To not want relatives to feed DD junk food

[clouddoveland]

They have no issue with giving her crisps, chocolate, fizzy pop, squash etc. They never see us giving her food/drink like that so why do they feel the need to?! They seem obsessed with her trying all of this junk. Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for her trying new and different foods but to me, it’s just unnecessary. I know we can’t avoid it forever but she’s 11 months old!

I even caught an old aunt letting her gum the top of her wine glass at the weekend.

We’re very close with my family so I try not to offend when I’m telling them to stop, it’s more of a “come on now DD, if you’re thirsty you can you have your yummy water from your own cup” type of comment but the wine thing was the final straw. I don’t know how I managed to contain my rage.

It’s like history repeating itself. I was allowed so much sugar as a child - pop, sweets, biscuits and tea with sugar in it. To the point where some of my baby teeth were rotten (luckily they fell out!) and I was very hyperactive. I feel like this is partly why I’m so sensitive about it and as an adult, I’m overly conscious of the food and drink I eat.

It's not just my side of the family either so is this a generational thing of wanting children to drink pop and eat sweets? Am I being too precious because she’s my first baby?

For context, this is whenever we visit family which is fairly often and at family parties. It's not a "they're helping with childcare whilst I'm working and I'm being ungrateful of their help" type of scenario.

At that age, no YANBU. Salt would be my main concern.

“Yummy water” 🤣

@MrsSkylerWhite

At that age, no YANBU. Salt would be my main concern.

Yes! Salt is my concern too with the crisps. It's not as if it's a whole bad, just one or two but still. It's unnecessary!

@LuckySantangelo35

“Yummy water” 🤣

Hahaha I know, said no one ever 😂

Honestly don't worry about it. If she has it with them only she's not going to come to any harm. They feel they are treating her. She feels loved. It's fine.
In 20 yrs time you won't care and neither will she

What maddy68 said. Calm down. The occasional bit of junk food won't do any harm.

You need to be more direct with them

When they go to give her something inappropriate just intercept and remove the food and say 'no she doesn't need that'

How much time are they spending with her ?
Are they giving her meals etc or just the odd suck of a chip etc assuming it's the latter ,then she's your child you get to say whst she eats and drinks if they are childminding her and feeding her full on crap all the time that's a different matter of course.

It's pretty crappy when she's only 11 months old. At 2 upwards I'd be fine with it all as a treat.

Apart from the wine glass thing. I find it really really tacky to introduce alcohol to very young children. Totally unnecessary.

I agree that the occasional junk food won’t do her any harm but the child is 11 months old! No child needs to be eating junk food or drinking fizzy drinks there?!

I’d just say “no thanks, we don’t let her have crisps / chocolate etc etc yet” and offer an alternative

I don't think YABU, especially when I read your family gave you so much sugar your baby teeth were rotten. You don't want to risk this happening to your child, which sounds to me like sensible parenting.

I'm not sure why we associate showing our love and affection with sugary treats, or why it's seen as a rite of passage for small children...

Yes too young, imo. I was never too strict really with mine but I definitely drew the line at fizzy drinks and real junk.
I went to a wedding recently and was quite agog to see a family trying to tip a fruit shoot down the neck of a baby that could have been barely past weaning age.

Stop being so passive about it. They're not listening to you saying, "DC prefers yummy water."
You tell them clearly that DC is not allowed all this junk. She's only 11 months old. There's no need for this. Her teeth will be rotten before she's even 2.
Grow a backbone and tell your family "NO."

dillydollydingdong
How do you know it will do no harm? Throwing out basesless statements like that does not help anyone. There is plenty of evidence that sugar and salt and fatty snacks are harmful, especially to a baby's body. If I was OP I would be vigilant about what her DC is given to eat and drink. The relatives are quite likely doing competitive child treats, so why should the child's health be at risk just to humour them?

You have made it much harder now. You should have set the tone before she was born. Told them sternly no sugar drinks/choc/crisps etc. I did that. I got plenty of negative comments saying I was mean to my child. How dare I try to keep them healthy 🙄 they're older now 7 and 9 and have beautiful teeth and just now have allowed eldest to try fizzy drinks but he's only allowed them as a rare treat. My teeth are a mess because my grandma fed me absolute rubbish every weekend and my parents allowed plenty of sweets. I wasn't letting that happen with my children. My children both love water and drink it happily every day. You need to do this now if you feel strongly about it. Have the talk. Don't worry about people's comments. Your daughters health is more important.

@clouddoveland you need to step up and tell them no. Your child, your rules!

I feel exactly the same! The things my mother tries to feed my son sometimes shock me! She’s always been obese but recently decided to loose weight so has done a lot of home cooking and vegetables and says she feels so much better for making the change. But as soon as my son walks through the door, she hands in a cup of juice, 2 packets of crisps and some chocolate!! I will say he doesn’t need all of that he can just have 1. Then for dinner she will offer him super noodles, turkey drummers, sausages, nuggets or some other unhealthy beige food. She’ll say that’s what we ate when we were young, and I tell her that she now knows (and can do) better! She will make herself a nice leek and potato curry/casserole type thing with rice and then feed my child rubbish! She sees it as an achievement to get as much rubbish in him in the time she has. I even pack food for him and she will offer him rubbish when I’m warming up his food and say but he doesn’t want to eat that food he wants whatever rubbish she’s about to offer. And everything is in excess, 2 packets of crisp, or a grab bag, or a big packet of sweets, or 4 yoghurts!!

I avoid going there if I’m honest, I don’t ask her to look after him. We visit for short times, I limit what I can, and then just tell myself to cut down on the treats I would’ve given him to balance it out.

Yummy water

Thank you everyone, I appreciate all of your opinions. I think the majority agree that this is not acceptable. As I said, it's not happening daily, just when we see family, but I still don't think it's acceptable regardless of how frequent it is. It wouldn't be as bad if they asked "is she OK to have XYZ" but they don't so I will be less passive when I'm telling them no from now on and make the rules clear again.

I would maybe understand if they saw us feeding her junk or even eating junk ourselves but we don't. There is always comments from both sides of the family about how we only eat "rabbit food" because of how healthy we eat so they clearly know our views.

I've had another chat with my Mum today about it and she completely understands. Just need to tackle the wider family now.

@GeminiTwin

Yummy water

Water is very yummy if you're thirsty enough.

Your baby, your rules. Obviously within reason but it's YOU who decides what she eats. You are making decisions that will have an impact on her entire life. YOU get to decide, and nobody else. Makes me fume. You are being perfectly reasonable.

@clouddoveland

I'm sorry your family is being so unsupportive

Instead of telling them that you don't want her to have treats and salty crisps, maybe tell them that her GP and Dentist have said these items are very unhealthy for her and you KNOW they wouldn't want to do anything to harm DD... they can't even argue that you were given these things and you came out alright since you had severe dental issues.

Maybe take some snacks that are good for her when you visit( which you probably already do) Hand them the snacks and tell them the GP has said these are what is healthy for them to give her if they need to give her something.
Good luck...just do it matter of fact.. not a huge confrontation as they will just go behind your back and do it otherwise...believe me, I've been there.
Stand firm!