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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To no longer be confident about next steps in life

2 replies

Notquitemanaging · 18/04/2022 12:58

40 y old, happily married, two kids who are both happy and healthy (they havent always been and I don't take this for granted or lightly ever) and been in the same job I love for nearly a decade.
When I was younger I was very ambitious for its own sake almost - just always assumed the right thing to do was to go for promotions and pay rises and think my 30yo self would be surprised and maybe a bit disappointed at my career.
After years of ups and downs with health stuff and normal extra work that comes with tiny kids I feel I have the headspace to look at promotions. My dh also hates his jobs and as Ive not had a payrise in years I feel some pressure to bring more in too and free him to maybe take a less well paid but less stressful role, but he is clear he doesnt view it this way and I shouldnt factor this into my thinking. My commute is also crap and stressful, but I really love my role, workplace and colleagues.
The thing is - I have no gut feeling about what I want which is strange as am normally very decisive. I really want to support dh more. I also think I want to be ambitious and look like am making progress but then I wonder who I am trying to impress as no one that matters would care what I was doing in my job so long as I was happy.
I cant work out if I am just reluctant to acknowledge I am no longer very ambitious and happy where I am or whether there is a fear or change and the unknown preventing me seeking more.
Has anyone else found themselves at a similar stage in life unable to read their own feelings much less make any decisions?

OP posts:
FreyaFromTheFens · 20/04/2022 15:37

I think it's normal to go through stages of apathy with your own life and future decisions.
I'm not ambitious but I don't have children so can maybe afford to be a bit more laid back about life plans. DH is more proactive than me and very focused on his work and finances but doesn't push me to be so I don't.

I also love my job and have been here almost 20 years. It's a very relaxed role and i'm not managed which makes up for any negatives (salary) so i'll probably just stagnate here Grin

Swayingpalmtrees · 20/04/2022 15:43

I agree with pp. I am mid 40s and just getting together 'a plan' after 5 years of not knowing what direction we next take. Once you emerge out of the bulk of parenting it does present some hard questions.

I researched lives that I admired, countries and cultures I find inspirational and had a good look at my own dreams again (dusted down) and slowly it came together. Now I am retraining and doing a degree to support my change of direction. I have refined my priorities and shaken things up a little. Monotony is not great at this age.

I am still working on it, and it will take you a while but start with your 'dream life' in ten years and work backwards!

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