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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To divorce over not wanting to move away?

18 replies

iosobel · 17/04/2022 20:49

Another London vs the north! Sorry!

Moved from a town up north to London 15 years ago! I graduated, house shared etc. met my husband and married 7 years ago and we've been renting while saving up for a deposit.

My husband earned a lot and my salary is not too bad and it was just well enough that we could have afforded a 2/3 bed home in zone 5-6 where we currently are.

Then my husband got sacked. And his new job is 30k less a year and has completely hindered everything!

The landlord has increased our rent massively and my husband now says we will never get a mortgage in these areas for what we want even with our deposit and we should just leave London/Greater London all together and move close to where I'm from as we could easily get a house there on our salaries.

Aibu to be really devastated. Firstly I moved away for a reason. Secondly I feel so resentful that he's put me in such a position I have to leave the life I created for myself for us to have our "own home" My son goes to a lovely school and is settled albeit only 5 but still!

We've been arguing constantly about it to the point I feel like saying "well you go then, I'll carry on renting and get a shared ownership one day" but I know that's cutting my nose off.

I just feel really angry about this!

Aibu?

OP posts:

sweeneytoddsrazor · 17/04/2022 20:56

Did he deliberately put you in this position? Why was he sacked? Is there somewhere cheaper you could live that isn't closer to your home town?

FairyCakeWings · 17/04/2022 20:59

How much potential is there for you both to increase your earnings and be able to afford in London in the next few years?

Aquamarine1029 · 17/04/2022 21:00

Why did he get fired?

FairyCakeWings · 17/04/2022 21:00

Also, if you moved, would you be able to keep the salaries you’re on now?

Original poster

iosobel · 17/04/2022 21:01

@sweeneytoddsrazor

Did he deliberately put you in this position? Why was he sacked? Is there somewhere cheaper you could live that isn't closer to your home town?

He got into a altercation. Well bluntly he got into a fight with a colleague he was managing. It was very touch and go that none of them got arrested but I've never quite got over it.

OP posts:

Original poster

iosobel · 17/04/2022 21:02

@FairyCakeWings

Also, if you moved, would you be able to keep the salaries you’re on now?

I would be able to keep my same salary and progress further up here or there but his salary would probably be the same.

OP posts:

Hankunamatata · 17/04/2022 21:03

So your husband let you down by having a fight at work and losing his job?
I can see why you don't want to compromise.

AlmostAJillSandwich · 17/04/2022 21:05

Totally his fault then! Does he stand any chance of getting back to a similar pay grade in the next few years, or is his reputation in his field mud now?

sweeneytoddsrazor · 17/04/2022 21:06

Yeah I would be pretty pissed off with that tbh. I guess I would have to take into consideration why it happened and whether he was truly sorry, it was a one off out of character type thing. But if you can't forgive him enough to be prepared to explore other options then you probably should separate.

Threetulips · 17/04/2022 21:07

Does it have to be north or London? Why not another city?

ZenNudist · 17/04/2022 21:11

He's right about needing to move it's a shame to rent forever. Don't count on shared ownership. BUT he's a dick for getting in a tyres, getting fired. He must be able to get a better paying job soon enough. It's a job hunters market right now.

MajesticWhine · 17/04/2022 21:13

Can he see that he has screwed things up? I would be angry too. I don't blame you for not compromising.

Tothepoint99 · 17/04/2022 21:13

He needs to do all he can to get a job that gets his income back to where it was then! I'd be embarrassed if that was me. Making my wife and child leave their home and moving son out of new school?? No way.

Crikeyalmighty · 17/04/2022 21:15

Why can’t you go for a shared ownership anyway?? Some decent ones in London and Home Counties.

Original poster

iosobel · 17/04/2022 21:20

@Crikeyalmighty

Why can’t you go for a shared ownership anyway?? Some decent ones in London and Home Counties.

I have mentioned this. He thinks it's a con and says it will take an arm and leg to buy outright etc.

I don't mind flats etc and would happily live in one in a even more closer to central location! But he wants a house

OP posts:

Aquamarine1029 · 17/04/2022 21:21

He got into a altercation.
Well bluntly he got into a fight with a colleague he was managing. It was very touch and go that none of them got arrested but I've never quite got over it.

Yeah, I'd have a very, very hard time getting over that. Not sure if I ever would, honestly. You must be so resentful of him, and I don't blame you.

chillied · 17/04/2022 23:01

I thought this was going to be you wanting to move back north! But it seems you like the area you live in. Plenty of people find the London housing market too much and move away. But the community you live in still feels like your priority?

Perhaps it is two issues then - 1. finding a way to live in London, whether that's moving to a new rented property, looking into shared ownership, going on a housing list, trying for a promotion.

Do you stay together with DH? Can you get past his fight/ firing; is he apologetic, has he dealt with the issues, can he see that this might mean a flat not a house, there is a correlation? This one is trickier than the challenge of finding an affordable house in London

stimpyyouidiot · 17/04/2022 23:10

I don't mind flats etc and would happily live in one in a even more closer to central location! But he wants a house

He probably should have thought about that before he got in a fight at work!

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