This was abuse right?

[Diedre44]

Might ramble a bit here I'm sorry.
I am completely NC with all of my family and suppose I'm just looking for validation from strangers.
I'll refer to woman who birthed me as she/her and the man I came from him/he.
He worked away when we were kids (I'm the eldest of 3 girls) and she initially would ship us off to grandparents every Friday an hour and a half bus ride away on our own from the age of me being about 6/7 with my younger sister being 4/5 at the time, youngest more or less lived with grandparents from her being about 14 mths. Eventually grandparents got tired of us being dumped on them and so she would leave us home alone while she went out clubbing with her friends. At first it would just be Friday/Saturday nights but eventually became Wednesdays and Thursdays too. Her friends moved to the next town and so about a year or so later was 8/9 by this time she would take us to her friends and I would be left to look after my younger siblings and her 2 friends 7 kids between them in a squalid ground floor flat. There was no food in the cupboards, milk in the fridge. It was horrific. They would bring different men back every night and it became the norm. We were dirty, I tried my best as a child to try and keep us clean but when I recall my best just wasn't good enough.
He would come home every 2/3 months for a weekend and they would just go out all weekend again, I would have some reprieve from just having my 2 siblings to look after but they would just bring people back and party all night again. I missed so much school time, I tried to tell teachers and got nowhere. She got called into see school nurse with me I recall when I was in the last year of junior school as I had started my periods and had already a well developed chest and I'd been asking her to buy me a bra for ages and ages as boys were making fun of me but she would shout and scream telling me she couldn't afford it. She never bought me any sanitary wear and I would just use toilet roll (if we had it) and obviously would bleed through my clothes at school. She manipulated the nurse and told her that I was refusing to accept that my body was changing and wouldn't use anything. I was gob smacked. I cried and cried, I got a "good hiding" when we got home and told not to go telling people anything about our home life.
This is obviously not all of the horrible things that happened to me and is the first time I have actually put it down. This was in the 80s and I know I was abused and that this led me down an awful path for a number of years. I have never spoken to anybody IRL about it. Over the years I've questioned my reality of growing up and after years of being told to shut up and stop being dramatic wonder if I have embellished some of it. I don't think I have but it does creep up on me at times. I've told my DP bits of it but never my whole truth.
Sorry so long. 💕💕

That was definitely abuse and I am so sorry you had to go through that. Have you ever had counseling to talk about what you went through?

So sorry you’ve gone through this, it sounds absolutely horrific. You have no need to feel shame or keep it secret, this was never your fault or responsibility. I hope you can find your way to healing from it.

I’m so sorry.
It was abusive and neglectful in every way.
I’m so glad you survived it.

I wanted to send you love. I hope you got some help to cope with all you experienced and all you were never provided with in your childhood.
❤️

I'm so sorry you went through this. Definitely abuse. I hope you are far away from the people that birthed you now. They should be ashamed.

I had an assessment once years ago when my DS was about 18 months after I'd gone to GP asking for help, he sent me off with anti-deppresants and I had a 15 min chat with iirc a cpn who told me I was just feeling guilty for having a termination when I was 17. I just feel like every time I tried to get help I was eye rolled at and dismissed. As though it was too far fetched to be true. I don't think back then emotional abuse or neglect was a thing. Don't get me wrong we had plenty of hidings, smacks and grabs/shakes but unless you were beat continually it wasn't considered physical abuse and be expected to put up and shut up.

Yes this was abuse and parental neglect. Heartbreaking to read but very brave of you to write this post.
Like you I’m a survivor from a horrible childhood in the 80’s and 90’s where no one gave a shit. My only advise is don’t dwell, keep striving forward and be everything your parents weren’t.