

VyeBrator · 19/04/2022 18:44

YANBU if it's not working.

I have 3 DC and none of them ever went to nursery until they were old enough to attend the one attached to the primary school (3 to 4yrs old).

By then they were completely verbal and could tell me if there was anything wrong.

Whatsmyname100 · 19/04/2022 18:44

So he didn't eat lunch, had a nap and woke up hungry and they didn't give him anything? I would be really angry at that.

Original poster

How0dd · 19/04/2022 18:45

@Perfect28

Because I work full time, he does go to a play group on Mondays with his grandma but I sort of wanted him to be away from family and socialise that way to build his confidence and then in a year or so increase the hours ready for school sort of thing (If that makes sense).

OP posts:

MolliciousIntent · 19/04/2022 18:45

I would imagine the issue is that he simply isn't there enough to settle. Nurseries round us won't take them for less that two full days a week, otherwise the kids don't spend enough time there to get used to it. 5 hours a week is unlikely to be sufficient for him to feel comfortable, especially once you factor in nap time. So I'd either withdraw him completely, or up the hours. Then once he's actually spending a reasonable amount of time there, assess whether or not he's managing and act accordingly.

Freddiefox · 19/04/2022 18:46

I think they were very wrong not to offer him something to eat. I’d be quite cross

crackingreward · 19/04/2022 18:46

They didn't feed a hungry child in their care

Take him out. That's a disgrace.

Littlehouseinthebigcity · 19/04/2022 18:47

My daughter often falls asleep at lunch. Nursery just keep her lunch and offer it to her when she wakes up!

Tumbleweed101 · 19/04/2022 18:48

They need to go more than once a week at that age to settle fully. Does he have lunch before he gets there? We offer a snack about 2pm and tea at 4.30pm at my nursery but we wouldn't offer anything else if tea was refused as it gets busy with children going home. We would offer food a parent gave us to try at tea time if the food was refused.

DappledThings · 19/04/2022 18:48

she told me he had a nap after lunch and woke up at 4pm and was hungry but they didn't offer him anything as he didn't eat his tea
This is a bit ambiguous. Do they serve tea before 4 so he missed it whilst napping and wasn't offered anything? Or he was offered tea at 4 but refused it and was then offered no alternative?

The former is not OK, the latter I think is.

TeethingBabyHelp · 19/04/2022 18:48

I think it's the lack of time in the setting that isn't helping. The nursery my DS goes to will only do a min of 2 days, they said it was implemented as the kids who came for one day a week really struggled to settle and it wasn't fair on them or the staff.

Re the food, it is off but I'd just ask if it happens again can he be offered a snack at least so he doesn't get too hungry. See what their response is from there

ThirdElephant · 19/04/2022 18:48

It's a fallacy that children can't learn social skills with their parents or carers in close proximity. The toddler group will be fine- he doesn't need day nursery. I'd pull him out if it were me.

Moodycow78 · 19/04/2022 18:51

No this isn't PFB, if a child is hungry and crying for food, you feed them!

Original poster

How0dd · 19/04/2022 18:53

@DappledThings

she told me he had a nap after lunch and woke up at 4pm and was hungry but they didn't offer him anything as he didn't eat his tea This is a bit ambiguous. Do they serve tea before 4 so he missed it whilst napping and wasn't offered anything? Or he was offered tea at 4 but refused it and was then offered no alternative?

The former is not OK, the latter I think is.

Sorry no tea is served at 3 - he refused it but he always does (which I did tell them as he's testing boundaries as they do) he fell asleep at 3.30 and woke up at four hungry so essentially he hasn't eaten since 12pm until 6.15 when I could feed him which is what I'm a bit upset about.

OP posts:

Mummumtum · 19/04/2022 18:53

When are meals offered at nursery? At ours lunch is 11:30ish, snack around 2pm and dinner at 4pm. So your DC would’ve been offered dinner on waking, if they rejected that I wouldn’t expect anything else to be offered.

Seems a bit pointless to send him for one afternoon a week when he still naps in afternoon? Ours has a minimum of 2 days and the more they are there the quicker they settle

Hankunamatata · 19/04/2022 18:54

Did you ask why they didnt give dc a snack if they knew he woke up hungry? But as others said, one afternoon at this age isnt enough to let them settle.

Eastie77Returns · 19/04/2022 18:54

I don’t think children really learn to ‘socialise’ at your son’s age. I know it’s a popular reason to send children to nursery but they mainly parallel play at that stage. Some of the more outgoing and confident (older) children I know didn’t attend nursery at all. I think those traits are personality led rather than as a result of a particular childcare setting.

Anyway. It doesn’t sound as if you’re comfortable with the set-up so in your shoes I’d remove him. If you work FT who will look after him?

Original poster

How0dd · 19/04/2022 18:56

Thank you everyone for the replies, I thought I was helping him by giving him an afternoon at nursery but that's not the case so I'm going to remove him. I'm very lucky that I have childcare in place so I'll just leave it as it is at the moment and see if there's anymore playgroups around that he can go to.

OP posts:

NannyR · 19/04/2022 18:58

He doesn't really need to be going to nursery, purely to socialise him at that age and only doing one session a week makes settling in very difficult. I'd take him out and let him play with you/grandma at home and out and about. Put him in nursery when he's eligible for the 15 free hours, the year/year and a half before school starts.

MargaretThursday · 19/04/2022 19:05

If it's just for the social aspect and you don't need the break (absolutely fine to say you do need the break) then take him out. He'll get very little out of it social wise at this age.

If you do value the break then keep at it!

PinkSyCo · 19/04/2022 19:40

Tea is at 3? Wow that’s early! I would take him out of nursery, he’s still a baby and doesn’t need to be socialising with other children yet.

Sceptre86 · 20/04/2022 08:41

If it was just for the social aspect I wouldn't send him. I'd ask and see if your mum can take him to another playgroup or if you can fund a regular class week or softplay so he can meet and play with other kids. Yes they have other kids to look after at nursery and can't stick to your specific child's routine but they could have still offered your lo some fruit at the very least.

Flip

Swipe left for the next trending thread