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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To want a lay in on the school holidays

53 replies

Highflow · 18/04/2022 06:57

2 children, age 10 & 8. They haven’t slept in once over the holidays, never do in any other holiday.
Once school is back I’ll have trouble waking them up at 7:30, but over the holiday they are up anywhere between 5:30-6:30. WHY!!!! I’m so bloody tired.
DH says I do too much with them, we have days out every day. He said they need time to chill out. Is he right? Is that why they’re waking up so early?

OP posts:

Original poster

Highflow · 18/04/2022 07:33

@Dishwashersaurous
No it’s not about me, and I didn’t mean for it to come across that way.
There is a marked difference in the times the kids wake in term time and the holidays and I’m asking if anyone had thoughts as to why. It makes the mornings longer for them, makes them argumentative from tiredness (and me) and there’s no reason for it that I can see, hence asking…

OP posts:

Dishwashersaurous · 18/04/2022 07:36

It's because the holidays are more exciting than going to school.

They are excited to get up and play.

If they are being cranky then just tell them they are not allowed out of their rooms until a certain time and have to read quietly until then.

And if you are exhausted then factor in an afternoon nap during the holidays to offset

ScaldedBy · 18/04/2022 07:37

From younger than that my kids got up and played or put the TV on. Why can't they do that? I wouldn't be getting up at that time to kids that old..

Original poster

Highflow · 18/04/2022 07:39

@noworklifebalance
You’re right, I guess I do try to be a bit of a martyr. I work nights (take annual leave most holidays), and DD (8) hates it. Tears most of the time when I leave the house at 7pm as I won’t be there to put her to bed. So that’s why I feel guilty

OP posts:

SkankingWombat · 18/04/2022 07:40

If they are unable to sneak downstairs without waking you, I would be implementing a holiday rule of no one leaving their room (except for the loo obviously, but maybe no flushing!) or shouting out/noise, until 7/7.30. We have this rule until 7am whether it's the holidays or not. DCs will read in bed until it is time, but they could quietly play with their toys too if they chose. For us it was because one DC would be waking the other (rather than it being an issue for me or DH), leaving at least one tired grumpy DC who was then hell to be around all day.

Dishwashersaurous · 18/04/2022 07:42

Oh you work nights, no wonder your sleep is light and a bit rubbish. It's really really tough doing nights long term on the human body.

Dishwashersaurous · 18/04/2022 07:49

And an eight year old crying because you are going to work is not typical at all.

Could you spend some time working on their resilience this holiday, and then your mum guilt can disappear

Tothepoint99 · 18/04/2022 07:52

I understand the need to take them out but a morning or an afternoon only on some days maybe? Or in the garden? Or send to a friends so you can have a break? Tell their dad to get up with them!

Heronwatcher · 18/04/2022 07:53

It’s because they’ve got a lovely exciting day planned! Your DH is right, they need a few boring days at home too. Also DO NOT feel guilty about your job, they are old enough to understand why you need to work and I am sure you spend lots of time with them during the day- could it be that they just slightly like manipulating you (my kids certainly do if they can get away with it but I don’t put up with it). I agree that trying to get them to stay in their rooms (leave a snack and a drink when you go to bed) but also a firm talk about why mum works and needs to be out of the house might be in order.

HulaTallulah · 18/04/2022 07:55

Sounds like mum guilt. I feel the same sometimes, I use annual leave in the holidays so the kids do less holiday clubs.

My youngest is 6 and sometimes doesnt like me working full time, however I'm sure it's just because she knows it gets a reaction. Far better that you're working and providing them with a roof over their heads. Go easy on yourself

LoveSpringDaffs · 18/04/2022 07:56

I remember when I was about 10 & my brother about 6, my Dad saying this! We did just play but obviously not quietly enough and I remember him saying why couldn't we get up this early on school mornings or sleep on holiday mornings 🥸

I think 'Don't know' was probably our answer!!

But looking back, it's obvious, school mornings - rush rush rush shower dressed off to childminder (before school)

Weekends play play play (breakfast when hungry) play play ....

School holidays though, mostly like a school morning as had to go to the childminder before mum & dad went to work.

Sundays we stayed in our own rooms, listening to childrens stories on our transistor radios! We thought we were so lucky to be allowed to do this! Genius move by my parents!!

In your situation I'd say they need to read/play quietly in their own rooms until x time. Then they can go downstairs.

I'd also say, sometimes you just need to embrace stuff like this because it'll be no time at all before they're teens & mostly don't get up before the day is half over!!

Summerfun54321 · 18/04/2022 07:57

Lighter mornings? Do they have good black out blinds?

ExplodingElephants · 18/04/2022 07:59

Kids these days are overstimulated. I’m only late thirties by the way but I can remember being sat downstairs with my sister from 6am with strict instructions not to disturb our mum. In school holidays she’d generally be up around 8.30 but we were only be disturb her in an actual emergency. We were also a lot younger than your kids. What I’m saying is just leave them to it…and hide the matches 😆

itsgettingweird · 18/04/2022 08:02

Not expert but I'm wondering if you struggle to get the, up for schools Vs getting up early in the holidays is because they have a day out.

