Really bloody struggling

[FloydWasACat]

I have been wanting to post this for nearly a year. I know I'm not being unreasonable but this was the forum I read the most. Nearly a year ago, my husband became paraplegic through no one's fault. I keep on wanting to post on here but I just don't have the energy. We have two kids and the whole downstairs is currently undergoing massive renovations to make it accessible for DH. I just feel so lost. We are lucky it wasn't more serious, and from the shoulders up he is still himself, but fuck me, this is so hard!

Not sure what I am hoping to achieve by this post, but I need to get it out of my system. I'm crying now, but that's not a bad thing either. I'm waffling. It's all just got a bit too much.

Hi, thank you all so much for your posts. I think I got people confused. He is actually tetraplegic (quadroplegic). After a year of physio he can kind of move his arms a bit but his hands are immobilised as is the rest of him.

The hospital he was at was a 4 and a half hour journey away but he has recently been moved to a home nearby, which I'd better but tbh the home is useless.

I am definitely doing my breathing, and listening to the birds right now xxx

Poor you. The 4 hours away must have also been a strain. I'm sorry for what's happened. How shit. I hope you get him home soon.

I am sure you are doing much better than you think you are. Mums are generally doing much better than they think they are!
But also, you have been through so much, don’t beat yourself up for the days that you can’t step up to the plate. Take care of your own needs and accept all the help you are offered.
Find some time amongst all of this to just have fun with your kids. Xxx

@FloydWasACat
That's rough.
Completely shite for him and you and your DC.

Life can change in the blink of an eye like this, either a stroke or an accident.

No personal experience, but hopefully your Husband will regain use of a hand ..That at least will give him some independence, but the daily care will be ongoing, as you are both aware.

A friend's relative was involved in a freak accident at 70 that left them without use of arms and legs, and the person lived another 20 yrs.
They had multiple carers.

I think they had a big payout to help pay for the person's ongoing care needs, so hope you at least have this.

What they also had that helped was a lavatory that was like the Japanese ones so the person was at least allowed a little dignity and independence.

Best Wishes for your Family.

How are you doing today op?

Thinking of you OP, must be so very hard to deal with emotionally and physically. Much love and strength to you all xxx

Hi there, I'm ok cheers. I was at work yesterday, which helped and taking DD to school soon, which will definitely help!

I just hate the way he is so near, yet so far. If that makes sense? I know he can't come home until all the work is done but...anyhoo, thank you for all of your replies. Today is another day xx

Op that sounds shocking and extremely hard to deal with.
Are you getting proper counselling? You need to grieve the life you now won't have in the same way as before, and be able to talk openly about your feelings and fears.
Can you book a holiday with the dc? And have a few days respite from it all.
In your place I wouldn't be so much planning for him, as he will be taken care of, but a plan for you - how you are going to manage, what you need to do to stay happy and putting support in place for yourself and dc. This is a massive thing to deal with, and it is okay not to be okay with it.