Been seeing someone for a couple of months. We went on one brilliant date and then I went away on holiday for a month and we stayed in touch every day. Then since then we’ve seen eachother quite a few times and it’s been lovely. We get on very well, have great chemistry, want the same things, can chat about anything.
On our first chat (before meeting) we spoke briefly about past relationship stuff and he said he’d been seeing someone for four months until recently but she hadn’t wanted a relationship… turned out that we matched only a week since her ending things and us initially chatting tho… I think our first date was two or three weeks after that? On the date we had such a good time he said he’d wait for me till I got back from holiday, and I believe he did. Stayed in touch every day and chatted on the phone a few times etc.
He’s mentioned a few times he doesn’t like multi dating and doesn’t think it’s fair after you’ve slept with someone, and that he’s had this happen a few times… which is fair enough, I feel the same way, so neither of us are talking to others.
But he recently spoke about that girl again and said it was her that was seeing others… that he had been waiting for her to let him in (they never slept together in four months although were sexual together), but he realised she’d spent valentines with someone else etc… he still sounded pretty annoyed by it and like he needed to vent about it. And I think his thing about multi dating has come from that… he’s mentioned it felt like he was competing and it wasn’t nice etc, which I understand, but he seems a bit bitter? He did say it’s happened with a few women tho and not just her. He also mentioned a few other things she did to hurt him and told me about how the whole thing panned out and how she strung him along and he now feels sorry for her as she was a bit broken and not over her ex etc..
I asked if he was over it and he said definitely and that meeting me had helped him realise how toxic the situation was…. But surely this is a red flag? That I’ve supposedly shown him how awful she was because I’m so nice?
I’ve been nothing but emotionally available, as has he so far I think, and he is adamant he is looking for a long term relationship and thinks I’m ‘perfect’ (again another red flag that he is on the rebound? )
But I don’t like being compared to this woman, and she’s come up a couple of times now in conversation where he’s bought up something she did that he didn’t like. He said it was a mistake etc… that he should have ran for the hills and it’s in the past and he’s thankful it ended as he wouldn’t have met me.
I just worry he’s not over her and hasn’t had enough time to process it if he’s bringing it up. Is it always as simple as this? They did only see eachother for four months. And he has also talked about another more serious ex a few times (in a positive way as their breakup was amicable) so she’s not the only one he’s mentioned.
We are getting closer and have spent quite a bit of time together since I’ve been back. We text every day. I don’t want to get hurt and am wondering whether I say we should take some time out so he has time to get over her and make sure this is what he wants. I know he’d be upset and say he is over her, but after he bought her up for the third or so time today I just feel weird about it all.
Yabu - there’s no red flags here
Yanbu - you’d end it or ask for a break