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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Do I owe him anything?

17 replies

Verybritishproblems101 · 19/04/2022 12:05

Hi,
So I work afternoons and evenings and have been looking for a little morning job for a while and a few weeks ago, my colleague said he’d got a morning job too and was asked if there was anyone who he worked well with that would like to work with him. He asked me if I would like it and I was really grateful, said yes and have been there for a week now. It’s been going well and it’s just us two working there.
Today, he said we could do extra hours and he will be staying later from now on. I said in a passing comment, “oh it’d be good if my sister could get a job here and help us out” (it’s a huge building and we could really do with more help. She needs some more work anyway and would be happy to help us). He then went on a big rant about how they wouldn’t employ anyone else and that they don’t have the money for it (he doesn’t even know their budget. He’s just an employee). I said yeah that’s fine and shrugged it off. I started working on something and he came back five minutes later and said “ I did you a big favour by getting you this job, didn’t I?” Then went on again about how they won’t want anymore people working there. He knows how grateful I am to him for getting me this job and I even got him a nice box of chocolates and said thank you so many times.
He was basically saying that I should be grateful to him that I have a job there and that I shouldn’t have suggested that my sister take some of my spare hours and it’s made me feel weird like he still thinks I owe him something. Do you think this was a big over reaction to a small comment or is this just me? It’s not like I was actively seeking to get her employed there.

OP posts:
GabriellaMontez · 19/04/2022 12:27

He should be grateful that you're a hard working keen employee. It's really hard to find good people. Youve made him look good. You don't owe him anything more than a "thanks".

He sounds like a bell end.

Cocomarine · 19/04/2022 12:30

But you were actively seeking to get her employed there? You said, when he mentioned extra hours, it would good if your sister could work there.

His reaction is odd though.

Hankunamatata · 19/04/2022 12:33

Perhaps he is worried that your trying to bring sister in and get rid of him

Verybritishproblems101 · 19/04/2022 12:40

@GabriellaMontez Thank you, he’s normally very nice but he did seem really off with me today x

@Cocomarine I mean that it’s not like I would’ve gone to the owner and said my sister should work here too, I just said to my colleague it would be handy if she did.

@Hankunamatata Perhaps. But I don’t know why he’d think that because the place is seriously huge and would just be a help to me and him if we had extra staff. Smile

OP posts:
decentchap · 19/04/2022 12:45

Its plain he likes you and wants some time 'alone' - be careful.
If you need help, you need help, its not like you suggested something outrageous.
I would advise you are wary of working too late alone with him as that is his obvious intent is there anyone else there when you two are ? I am naturally suspicious and trust few - to me his motive is quite obvious.

AccommodatingAlice · 19/04/2022 12:45

It may just be that he’s desperate for any extra hours/money and if they take anyone else on he won’t get any. Maybe he’s in a bad place financially and the fear of losing hours, or not getting the extra, made him overreact?

NewName9273 · 19/04/2022 13:09

-He could just be having an off day, providing he is usually a decent person

  • you may be doing the job better than him and he is regretting recommending you?
  • He could have a history with your sister that you are unaware of?
  • he could be struggling financially and need he extra hours?

Could be anything really! - If he is usually a decent person, i would just ignore the outburst and move on.

NewName9273 · 19/04/2022 13:10

@decentchap

Its plain he likes you and wants some time 'alone' - be careful. If you need help, you need help, its not like you suggested something outrageous. I would advise you are wary of working too late alone with him as that is his obvious intent is there anyone else there when you two are ? I am naturally suspicious and trust few - to me his motive is quite obvious.
My brain didn't go to this atall!!
fossilsmorefossils · 19/04/2022 13:14

Mine did, immediately.

Choopi · 19/04/2022 13:15

It might just be that he thought he was doing you a favour getting you that job(which he was) and then thought you were being a cheeky fucker trying to get him to get your sister a job too whereas he thinks he's done enough for you already.

Neverreturntoathread · 19/04/2022 13:16

Everywhere that I’ve worked, an employee gets a nice little bonus (sometimes as much as 2 months salary) if they recruit a new employee to the business. Perhaps he got paid a finder’s fee for recruiting you, and doesn’t want you to find out about it in case you ask for some of the money?

Or, if not that, then he wants alone time with you and doesn’t want your family around getting in his way. The comments about ‘I did you a favour’ make it seem like this. A real friend would never keep making you say thank you!

You owe him nothing. You are an asset to the business. Finding you made him look good to his boss, and he possibly also got paid for it. Next time he says ‘I did you a favour’ etc then either depending on how jokey your relationship is, I’d either say “Nah mate you did this place a favour, they’re lucky to have me” or just roll your eyes, do not reply, and completely ignore his comment.

He sounds a bit weird, I’d distance yourself.

Verybritishproblems101 · 19/04/2022 13:36

Thanks all for your replies! I’ll see what he’s like at work this evening and hope he was just having an off morning. I’m not worried about working alone with him or anything. I’ve told him I’m grateful and i guess there’s not much more I can say. X

OP posts:
IncompleteSenten · 19/04/2022 13:40

@fossilsmorefossils

Mine did, immediately.
Mine too.
Cocomarine · 19/04/2022 13:40

@Neverreturntoathread 2 months salary as finders fee? That’s really specific to a particular type of company, and I can assure you that the majority of companies offer nothing at all!

Krakenchorus · 19/04/2022 13:48

No, you don't owe him anything. He is not your employer. He helped you find a job. You said thank you and then went one better with the chocolates.

That's your gratitude over and done. Now you both just work there.

If your sister is also looking for a job, she should contact the employer directly.

Gowithme · 19/04/2022 14:11

I straight away thought that he obviously didn't want anyone else there apart from the two of you - and it's not chocolates he's looking for by way of appreciation. Please be careful OP.

knowsmorethansnow · 19/04/2022 14:26

I just thought he wanted the extra hours and if someone else came on they wouldn't be there.

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