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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Do you let your child keep things they find?

51 replies

thepingaloos · 18/04/2022 22:42

Just trying to figure out if I am being a bit mean to my DC really.

I have always said if we find something in the street we leave it there in case someone comes back for it (those bits and bobs that have a way of getting lost, hats, little toys, hair slides, or jewellery).

I was with a friend a few weeks ago and the kids happened to come across not one but two things and their DC was allowed to keep both items. My DC then asked me why they were never allowed. I always thought I was doing the right thing, my DC have lost things in the past and I've always gone back searching for them and I know even the most daft thing can be treasure to a child. So on that basis I always say to my DC to leave it be, it's not theirs. I also thought it was teaching them about it not just being 'finders keepers', in the hope that they'd always try to find the rightful owner of something. But now I just feel like a very very mean mum and I'm wondering whether I'm actually being a bit harsh on my own DC so thought I'd use mumsnet to do a straw poll. AIBU?

OP posts:

Littlescottiedog · 18/04/2022 22:46

My DS is only 3 but I wouldn't let him keep something from the street or park. I think it's a bit odd to let a child do that, tbh, as you don't know where it's come from it who's it is or if they're coming back to look for it. I don't think YABU, OP.

Justyouwaitandseeagain · 18/04/2022 22:48

Always leave in case the owner comes looking, or hand in if expensive / somewhere with an obvious place to hand in lost property.

TheSnowyOwl · 18/04/2022 22:49

Mine sometimes bring sticks home but not something that belongs to somebody else and has been lost.

VampireMoney · 18/04/2022 22:49

I've always let mine keep the bits of 'treasure' they've discovered. It hasn't had any adverse affects, and has lead to some lovely memory filled convos about the time they found this or that.

Yerroblemom1923 · 18/04/2022 22:50

I think it's a good lesson to learn that someone may have dropped it and might return to try to find it. (Also less junk at your house!)

LizzieMacQueen · 18/04/2022 22:52

I wouldn't allow it to be kept, no. If you're talking about for example, a kinder egg toy, I'd place it somewhere visible, eg top of a wall.

Yerroblemom1923 · 18/04/2022 22:54

.... having said that dd did find a £20 note at a festival once - no one around who could've immediately dropped it and figured if I'd shouted "anyone lost this?" I couldn't guarantee who the original owner would be, so let her keep it - I did say if it had been a lot of money, or in a purse we would've gone to lost property etc

SnowRoses · 18/04/2022 22:55

Your right, 100%

LibrariesGiveUsPower · 18/04/2022 22:57

Depends what it is. £1 finders keepers. Kids toy or jewellery etc no way. Large sum of money or really valuable items I’d take to police station.

UndertheCedartree · 18/04/2022 22:58

I had a friend who would let her DC keep things they found. She even gave my DS a very nice hoodie that they'd found! It got pretty embarrassing when on the beach her DC were constantly 'finding' things that were actually just spread out on the beach a bit as DC often do when playing in the sand!

I too have gone back looking for things and it always felt nice if I found the item popped up on a wall knowing someone had deliberately put it there to help us find it. And that is what I have taught my DC to do too.

Maltester71 · 18/04/2022 22:59

My dd found an emerald necklace in an American swimming pool. I didn’t know until after we’d left the hotel.

Once home I contacted the hotel. Nobody claimed it for 21 days then a lady in Salt Lake City sent a photo of her dd wearing it as proof it belonged to her. It had been an 18th birthday present.

We sent it by recorded delivery to salt lake city. It was very strange, as it exactly matched a ring I have. Dd was convinced she was fated to find it. Having to send it back was a life lesson.

Howmanydaysuntilfriday · 18/04/2022 23:13

What was the items ?

Original poster

thepingaloos · 18/04/2022 23:15

Thanks everyone for the replies I appreciate it.

For those asking, in this case it was a little necklace and a little kinder egg toy, nothing expensive or fancy, but the sort of thing that I thought a child might be attached to.

