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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Refuse to let my daughter be anywhere near my exs new girlfriend

56 replies

Vi14 · 19/04/2022 09:38

I left my daughters dad over a year ago for many reasons. He now has a new girlfriend.
I've been told off him and his mum that this new girlfriend is very unstable. She gets angry at him when he speaks to me about our daughter even though she has a child of her own (who lives with her dad). Apparently she has been in prison twice, is a drug user and an ex escort.
I have refused to let her meet or be anywhere near my 7 year daughter. His mum and mine agree.
AIBU?

OP posts:
AchillesPoirot · 19/04/2022 10:30

That’s quite the drip feed

dworky · 19/04/2022 10:34

@MsTSwift

Was he a drug dealer when you got together and decided to have a baby?
Never takes long, does it?
Ohmybod · 19/04/2022 10:37

@MolliciousIntent

Yup, YABU, you have no right to dictate how your daughter's father spends her time with him or who he sees when his child is around.
Use some common sense. This situation is clearly a bit unusual and there are obvious safeguarding concerns.
Tabitha789 · 19/04/2022 10:37

You are so doing the right thing! Protect her at all cost ❤️❤️❤️ keep strong OP

Tilltheend99 · 19/04/2022 10:41

@MolliciousIntent

Yup, YABU, you have no right to dictate how your daughter's father spends her time with him or who he sees when his child is around.
True but Social Services might be able to dictate when they hear that his new girlfriend is a drug addict
hangrylady · 19/04/2022 10:41

@MolliciousIntent

Yup, YABU, you have no right to dictate how your daughter's father spends her time with him or who he sees when his child is around.
What bollocks
Vulpius · 19/04/2022 10:44

@MsTSwift

Was he a drug dealer when you got together and decided to have a baby?
What has that got to do with the price of fish?
GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 19/04/2022 10:44

You and your Mum and his Mum sound like you're doing a great job of protecting her while also allowing her the contact she needs with her Dad (even if he sounds like an arsehole). Bloody well done for that; very difficult balancing act.

His new girlfriend has absolutely no need or reason to meet your DD. Keep her away. And explain this to him in very simple terms. If she shows up with your ex for a visit, you will tell your Mum and MIL to shut the door in their faces. And revisit access through the court. Stand strong together and keep your little girl protected.

Krakenchorus · 19/04/2022 10:51

So you can stop contact anytime? Then, yes, tell him no gf around his dd and have your mum and his police this. That's reasonable.

GetOffTheTableMabel · 19/04/2022 10:55

@MsTSwift

Was he a drug dealer when you got together and decided to have a baby?
We don’t need to know this. It doesn’t have anything to do with whether or not the OP should allow her DD to mix with the father’s new GF. The only reason for asking this is to encourage sneering judgements.
funinthesun19 · 19/04/2022 10:56

If it’s got to a point where he’s having to raise his concerns about her to you, then I can’t see this ever working.

Pompom2367 · 19/04/2022 10:59

You are doing the right thing op but you need a court order at the minute his mum or yours can't stop him walking out the door with her if he wanted to

Chely · 19/04/2022 11:07

He's a dealer! I'd be going through courts to stop him having contact. Bollocks to the girlfriend.

AryaStarkWolf · 19/04/2022 11:08

@MolliciousIntent

Yup, YABU, you have no right to dictate how your daughter's father spends her time with him or who he sees when his child is around.
No she's not. This is her child and that woman sounds dangerous.
reesewithoutaspoon · 19/04/2022 11:20

Can you trust both nanas to not allow the girlfriend to be there when he visits? That would be my concern.
If you cant then a court ordered contact centre might give you the peace of mind you want.
If you can trust them, then you are doing everything you can do to protect your daughter.
Courts often are reluctant to stop all contact even if the parent is an absolute dickhead so he would probably still get some. The nans might be considered adequate to fulfill this

KarmaStar · 19/04/2022 11:58

You are doing the right thing op stick to your plans.
Keep her away from the drug scene as long as possible.
Hopefully he will want to get clean .

ScrollingLeaves · 19/04/2022 11:59

MolliciousIntent

Yup, YABU, you have no right to dictate how your daughter's father spends her time with him or who he sees when his child is around.

It is rubbish to say that no matter what harm a seven year old might come in the company of her father’s girlfriend, his right to see her trumps the little girl’s right to be safe.

He can ditch his girlfriend or see his DD for little visits without gf; and DM would need to be near by.

balalake · 19/04/2022 12:05

100% supportive of you on this one. Pity the courts even allow your ex access.

notacooldad · 19/04/2022 12:05

Yup, YABU, you have no right to dictate how your daughter's father spends her time with him or who he sees when his child is around
Not heard of safeguarding thenMolliciousIntent

DonnyBurrito · 19/04/2022 12:22

Oh God. I'd be moving very far away from the pair of them tbh.

JeffThePilot · 19/04/2022 12:32

After I read your further post - YANBU and there’s no reason the girlfriend should need to be involved anyway. It sounds like you’ve put sensible, safe arrangements into place, supervised by grandmother, and it sounds like she’s keyed in to the possible risks too.

If there’s any hint of threat from your ex that he’s going to disrupt this arrangement, I’d head straight to court for a protective order to make sure he can’t just take her.

custardbear · 19/04/2022 13:12

Goodness, I'd be doing everything I could to ensure they never meet - I hope you've managed to find a decent partner and your child has a good father figure to look up to in the future - her dad and his girlfriend sound like a waste of air

Original poster
Vi14 · 19/04/2022 13:18

I thank you all so much for your comments. I think I just needed some reassurance that I'm doing the right thing.
My exs mum is brilliant with my daughter and would never let her come to any harm.
I'm pretty sure my ex wouldn't ever take my daughter, he can't even look after himself.
My daughter is very aware what he is like. I've always let her make her own mind up about him.
Luckily we live a couple of hours away from him and he doesn't know where we live.
My daughter sees him in the holidays and is happy with that.
Thank you again for your comments x

OP posts:
Original poster
Vi14 · 19/04/2022 13:19

@custardbear my daughter is very close to my dad and spends a lot of time with him. He is the best father figure she could ever ask for x

OP posts:
custardbear · 19/04/2022 13:28

[quote Vi14]@custardbear my daughter is very close to my dad and spends a lot of time with him. He is the best father figure she could ever ask for x[/quote]
That's brilliant, he'll Always be there for her 💕