Let's face it. If we knew we were doing something exciting we'd be up and ready for it!

Schools has less of a charm to get up and ready for

Try letting them know tomorrow we are staying in. Let them know when they get up they can go downstairs and get cereal but you aren't getting up until you're ready!

Lulu1919 · 18/04/2022 08:06

Let them get up ....ask them to be quiet though ....give them boundaries to what they can do
You could always set a time they have to stay in bedrooms ...
Could you leave out cereal so they can grab breakfast
Have some down days ....let them just chill or watch tv read etc

PhileasPhilby · 18/04/2022 08:07

My DC are exactly the same - difficult to wake in term time, early risers during holidays. (Tbh so is my DH!)

It’s because they have lots to look forward to in the holidays. Mine don’t watch tv in the week during term time but they do in holidays - so they wake up earlier to get more time in before we go out for the day.

However I let them have screens in the hols precisely because then I get a lie in. I also sometimes take myself off for a nap in the afternoon - the DC are old enough (same age as yours) to keep themselves entertained for an hour or so without me.

Sounds more like you need to drop the guilt than anything. My DC don’t love me working either - but they understand what me working contributes to their lives, and how important it is for me personally as well.

And there’s nothing wrong with going out every day. I would go crazy if we stayed in.

GeneLovesJezebel · 18/04/2022 08:08

I didn’t take mine out every day. If I did alternate days they were lucky. It’s good for kids to be bored sometimes, makes them entertain themselves and appreciate the days out you do.

MajorCarolDanvers · 18/04/2022 08:09

If they are 10 and 8 they should be able to manage for a bit of time in the morning so stay in bed.

Secondly your DH is right no need for trips out every day.

Countdownis35 · 18/04/2022 08:11

@DockOTheBay

At that age can't they just go downstairs, get a bowl of cereal and watch TV so you can have a lie in?

This. My DS is a good sleeper so I have never had this anyway. But he's 7 and he will go and watch TV and I will stay in bed and relax... your kids are old enough to make their breakfast and sit quietly.

LouLou198 · 18/04/2022 08:15

We have had days in the holidays where I have planned nothing and they have been left to entertain themselves with films, iPad, Lego etc. They need time to chill out, and as selfish as it sounds, I do too! It's been balanced out with cinema, walks, meals out, bowling so they have done plenty. Both mine don't disturb us if they wake up early, mine are a similar age, and know how to sort themselves breakfast if they want it.

demotedreally · 18/04/2022 08:17

We just have reading in rooms until whatever time. Holiday it is 8am.

Also earplugs for you.

I fall asleep in from not of films, I tell my children it is because I am tired. I am. Don't feel guilty.

reluctantbrit · 18/04/2022 08:25

At that age I would ask them to stay in their rooms until a decent arranged time. They can read, play, draw.

I didn't take DD out at that age every day.We had movie afternoons, did some baking and she entertained herself and was asked to help with things like cooking and washing.

GayParis · 18/04/2022 08:27

Surely most of this could be solved with a pinch less martyrdom.

Books by the kids beds/under pillows - read until the clock says 7am and then you can go get yourself breakfast or whatever. Ear plugs for you so you sleep, if they need you they can come tap you on the shoulder.

8yo crying because you're going to work is very far from normal - apologies if there's SEN but you didn't mention it in OP. If not, working on resilience could help.

Also not sure an 8yo needs putting to bed? That could just be our dynamic though, our DD comes downstairs for a hug and kiss and goes off to read one chapter before sleeping - maybe work on that being the routine at night so she feels less like she's missing out on being 'put' to bed?

TheMoth · 18/04/2022 08:36

I was often woken early by ds shouting at his mates on xbox at that age.

It's now changed again and I'm up earlier than them, enjoying the quiet and a coffee.

My 2 have always loved pj days, so never any need to take them out every day.

anon2334 · 18/04/2022 08:39

@Highflow

I don’t get up with them as soon as they wake, but I hear them getting up, the creaky stairs as they go down them. I’m a light sleeper. Once I’m awake I lay here seething about how difficult it is to wake them term time, or stressing about other stuff I’ve got going on. It’s not a full on day out every day, just a couple of those in the week off. The rest is just meeting friends in the woods, out on the bikes etc. Have to get out each day or kids tear strips off each other. Yes, I have been known to rest my eyes watching a film in the afternoon, but as soon as the kids spot it they are disappointed I’m not enjoying it with them. Mum guilt

What is your mum guilt? I'm 44 and have a wonderful relationship with my mum and she didn't entertain us all the time, in fact a lot of it we entertained ourselves lol and we will had a wonderful childhood. I don't think it's healthy this attachment parenting and parents so involved all the time that they feel guilty, not at that age anyway.No way is that normal. 😳 I'm not saying you can't have days out as a families but most of it st that age should be children enjoying themselves learning and entertaining themselves without you feeling the supposed mum guilt you feel.

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