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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Easter eggs & dh

46 replies

Wingingthis · 17/04/2022 19:22

Aibu to be annoyed about this or is it pregnancy hormones getting the better of me….

Valentine’s Day - me & Dh agree to get each other a small gift. On the day I give him my card & small gift. He gets me nothing

Easter - asked him twice are we going to get each other an egg this year, just so we know and it’s not awkward on the day (we spend it with extended family) he says yes. Couple of weeks ago text him saying what kind of egg would you like as I’m at the shop, he told me white chocolate and thank you etc.

Today got our 2 dc to give him his egg & bunny and he has nothing for me

I honestly do not care about a chocolate egg, I know it sounds ridiculous. It’s just the lack of effort and when we’d agreed we’d do it, i then felt I looked stupid in front of his family and was embarrassed

I know I’m probably being silly and I’m not raging annoyed but am a bit upset ?

OP posts:
Gagaandgag · 17/04/2022 22:41

My husband did this for years - no presents returned for valentines /wedding anniversary/special events etc.
I was so upset the first few times- particularly him not even remembering our wedding anniversary 🤣
Apart from birthdays -but I would always pre request something for this (nothing big)
His excuse was always “you are just too fussy, I know I’ll get it wrong”

So I stopped. Didn’t get him even a valentines card, just said “happy anniversary” and that’s it etc.
(I might add that in fact we do have a really good relationship on the whole!)
At the same time I let go of any expectations on my part which felt really good actually!

It seemed to work! The next few events I received cards, presents etc! It’s carried on ever since. I started to re- buy him a card and small gift. I always treat him to a lovely birthday present.

It used to upset me but now it doesn’t at all.
I think I just found having no expectations back so therapeutic! I took a long hard look at our relationship - I’m happy and he is a caring and attentive husband and father.

I wouldn’t stop buying things for him again even if he was to stop. I now feel happy and completely comfortable giving without receiving ☺️

ThinWomansBrain · 17/04/2022 22:42

for all the posters saying eat his egg - it was white "chocolate" Shock
as in sugar and no bloody chocolate content.
LTB for actually wanting white "chocolate"

Thepossibility · 17/04/2022 22:48

We don't do Valentine's and Easter for each other, but they fact that you had spoken about it beforehand and agreed to do it and then he chose not to does feel disrespectful to me. I agree with PP that he is showing you your value in the pecking order.

MrsTerryPratchett · 17/04/2022 22:51

"Well I'll just have yours then".

And never buy him anything ever again.

YellowPlant · 17/04/2022 22:55

Please eat his egg.

NoSquirrels · 17/04/2022 22:58

Selfish bastard.

He won’t change.

Is he nice in other ways? Or does he generally treat your relationship as optional in the effort stakes?

TheDoveFromAboveCooCoo · 17/04/2022 23:04

To be fair he has known the date for Easter for a year....

It's really selfish behaviour and I would have been upset too.

boronia · 18/04/2022 02:46

Well I'd say " I'm having half of yours" rather than eating the whole thing.
But going forward - don't buy him anything.

Ivyonafence · 18/04/2022 03:00

Selfish and lazy.

My DH didn't get me anything for Christmas last year. 'Busy' 'didn't think'. The usual male bullshit. I pretended everything was fine for the children and then hit the roof that night when they were in bed.

I don't think he'll do it again. He managed Easter alright.

Sometimes you just have to draw a line in the sand, it's not about an egg, it's about basic respect and appreciation. We ask so little of men. If they can't manage to clear this very low bar then honestly what are they worth?

Ivyonafence · 18/04/2022 03:01

And yes, take his egg back and eat it.

Don't let this slide.

ToCaden · 18/04/2022 03:34

I do like the image of OP eating his egg while glaring at him. Grin

TurkeyRoastvBubbleandSqueek · 18/04/2022 03:49

I'm really sorry OP, but that is really crappy behaviour, and if he isn't wonderful in every other aspect of your lives together, then things should be seriously changing. 💐

timeisnotaline · 18/04/2022 04:14

I hate white chocolate and I’d eat his egg anyway. With gusto.

BarbaraofSeville · 18/04/2022 04:16

Did you both really agree to exchange gifts or did he just say 'yes dear' with no actual intention to follow through?

To me, it's not about the actual gift, it's about the thought and effort off his own bat that counts.

If he doesn't actually choose, buy and give the gift, preferably because he wants to, rather than because he's been 'told' to or he's only doing it to keep the peace, then there's no 'gifting' sentiment and he might as well not bother.

How is he generally at pulling his weight and being a considerate loving DH?

If he's otherwise genuinely a good husband and father who does a fair share of what needs doing, this is less of an issue than if it's yet another example of his apathy and selfishness.

You could pull him up on it, or just forget about exchanging gifts and buy yourself Easter eggs and other treats when you want them, but don't claim that they're 'from him' if you do this, because they're not.

Ivyonafence · 18/04/2022 05:19

Loving the visuals of OP aggressively eating the eat in front of him, maintaining intense eye contact.

But it's white chocolate so I'd be equally happy with her dropping it to the floor and stepping on it.

OP, but yourself something nice immediately and tell him it's your Easter present.

NumberTheory · 18/04/2022 05:48

Stop asking him. Next time, just get yourself something and nothing for him.

Realistically, you need to accept that he isn’t going to do this himself and, having accepted that, decide whether or not it’s a deal breaker for you. What does it mean? Is it that he’s selfish, or is it that he doesn’t really find this sort of thing nice, so doesn’t prioritise it. Does he pull the stops out for you over bigger things when it matters, or is this just one of the many ways in which he tells you what you want to hear but his actions tell another story? What’s the bigger picture?

ukborn · 18/04/2022 05:49

I think it's weird adults getting eggs for each other. And to then call him to ask which one he wants - what is the point?
But you had agreed snd that's a poor show from him. But now you know he's not going to make the effort so I'd stop expecting anything and dial back what you do unless it gives you pleasure. If this is symptomatic of how he treats you in other areas I'd have a sit down talk about respect and taking people for granted.

fffffeeeedddduupp · 18/04/2022 06:32

I'd stop asking and just get your own egg/treat. Also I'd eat his egg and tell him he's an arse for agreeing to get them and then not bothering.

Merrymouse · 18/04/2022 06:44

He said he “doesn’t go to supermarkets”

He’s not really understanding the concept of gift giving is he?

It generally does involve going out of your way to do something. That is the point.

fishingforflies · 18/04/2022 11:03

I'd speak to him about why he always gets to receive a gift from you, but does not want to buy a thing for you.

Honestly if he's such a arse I would cease buying him anything in the future and I would buy myself a lovely gift every birthday / Christmas / valentines.

But what I would really do is LTB.

BackInBlackAgain · 18/04/2022 11:23

@ThinWomansBrain

for all the posters saying eat his egg - it was white "chocolate" Shock as in sugar and no bloody chocolate content. LTB for actually wanting white "chocolate"
My DD doesnt like chocolate, any chocolate that has been bought over the years (Easter, Christmas etc) gets wasted as she doesnt really eat it - well its not wasted as i live with her and well, help her out.

But she likes white chocolate and its nice to buy her an egg that she will eat. I cant stand the stuff and mourn the days of "helping" her eat chocolate..

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