Silver Wedding Anniversary woes?

[LadySmurf]

So, it’s coming up to my 25th wedding anniversary. We’ve always been happily married, but always felt that I’ve been “failed” when it’s come to gifts from my DH. I have asked him to treat me to something special this year. We’ve had some really hard times in the past, but I’ve stuck through everything, created a loving home for our children and grandchildren. I have a good job and and self sufficient. I also do all the admin work for his firm. I do everything for him - it’s a standing joke that I’m a Swiss Army Wife. When I asked my husband what we are doing for our 25 anniversary- he said we could get a Chinese takeaway. I’ve always wanted a diamond ring. I’ve never had one. AIBU to want one? Or to expect an expensive gift? What do I do on the day if I’m disappointed and can’t hide it.
Please don’t think my DH is an unkind man - he’s just unthinking.
Also - we are not poor! I’m just not materialistic!

Would you like to do something better than a takeaway on your birthday and/or have an expensive gift?

Tell him

I want a diamond ring for our 25th - do you want me to choose 1 myself or shall we go shopping together?

YANBU. Tell him what you want though. Firmly. A Pintrest board or Amazon wishlist (you can add things from any website then it will link directly to the item), plus measuring your finger so there are zero excuses would add to the reinforcement.
Its our silver anniversary this year, and dh has booked a very lovely meal and room for that but is still pushing back on having photos done. Which he has escaped doing for the last 24.5 years, so he has no choice!

I think if you want a diamond ring then you need to tell him exactly that . It being 25 yrs may not register as being extra special to your husband if you are a couple ( or he ) is not normally into gifting . We’ve been very happily married for over 30 yrs , we treat the big anniversaries exactly the same as we treat all the others - we ignore them because anniversaries don’t mean anything to us , we are lovely to each other every day .

I want a party, he wants a cruise, we will organise together, but if I left it to him I’m sure like you, we’d have a take away and he’d probably get me a bunch of flowers and some chocs on his way home from work.
You need to tell him exactly what you want.

We went on a European holiday (it would have been long haul but the pandemic got in the way). I chose a 25€ tree of life silver necklace, I’m not bothered about expense stuff.
You need to tell your DH clearly what you want, a diamond ring isn’t an obvious present so don’t expect him to mind read.

I agree with everyone else.
You've been together long enough to know that you probably won't get what you want, without being really clear about it.

So be clear.

We got married at very short notice and I ended up buying both our wedding rings and my engagement ring as my OH just didn't have the money available at the time. I always wanted a diamond ring. We aren't particularly well off but we aren't struggling, so I just asked him for a diamond eternity ring for our tenth wedding anniversary, and he got me one. He wouldn't have thought about it if I hadn't asked him, so perhaps you need to do the same.

Tell him you’d like a ring then! Don’t expect him to know - that’s unrealistic.

YANBU but tell him you'd love to get a ring, maybe provide examples even. You already know how he is, so straight forward communication is key here.
Also from your description he doesn't sound like an anniversary person at all so if you want this day to be special you'll probably have to organize some bits on your own. Think wedding anniversary video or look up a restaurant you'd like to go to and tell him or plan a photo shoot etc.

You need to tell him, otherwise you’ll be on here complaining about a shitty gift after the event.

You need to tell him what you want.

Not in a here is a page in a catalogue way but in a - I want a diamond ring sort of way.

Most people wouldn't think to buy à diamond ring, other than for an engagement, so how cañ he know that is what you want?

You need to tell him

I think you at least ought to tell him you want to mark it with something that is out of the ordinary. Not a takeaway that you can get any week of the year. Something you will treasure for the next 25 years, like a piece of jewellery or an extra special trip away.

Make a weekend of it to celebrate your 25th anniversary. Say you want to get a diamond ring to commemorate the milestone and go to choose it together ( I wouldn't like yo see what my dh would choose left to his devices ).
If you are in the UK why not go to the jewellery quarter in Birmingham ?
Unless you live near by - then you can go in for the day and perhaps have lunch or afternoon tea somewhere nice.
With so many marriages failing it's nice to hear that yours has been a happy marriage, so celebrate it.

Is he the sort of bloke who will put on a poker face and pretend you’re getting oven gloves and then turn up with the ring? Otherwise, just present him with a choice of three rings (so there’s still an element of surprise) and say I’d like one of these please. Let me know if there’s something you especially want and I’ll get it. I remember when it was time for my DH to go engagement ring shopping, he actually asked for examples of what I liked so he could get it right. There’s no shame in it.

If you've been happily married for 25 years, surely you can have a conversation with the man. Tell him what you want!

Well, I might like a diamond ring for my 25th, too. However, I am damned sure that I will want to choose it. So it would be “save the day. We are going shopping for a diamond ring for me and having a nice lunch”.

And stick to it.