DH has gone NC/LC with his mum and subsequently his sister. I’ve posted on here before and it was the responses that helped DH to do this. He was the scapegoat child and his family continued to treat him unfairly. His mum is classic NPD.
I feel like a mug because despite DH’s outward facade, I have always known he still yearns for that motherly connection and so I’ve tried to help him get to a stage of repairing the relationship and seeing if they can rebuild. All instigated and talked through by/with me.
Anyway, this will come off confusing and bad but please do not focus on the how we found this but instead the content: DH had to unlink an account he has that he also set his mum up on. They keep logging into our things (still) rather than make their own accounts. This means we can see all the dad’s google history etc but his porn habits are not of interest to me. But in doing a password change and sorting the accounts we came across the messaging app/site DH set up for MIL and saw all the chats. This part was innocent but DH saw a message pop up from his aunt who lives abroad (hence the messaging app to keep it free) with a picture of us (my latest post from our holiday - not sure why when his mum can see my photos on Facebook) so he naturally read. The messages were from our recent wedding day. Saying how he’s marrying a psychopath today and how his brother joked that it had been called off and she wishes it were true. She wrote how she is wearing black for a funeral for it. Quite honestly they put DH down / our wedding down (criticising the event and the costs) as well as some poisonous nasty things about me and my family. The words she used about me are so disgusting I can’t repeat it and my brain is struggling to remember it.
I just felt sick and wish I hadn’t seen it. It’s good in a sense that I’ve now realised it’s over with them and I will never have anything more to do with them. DH seemed numbed by it. We can’t really confront because she will twist it until the awful things she’s said are forgotten.
So I have said to DH he needs to be aware that if we go on to have children, I do not want them having anything to do with his family. No visits (unless when children are older they ask to - I’ll cross that bridge if and when) and no announcements - I wouldn’t tell social media about a pregnancy and so they wouldn’t find out straight away - I don’t want to tell them.
So AIBU to feel this way and proceed as if they’re dead to me? I can’t explain my emotions because I know she is evil but it still shocks me a grown woman is so vile. I assume she thinks I’m the reason DH isn’t speaking to her which again shows she’s incapable of seeing her flaws or listening to her own son reeling off examples.
DH and I recently visited his brother and took him and his fiancé out for a fancy dinner in an attempt to improve the relationship. Given the comments there I also feel stupid for that. DH’s sister is also NC and she is a carbon copy of his mum.