My DC was really upset that they weren't allowed to keep either thing (they never have been before, but obviously seeing their friend keep it raised some questions).

OP posts:

Babyfg · 18/04/2022 23:15

I let mine keep random sticks or stones they get attached to on a walk but even those I encourage to leave outside.

But never a non nature object. Tbh I don't want the tat in my house. And if it's not tat then I'd do something to find the owner.

@UndertheCedartree I'm actually shocked about the hoody. She has no shame! That's definitely something I'd have gone back looking for.

WindyKnickers · 18/04/2022 23:22

My DD is like a magpie and picks up any old broken earring or a dropped penny. I am desperately trying to teach her not to fiddle with rubbish or other people's things but it doesn't stick. If she finds something identifiable we try and locate the owner using the local FB page.

Theunamedcat · 18/04/2022 23:24

Usually we leave things I remember one toy we still have it was raining and I was going to drop it off at the tea room on the way out and we just plain forgot no-one mentioned they had lost it on the social media page so it's still here

RewildingAmbridge · 18/04/2022 23:32

No it's either left in situ or handed in if there somewhere obvious to do so. He does like bringing the odd unusual shell from the beach for his sandpit, also got a thing lately about making hedgehogs from pine cones (did it once with DM) and the occasional stick/feather. Nothing that actually belongs to someone else. I think it's a bit off just picking up a lost hat/jumper/piece of jewellery and keeping it!

LucyAutumn · 18/04/2022 23:44

No, absolutely not, we always leave other people's things that have been dropped and the children know and understand why- because if it was something of theirs that was dropped they would be very upset if somebody took it.

Found items are usually put up on a wall or fence where we live, and there is also a local Facebook page that people upload pics of found items to. My sons favourite toy was recovered this way when he was 2, it would have been awful if it had been lost forever.

CelestiaNoctis · 18/04/2022 23:46

Always, always leave it on the wall or over to the side so someone can find it again. It's not yours. Who would WANT to take someone else's belongings anyway. Like for example some old sunglasses or a teddy. You don't know where it's been anyway.

WhiteJellycat · 18/04/2022 23:53

My dd always wants to keep things but if I relate to her losing a thing she gets why she cant.

If she picks up a minging hair clip just before soft play ends then I dont object loudly. I would have thought everyone would be recoiling at picking random tat off the street post covid?

As an aside my parents found a really expensive watch, necklace and ring left on their front wall once. So random not to hand it into the police and just leave it on the wall for a high value item.

pastaparadise · 18/04/2022 23:56

We generally leave things/ put them on a wall etc in case someone comes back for it. A few times I've said if no one has returned for it after a few days he can have it (where its been somewhere we pass by a lot) eg a bouncy ball, bit of fancy dress costume, Christmas decoration. He loves his finds! If it was worth much I'd hand it to police/ nearest shop etc.

ToxicShock · 19/04/2022 00:00

No of course I wouldn't let the kids keep things that obviously someone has lost. Yanbu at all. We habe gone back so many times to all kinds of places where DC has left something and I've always been grateful if no one had taken it.

ToxicShock · 19/04/2022 00:05

@Yerroblemom1923

My mum keeps losing money and she usually goes back to find the cash in case she has dropped it somewhere so even random currency notes should be left where they are I think.

Pixiedust1234 · 19/04/2022 00:07

Absolutely not. Put it on a wall in case somebody comes back looking for it, unless valuable or keys. Depending on what log it with police/bank/Facebook. Sticks and stones are played with in the general vicinity (park/beach) but then left for somebody else to enjoy.

I taught my kids it was nearly the same as stealing - taking something that wasn't theirs.

SleepingStandingUp · 19/04/2022 00:09

@VampireMoney

I've always let mine keep the bits of 'treasure' they've discovered. It hasn't had any adverse affects, and has lead to some lovely memory filled convos about the time they found this or that.

Presumably you've never had a child lose a toy and then by heartbroken it's mysteriously disappeared (into someone else's house).

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