Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

Original poster

to be at odds with my manager?

15 replies

flopsyandjim · 18/04/2022 12:21

I have been in this job for 8 months and I'm really enjoying it compared to previous jobs where I got bullied and discriminated against (for being disabled).

I went through a tribunal process, which current manager knows about (it was quite a well known case - not going to say what it is though cause it would be outing. I've changed a few details in this post too).

This job is in a MH charity. They are much more inclusive although not perfect, but definitely better. I WFH part time and my manager has been great. Supportive, understanding, backs me up, ensures I have the adjustments I need, praises me to senior management etc. Everything I want in a manager and I am happy here. My colleagues are nice too.

But there is something that is making me uncomfortable and I don't know what to do. I worry it could damage our working relationship.

I was meant to be doing a fully funded degree course. As the charity is going through restructuring and trying to save money, this is no longer happening. So no more development opportunities for me.

In my annual performance review, I'm expected to include one developmental objective though. Seeing as there's a pause on L&D opportunities and I don't desire to move upwards (I like the job I do). I thought I could take over the leadership of the neurodiversity group as there is a position available and I'm neuro divergent. I have been involved in disability / neurodiversity networks in previous jobs.

Manager is dead against me doing this. She says she's trying to look out for me as it would be 'very stressful' and could put me at odds with HR. I don't know if she's worrying that I might go to a tribunal again and is trying to avoid that, but firstly that was a different employer / situation. Secondly, it was not of my doing. I'm not a trouble maker. I just like making a difference and see this as not only helping colleagues but helping the organisation. Manager has suggested I try to become leader of the LGBT+ group instead even though I am not LGBT+. Seemingly that's okay but being the neurodiversity lead is not.

I've tried to push back, ask questions, explain how I would approach things but manager keeps saying "its not that simple" without expanding on what she means. Its not a paid role, but a voluntary one.

But I don't want to be at odds with my manager when our relationship has been going so well for these past few months. I don't want a repeat of the past. What if she is right and it DOES cause problems?

AIBU to go against my manager? What do I say or do? How do I make my case without damaging our relationship?

OP posts:

chillied · 18/04/2022 12:26

Just don't do the Neuro divergent leadership role. Or the other one. easy as that.

Gizlotsmum · 18/04/2022 12:45

If she has been a good mama get so far, supportive etc I would think carefully about her warning. Does she know something she can’t disclose and is trying to protect you? Why is the role vacant? Could you find something else if the role she suggested doesn’t appeal?

Gizlotsmum · 18/04/2022 12:46

Manager not mama!

starynight21 · 18/04/2022 12:51

I would just keep things as they are for the moment. Unless you are getting a salary increase why take on extra work? Career progression is important but you need to ask what benefits are you getting from any extra role you take on?

You have only been there 8 months. Perhaps give this one a miss as she has suggested and then see what else comes up in the future.

Hawkins001 · 18/04/2022 12:54

Sometimes people know more about x but cannot always give the reasons why, so it's like they want to help you but cannot directly say why etc

LIZS · 18/04/2022 12:54

Within the first year it seems a bit of a jump. Maybe manager feels you could be too personally invested to run a support group objectively? Are there any cpd courses you could do to expand your awareness of mh issues?

Idontevenknow · 18/04/2022 12:59

You've only been there 8 months, you get on well with your manager who has been supportive. Let this one go and focus on your actual role, you are still relatively new to the organisation to be taking on all this extra responsibility

Anoisagusaris · 18/04/2022 13:00

You can choose what work or role you want to do. It’s a manager’s job to assign work.

Bibbetybobbity · 18/04/2022 13:08

It feels a bit like you’re looking for problems. Focus on your job and the overall positive relationship with your line manager…

Cocomarine · 18/04/2022 13:14

Given that everything else you’ve said about the line manager is positive, I would trust them.

GinPalace2 · 18/04/2022 13:24

Trust your manager on this one. There will be things they cant tell you but are clearly looking out for your interests.

WRT development opportunities, obviously they won’t compare to a degree but it sounds like your manager is suggesting opportunities for you.

TulipsGarden · 18/04/2022 13:28

I would suspect she knows something about it that you don't, and is steering you away for good reason. Managers can't be completely honest, and if she is good and you get on that's worth a huge amount. I would just leave it for now and find something else.

Original poster

flopsyandjim · 18/04/2022 13:49

ha, she does feel like a mama sometimes

yeah I do wonder if there is more to the restructure than what I know. I was told our team was safe but maybe that's not the case.

OP posts:

BeforeGodAndAllTheFish · 18/04/2022 13:58

I know the lead of the neurodiversity groups at my last employer had a very very stressful time with it.

You've had problems in the past, a widely publicised tribunal, you require adjustments at work and now you want to take on a role that does bring a lot of stress. She has been quite honest with you. HR would not be happy. Their job is to limit the liability of the company. They will not want someone who may bring a tribunal against them taking on a stressful role that may interfere with reasonable adjustments you need or cause you to need more adjustment or time off or help with stress.

It isnt necessary for your role. As long as they are not holding you back in your actual job then maybe just let this one go.

I know that's harsh but it's is probably true.

GinPalace2 · 18/04/2022 14:45

@flopsyandjim

ha, she does feel like a mama sometimes

yeah I do wonder if there is more to the restructure than what I know. I was told our team was safe but maybe that's not the case.

OP you are missing the point that other posters and I are making.

To be blunt, your manager is clear the leadership of the neurodiversity group is not for you. The reasons they cannot divulge due to confidentiality. Reading between the lines, is not about you and your abilities but that role itself is problematic for anyone.

Flip