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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

About wanting a break from 16 month old DD

27 replies

Chilliandchocolate · 18/04/2022 16:52

DD is lovely but she’s at an age where she needs pretty much constant entertainment and supervision.

To be fair to DH he will have her in the house no problem is I want to go to the gym or shopping or a rare night out but what he doesn’t do is take her out anywhere and I’d really like a chance to chill in the house and catch up on some stuff.

AIBU? I don’t want to order him out of his own home but I’m co Stanley on the go and shattered.

OP posts:
Lilybow · 18/04/2022 16:55

Have you asked him? He's her dad, nothing wrong with him taking her out for a few hours so you can get a break?

Original poster
Chilliandchocolate · 18/04/2022 17:02

When I ask it takes him forever to get ready and then he comes back in less than an hour. So to be honest it barely seems worth it.

OP posts:
AntarcticTern · 18/04/2022 17:05

How about suggesting he takes her swimming on a weekend morning? That's an activity lots of dads seem to enjoy with their kids. Also, if he does take her out sometimes for an hour then I don't think that's not worth it - an hour is still a nice bit of a break! Keep doing that.

RandomQuest · 18/04/2022 17:10

I booked mine into a Saturday morning baby gym class and DH took her. 80% of the other parents there were dads too so I clearly wasn’t alone in my thinking.
Also, the taking ages to get ready aside, I don’t think it’s a problem if they’re out for an hour or just under. It’s still a break.

Takingabreakagain · 18/04/2022 17:15

It can be hard to entertain a young one out of the house especially if the weather isn't good. Maybe once he feels confident taking her for an hour he can/will increase it.

PlantingTrees · 18/04/2022 17:18

takingabreak she’s 16 months! Plenty of time for him to have gotten confident. He just probably can’t be bothered to go for longer

Original poster
Chilliandchocolate · 18/04/2022 18:12

@RandomQuest it kind of is a bit of a problem because while he faffs I have to watch over DD getting increasingly exasperated, so an exhausting hour of entertaining her at home isn’t ‘worth it’ for twenty minutes peace. It’s also why I can’t have a class he takes her to.

OP posts:
PlantingTrees · 18/04/2022 18:23

It’s not faffing, it’s strategic incompetence

RandomQuest · 18/04/2022 18:26

Do you mean that he actually takes an hour to get a 16MO ready?? I know you said he takes ages but I didn’t think it would be anything near that bad. WTAF is he doing? Sorry but it does sound like strategic incompetence.

Original poster
Chilliandchocolate · 18/04/2022 18:28

It’s just he always decides there is something he has to do. So you ask him to take her and it’s yeah yeah I’ll just … then he spends forever doing whatever it is. He’s always done it and it’s really annoying!

OP posts:
LouiseTrees · 18/04/2022 18:31

I would call him out on it and be like why does it take you an hour to get out the house then you are back in less than that!

LouiseTrees · 18/04/2022 18:32

@Chilliandchocolate

It’s just he always decides there is something he has to do. So you ask him to take her and it’s yeah yeah I’ll just … then he spends forever doing whatever it is. He’s always done it and it’s really annoying!
Then say “ no you won’t just anything because you are meant to be giving me me time not giving me back the baby to look after. Get …out”
Nillynally · 18/04/2022 18:35

Omg are you married to my husband?? I feel you on this 100%

Rumplestrumpet · 18/04/2022 18:37

You're not being at all unreasonable, but please deal with this head-on now, or else it will continue and you'll grow increasingly resentful. Assuming he's a generally capable man in other aspects of his life, he is more than able to take his child out for a couple if hours on the weekend. A newborn can be scary at first, but she's over one - he ought to have worked this out by now.

If subtlety doesn't work, just talk it through with him, in a non-judgemental way, and make it clear this is part of being a parent.

Good luck

IsabelaMadrigal · 18/04/2022 18:37

Book a morning session paid for activity(baby gym, signing, swimming etc)
Get him to pack the bag the night before. (I always have a semi packed bag anyway, so can then just top up with food, drink at the last minute).
If possible organise at the same time another dad friend goes, or say he can meet up with a friend afterwards.

What sort of tasks are we talking? I get very annoyed if my partner decides that the gardening just can't wait(on a sunny day, of course!) More patience if it's hanging washing up etc.

Original poster
Chilliandchocolate · 18/04/2022 18:37

You can say that @LouiseTrees but he’ll still ‘just’ …

It drives me mad and it’s so stressful it becomes pointless trying to get rid of them both.

OP posts:
Original poster
Chilliandchocolate · 18/04/2022 18:39

@IsabelaMadrigal it would be a waste of money, or I’d end up taking her. He just can’t seem to get himself out.

OP posts:
IsabelaMadrigal · 18/04/2022 18:44

Ah see, if money is involved the fear of wasting money would speed DH up.

I agree directly addressing it is a good idea. (Tip, don't let it build it so it all comes tumbling out at once, I speak from experience.)

The other thing you can do is whatever time he leaves be explicit he needs to be x time from then.

Eg.
It's 12.15 now, so you can go to soft play for an hour, then put her in the pram for a nap and collect these things from town for me. So I won't expect you back till 2 at the earliest. I'm mopping the floor, so if you do come back early, you'll have to take her out in the garden.

God, just typed all that and realised it's likely end in an accusation of nagging. Wtf are we meant to do!?

whatswarmofwasps · 18/04/2022 18:55

When you diss it out let me know! DS is 3 and I have no sodding idea when I am going to get around to series 2 of Bridgerton let alone anything else 😂

DW is the same as your DH, excellent at giving me time to myself / to go and see friends etc. if I am leaving the house. In fact, I go out without DS a lot more than she does. If she takes him out so I can have time at home, it's just for a really short time and hardly worth it. She absolutely does her fair share of everything though, I don't feel it's worth having words over.

I have recently booked DS into CM one extra Friday morning every month. The rest of the time he is with CM I am at work, but those 5 hours every month are MINE and I will do whatever I like with them 😁

whatswarmofwasps · 18/04/2022 18:55

Suss this out 🤦‍♀️

Carbiesdreamhouse · 18/04/2022 19:01

Definitely book a class - swimming is good, in the morning and get him into the habit of going around the shops straight afterwards to pick up lunch. That will guarantee you an hour or so. Make sure he owns the whole activity, so that includes packing the swim bag, and washing the stuff when home.

Original poster
Chilliandchocolate · 18/04/2022 19:02

@IsabelaMadrigal I do know what you mean but I just couldn’t bring myself to do that. I would be furious if I was spoken to like that (I’m just being honest!)

OP posts:
Loopytiles · 18/04/2022 19:07

He’s a piss poor parent IMO if he NEVER takes her out alone for over an hour.

Loopytiles · 18/04/2022 19:08

Does he have trouble leaving the house when it’s work or something he wants to do?

If not, the problem isn’t that he ‘can’t’ do it, it’s that he won’t.

ThinWomansBrain · 18/04/2022 19:12

if you want to go to the gym/shopping or whatever - does it matter whether DH looks after her at home or takes her out?
Leave him to it.