Name changed. Don't want links to previous anything at all because it's not what I'm talking about
I am struggling so badly.
Struggling with my late 30s husbands sudden lack of mobility due to painful knee joints and accompanying snappiness and moody fucking bastardness. He's just such a fucking downer 60% of the time. He's not a horrible man he's just turned so miserable and he never ever wants to do anything at all. Can see myself having to encourage him to even go upstairs and take a shower if this knee pain thing continues. He's had X-rays and that- they said the knees look ok and his range of movement is ok but obviously painful and a bit stiff. He shuffles about like an old grandpa and heaven forbid we do something in the day that I wanted to do because I will hear all day and into the next how he's in agony because of it. Common phrase is "I was almost in tears with the pain."
I'm almost in tears with the fucking attitude and the pressure of not getting it wrong and being guilt tripped and the damn misery of not being able to do anything with my husband and children together. Not even a trip to the local park.
One of my children also has an incredibly painful and debilitating condition which also makes me the person who has to deal with all of that and the resultant snappiness from poorly controlled pain and lack of sleep.
It's on me to keep this house tidy. Everyone else I live with is very messy and I can't keep up with it all. My husband is the chaotic type of ADHD personality that has boxes and boxes of random crap here there and everywhere and he loses everything and forgets stuff.... it's all on me to sort it all and I don't know where to start. I'm drowning in stuff, I never have any time to do anything I want because I'm always tending everyone else's needs. Oh, and my husband, when in pain and tired, will nitpick over HOW I've done something, as if he can do it better, but does he ever take me up on that invite??
I'm sitting here sobbing because I have yet another mountain of washing and cleaning and organising to do and all I wanted was a short walk to the local park with the kids and DH on his last day off. Fuck, you'd think I'd expected him to scale Everest. Then I said ok, I'll take the kids and you do the washing and the dishwasher. The outrage and disbelief that I'd want him to do anything at all! Got given the "I was almost in tears with the pain" line and I'm so fucking tired of being everyone's whipping boy and house servant!! I want to DO things as a family! My littlest has missed so much due to the pandemic and now he can't even go to the park with his mum and dad or have his dad take him out to play at all!
Fuck, I'm so stressed